"I was lucky my boyfriend was good with using condoms"
In many South Asian communities in Asia and the diaspora, discussions around birth control occur in the shadows.
For Desi families, communities and individuals, sex, sexuality, and birth control are still significant taboo topics.
Indeed, this is particularly true for unmarried South Asian women.
Moreover, there can also be discomfort from Desi men when it comes to understanding and discussing issues around contraception.
Both are a consequence of socio-cultural discomfort with female sexuality and sexual conservativism that dominate in Desi communities.
Thus, for British Asians from Pakistani, Indian and Bengali backgrounds, the birth control taboo has multifaceted ramifications.
DESIblitz highlights five consequences of the birth control taboo for Brit-Asians.
Perpetuation of Gender Inequality
The taboo around birth control within South Asian communities significantly reinforces gender inequality.
In Desi cultures, sexual desire is often seen as normal for men but prohibited for women deemed virtuous.
Yet, Desi cultures and broader societies predominantly frame birth control as a woman’s issue and responsibility.
The onus is prevailingly on women when it comes to birth control in heterosexual relationships. It is also women who bear socio-cultural judgement and stigma for unplanned pregnancies and premarital sex.
People can associate sex with procreation rather than pleasure, making birth control use contentious for some individuals.
The deep-seated cultural, religious, and societal norms that discourage open discussions about contraception perpetuate gender imbalances. Thus, at times, limiting women’s autonomy over their reproductive health.
Nighat, a 40-year-old Pakistani, revealed:
“Unlike back in the day, at least the pill and options are talked about when you’re getting married or are married, mostly.
“My mum told me no one told her anything, and I know others that’s happened to in the last decade.
“Once I was married, other older Asian women were willing to have talks and give advice.
“If I asked unmarried, they would have thought, ‘What the hell is going on? Call the parents, the uncles’. But all the talks focused on me using something, not the husband.
“It was hard for me and the husband to talk about what to use and do. He made assumptions that it would be all me.”
Limited Awareness and Gaps in Education
Limited or no sexual health education in some British Asian households exacerbates the stigma around contraception.
While sex education within schools can ensure some knowledge today, this has not always been the case.
British Pakistani Minaz* reflects on sexual health education in schools over 14 years ago:
“I used to skip or pull a sickie when it was sex education; my family didn’t want me doing it.
“Dad was very strict and said Mum would tell me what was necessary as the time came for each thing.
“Mum only knew so much coming from Pakistan and was uncomfortable herself.
“And again, the attitude was ‘wait until you’re getting married to know certain information’.”
“I’ve been different with my girls and boys. Combined with what schools do, they’re well-informed, unlike I was.
“But others who had what I had, have carried on doing what their parents did. Contraception and all is not talked about.”
Since September 2020, Relationships Education has been compulsory for all pupils receiving primary education. Relationships and Sex Education (RSE) has been mandatory for all secondary education pupils.
In 2023, the UK government revised guidelines for schools.
Moreover, parents have the right to withdraw their child from Sex Education but not from the essential content covered in Relationships Education. Not all British Asian parents are comfortable with these aspects and the associated age ranges.
British Bengali Mo stressed: “The system around sex and health education and ages doesn’t fit how we want it done and believe.
“One reason we’re looking at home-schooling, private or Islamic school when kids need to start.”
Parental stances can impact awareness and education levels around sexual health. For those who learn from other spaces and platforms, silence in the home can dissuade open conversations and questions.
Feelings of Discomfort and Anxiety
Birth control, as something that is not or barely talked about within Desi homes and families, can cause discomfort, fear and anxiety in a different way.
Mariam*, a 28-year-old British Bengali, said:
“I used to get stressed out during sex education at school because of how it wasn’t talked about at home. When I had questions, that anxiety kept me from asking questions in class.
“Then, when it came to being married and using it, I was scared cuz I had heard stories of bad side effects and things like that.
“Got stressed trying to research myself; I was the first of my friends to marry.
“As the first one to marry, I was the one they came to once they were engaged or married.
“I didn’t have that, and mum was like ‘he can sort out protection or go doctors and get a pill or something’.”
The birth control taboo can also impact women once they are married.
Twenty-nine-year-old Rosy* has been married for two years and revealed:
“I knew about contraceptives; it’s talked about in schools, in dramas, a bit by family. But no proper talks outside that.
“So when I got married, and my husband wanted to talk about all this, I froze. I found I had a lot of anxiety I had to work through.”
