7 Reasons Why Desi Women Want to be Child-Free

In South Asian cultures, people strongly idealise children and motherhood. Thus, choosing to go child-free can be positioned as a taboo.

Being child-free can seem unconventional, leaving some people baffled, as they see it as defying cultural norms and going against women’s perceived innate nurturing cravings.

Being child-free is different from being childless; it is a choice.

Ellen Walker, a clinical psychologist and child-free author, stated:

“Childfree simply reflects having peace of mind about not having children.

“I view those who wanted to have kids but were unable to do so as childless; this reflects their sadness.”

For Desi women from Pakistani, Indian and Bengali backgrounds, choosing to go child-free goes against normative expectations and ideals.

In a culture where family and motherhood are emphasised, choosing not to have children often brings its own set of societal and familial pressures.

Desi women choosing to go child-free represents the emergence of a space where women feel more able to embrace personal preferences than in the past.

Rooted in cultures where family and motherhood are traditionally central, many South Asian women today are redefining fulfilment.

Their reasons for going child-free range from career aspirations and lifestyle preferences to environmental and personal health concerns. This shift signifies broader changes in understanding success, happiness, and autonomy.

DESIblitz looks at seven reasons why Desi women may choose a child-free life.

Freedom and Flexibility

Having a child comes with life-long responsibilities, especially within Desi families. The feeling of parental responsibility often does not end when a child reaches 18.

Choosing a child-free life provides South Asian women with the freedom to travel, explore, and live independently.

South Asian women who choose to remain child-free can create flexible and self-directed lifestyles that cannot occur when one has children.

Forty-year-old Maya*, an Indian researcher currently in England, stated:

“My husband and I both didn’t and still do not want children.

“We are financially very secure but have very busy and fulfilling lives.

“Without a child, we have the capacity to make decisions and new plans far more easily than those we know with a child.

“For us, a child we had to raise wouldn’t fit in with our lifestyle and what we want in life. We would be trapped.”

Prevailingly in Desi cultures and more broadly, children are positioned as key to the formation and existence of a family.

For Maya, she and her husband are a “family unit of two”. Thus reinforcing the reality that a family is not defined by the existence of a child.

Marriage is not simply about continuing the family bloodline and having children. Moreover, Maya and her husband have found purpose and kinship beyond being parents.

Pursuing Career Goals

Desi women may choose to go child-free to fully dedicate themselves to their careers, as professional success can offer financial independence, autonomy, personal fulfilment and empowerment.

Raising children requires significant time, resources and energy, which could otherwise be directed toward personal achievements or fulfilling professional responsibilities.

British Bengali Neema*, a successful property developer and financially independent, revealed:

“At 40, I’m in a much better position than many of my female friends and family members.

“Many have had to put their careers on hold or make decisions that focus on benefiting their children. Their needs and goals are secondary.

“For me, my career was always first; children would have forced that to change. I wouldn’t have been happy.

“I never wanted that. Plenty of children around me, and I feel I have missed out on nothing.”

Amrita Nandy, a scholar studying motherhood, asserted that in India, girls are raised with the expectation that marriage and motherhood are their ultimate life achievements.

She stated: “Traditionally, motherhood is considered the most fulfilling aspect of a woman’s life, but class and education opens up horizons for women to see that there are many more ways of finding meaning and purpose in life.”

Not having children can make pursuing career opportunities or taking career risks easier, as there are fewer people to consider.

Moreover, it can be easier to start a new venture without considering childcare or school systems.

Desi women pursuing careers tend to marry later or opt out of parenthood to sustain professional momentum.

Environmental Concerns

Environmental concerns influence decisions on family planning as overpopulation and climate change become urgent issues.

Desi women, like many deeply concerned about resource scarcity and the ecological impact of population growth, may choose to go child-free.

Studies show that each child significantly increases a family’s carbon footprint, prompting eco-conscious individuals to consider child-free living as one of the most effective ways to reduce environmental impact.

Neema asserted: “And it’s not just my career, although that is the big reason for me not wanting children.

“With how the world is going, global warming, the wars and the cost of everything, I would feel wrong bringing a child into all that.

“From how things are going, children of today will be living in hell as adults.”

In the essay collection Apocalypse Babies, Pakistani author and educator Sarah Elahi explored the challenges of parenting in an era where climate anxiety is a predominant concern among children and young people.

She wrote about how climate change was an issue brushed under the rug throughout her childhood in Pakistan.

However, with rising global temperatures, she noticed how her children and students are increasingly living with constant “anthropogenic anxiety”.

The concern and anxiety extend beyond immediate environmental issues to global sustainability challenges.

There is growing awareness of the negative ramifications of climate change, deforestation, and increasing pollution.

Thus, people, including Desi women, are questioning the decision to bring children into the world as they contemplate potential future living conditions.

Socio-Economic Conditions and Realities

Socio-economic conditions, like high living costs, are significant factors that may mean Desi women choose to be child-free.