The silence and submersion of conversations around birth control for unmarried Brit-Asian women needs further unravelling.
Nevertheless, change is taking place, and some British Asian women are discussing these matters in public and private spaces.
Often, such conversations, intentionally or not, exclude men; this needs to change.
Barriers to Accessing Contraceptives
Research indicates that Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH) services nationwide often fail to reach marginalised populations, such as those from South Asian backgrounds.
Indeed, Brit-Asian women face particular barriers to accessing SRH services. Cultural and religious issues significantly impact SRH knowledge, needs, and service access.
Twenty-nine-year-old Shammy told DESIblitz:
“I was active before marriage. I couldn’t go to my doctor, who was the family doctor, and I couldn’t go to the local pharmacy.
“If someone accidentally saw the birth control, it would have been the end.”
“I was lucky my boyfriend was good with using condoms, and a friend told me about a clinic I could go to on her side of the city.
“Took me ages to get the guts to go, no jokes. Then I realised I had no clue about a lot.
“But I have friends who wouldn’t even go to a clinic further away in the past; that was too risky for them.
“If someone saw and family asked why, they worried the truth would get found out or rumours would start.”
The perception that seeking birth control is synonymous with promiscuity can discourage unmarried Brit-Asian women from openly discussing or using contraceptives.
This fear is compounded by close-knit community structures, where gossip can quickly damage a woman’s and, thus, the family’s reputation.
Reduced Access to Medical Advice
Due to the taboo and stigma around sex, unmarried Brit-Asian women may avoid seeking medical advice about birth control, fearing judgment from family or community members if found out.
Reluctance can also come if the doctor is male due to the discomfort of talking about such matters. A male practitioner can also act as a deterrent to Brit-Asian women undertaking examinations and going for checks.
Such reluctance can lead to misinformation and limit access to safe, effective options, leaving individuals with inadequate health care.
It can also limit an individual’s or a couple’s awareness of the alternatives available to what does not work for them due to preferences or health reasons.
Modesty and shyness are also significant barriers to accessing SRH services.
Thirty-nine-year-old Sarish asserted:
“I’m married, and I didn’t feel good speaking to the doctor about changing the pills. I didn’t like the side effects but sucked it up for a few years.
“My cousin pushed me to call and ask. It was a female doctor, but I was worried and uncomfortable.
“Even saying all this to you is uncomfortable, and it’s over the phone; the doctor was face-to-face.”
The lack of dialogue makes it challenging for people to consult doctors about side effects or options, often leaving them in the dark.
For women in particular, this lack of medical guidance can result in choosing less effective methods.
It can also result in not knowing of better alternatives or avoiding contraception altogether. Thus risking unplanned pregnancies and health complications.
Open Conversations and Male Birth Control the Way Forward?
The ongoing sexual conservatism in Desi cultures and the unease with female bodies are vital factors that help sustain the birth control taboo.
The birth control taboo has multifaceted ramifications, from preventing people from seeking medical advice to creating an atmosphere of discomfort and anxiety.
Open conversations are necessary, not only for women but also for men. The involvement of everyone is crucial to break the taboo surrounding sex and to encourage frank discussions about birth control.
There is a gendered burden that, overarchingly, places contraception as women’s primary responsibility. A reality across societies and cultures that needs to change.
There are far more options for female birth control, like pills, implants, progestogen injections and Intrauterine Devices (IUDs).
Traditional methods of male contraception are condoms and vasectomy. Otherwise, abstinence and non-vaginal ejaculation were and are used.
Nighat showed frustration when she said:
“I still do not get how there is so much we women can use, much of which has side effects, but barely anything for men.
“Condoms and getting the snip are their options. How and why are there only that?”
Male contraception is currently available but limited, with the responsibility predominantly falling on women. Research is underway to develop both hormonal and non-hormonal methods of male contraception.
However, would Desi men use a contraceptive pill?
Aliyah laughingly maintained:
“Anything with side effects, in no way. Most are going to say ‘hell no’. Not just Asian guys; most of them from across races.
“Societies in general are ok with women suffering for beauty, health, sex, and stuff, not so much guys.”
The birth control taboo among South Asians has far-reaching consequences, from limiting women’s autonomy to reducing sexual health knowledge.
Addressing these issues is crucial in Britain, where South Asians comprise a significant portion of the population.
It is vital for improving sexual health and well-being, working towards destigmatising sex and enhancing sexual health knowledge.
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