Rising housing, healthcare, and education costs can make raising children financially daunting, especially in urban areas.

In 2023, the expense of raising a child to age 18 in Britain amounted to £166,000 for couples. The cost increased to £220,000 for lone parents.

According to a 2024 study by The Logic Stick, the estimated cost of raising a child from birth to 18 years in India ranges from £27,509.74 (Rs. 30 lakhs) to £110,038.94  (Rs. 1.2 crores), depending on urban or rural settings.

Zuha Siddiqui is based in Pakistan and planning her life in Karachi, the country’s largest metropolis. She has worked as a journalist and works remotely, freelancing for local and international publications.

For Zuha, the “decision to not have children is purely monetary”.

She made this decision after becoming financially independent in her mid-20s and seeing the financial struggles of her parents and others.

In turn, Shamima, a 35-year-old British Bengali, told DESIblitz:

“I have one child, and that is a financial struggle, and given the world we live in, a selfish choice.

“But me and my husband wanted a child, not everyone does.

“Women choosing not to have children is still seen as weird by a lot of people, especially old Asians. But I get the decision.

“It’s just women are assumed to be naturally mothering, right? So people find it weird when they say, ‘I’m happy without’.”

Focus on Health and Well-Being

Research has indicated that women who are single with no children are the happiest.

In 2019, behavioural expert Paul Dolan maintained that while men derive benefits from marriage, the same cannot generally be said for women.

Women often face the burden of more work; this increases when a child enters the picture on multiple fronts.

Maya, reflecting on her life and that of the women she knows with children, said:

“Not all women with children are unhappy; to say so would be erroneous.

“But looking at their lives and mine and my conversations with them, I’m better off in many ways.

“I know I can focus on my health and self in a way they cannot.

“They feel obligated to always put their children’s needs and wants first. I don’t have to.”

“I never wanted that burden and responsibility.”

Women are still expected to take the lead in child rearing, often forcing them to put their needs and desires last. It can also mean they cannot prioritise their health and wellbeing.

Consequently, Desi women may choose not to have children, in part so that they can focus on their health and well-being.

Not wanting the Burden of Motherhood & Extra Work

In South Asian cultures, there is a strong societal expectation for women to become mothers and fulfil specific caregiving roles, with motherhood viewed as a primary aspect of womanhood.

These expectations can lead to a sense of duty that is intensified by extended family involvement, especially when in-laws or family members hold strong opinions on parenting and household management.

Women disproportionately take on a more significant burden of care due to how caregiving and nurturing are positioned as innately female skills.

There remains an expectation that women should be able to undertake paid work and still care for a family and home.

Thus, for some, going child-free avoids extra household work and removes additional emotional labour and responsibilities. All of which can be exhausting and mean women forget about the self.

Sharma Kamayani, based in India, asserted:

“[C]hoosing to be child-free to avoid increased housework is a rational decision.”

Moreover, Rituparna Chatterjee wrote a post on going child-free on X that went viral:

Women are choosing to stay single and childfree not bec they hate men or western influence, but they are registering the exhaustion of women around them – colleagues, friends, relatives – and choosing not to raise a husband alongside a baby and do disproportionate labour

— Rituparna Chatterjee (@MasalaBai) April 25, 2024

The responses to the above post highlighted that motherhood involves a great deal of labour and pressure on women, a reality that is often taken for granted.

The choice to be child-free can feel liberating in cultures where caregiving roles and duties are expected to be the primary focus for women.

No Desire to Have Children

In Desi families in Asia and the diaspora, marriage and motherhood are often positioned as life’s ultimate and inevitable goals.

Women are automatically positioned as inherently nurturing and motherly. Thus, it is assumed that all women want children, but this is not always the case.

Thirty-three-year-old Shaista, a British Pakistani, told DESIblitz:

“I’ve been told over and over again that ‘it’s a faze, eventually I’ll want kids’.

“People seriously struggle with the idea that I’m not interested. As a woman, they think I should crave a child; I don’t.

“My auntie is so confused when I say, ‘I want to marry at some point but no kids’.”

“For her, marriage equals kids. She doesn’t see the point otherwise.”

Moreover, British Pakistani Laia maintained: “I don’t have the patience for them [children].

“It takes a lot of hard work and nurturing, and I don’t want to do all that. Never had the drive.”

There is a need to stop assuming that all women want children because such assumptions limit their autonomy, ignore personal choices, and perpetuate gendered stereotypes.

The expectation for women to desire motherhood is often deeply ingrained in Desi cultures. Family-centred traditions can frame childbearing as essential to a woman’s identity.

This assumption, however, does not reflect Desi women’s diverse priorities and aspirations.

The desire to be child-free by some Desi women is still often met with socio-cultural resistance and surprise.

However, the fact women are deciding to be child-free, despite normative expectations and ideals of womanhood and motherhood, highlights shifting perspectives on autonomy, identity, and fulfilment.

For many women, the decision prioritises personal growth, financial independence, personal well-being, and the pursuit of other goals.