"I redistributed my collection to give them mainly to my daughters"
An Indian mum took to the internet to share that she refused to give her gay son’s fiancé her ‘female’ jewellery as part of a cultural tradition.
However, it led to a disagreement between her and her future son-in-law.
The mother explained the situation on Reddit. Under the name of Kind_Vehicle, she said:
“We are Indian and in my culture, it is tradition to give the bride a lot of gold sets of jewellery for her wedding.
“When each of my children were born, I bought a set for both my daughters and a set for my son’s future wife. I also have my own personal collection of wedding jewellery that I have divided for daughters and future daughter-in-law.”
She went on to say that she saved some jewellery in case her son had a daughter. But his fiancé started wondering about the gifts.
“When my son came out as gay, I redistributed my collection to give them mainly to my daughters, but I kept a few sets in case my son ever had a daughter.
“Now that my son is getting married, his future husband is wondering about his gifts.
“While it is tradition for parents to give their future son/daughter in law a gift, since he is a man I got him a kara (which is a Sikh bracelet usually made of steel but I got him one made from solid gold, and my son has a matching one).
“He told my son that he doesn’t want a religious gift for his wedding and that he found it tacky.”
The dispute occurred when the fiancé saw the Indian mum going through her jewellery collection.
“I also showed him the sets I have saved if they have a daughter.
“He is insisting that he gets these sets first and then he will give them to their daughter if they have one. In particular, there is a pair of emerald and diamond earrings I got from my own paternal grandmother that I would like to give my son’s daughter (if they have one).”
This prompted the woman to refuse, explaining the cultural tradition behind it.
“I told him no because I set these aside for just a granddaughter and not a son.
“If he chooses to wear jewellery to his wedding I really don’t mind, but I picked all these sets special for a daughter or daughter in law and I don’t want to waste them on a boy.
“These sets are to be worn with sarees and lenghas. I don’t want him to have them.”
Her refusal to give the jewellery led to her future son-in-law accusing her of being homophobic.
She explained that she would have given the jewellery if she had a lesbian daughter.
Several people questioned her use of the phrase “wasted on a boy” so she explained what she meant.
“I understand why some people are offended, but I wanted to make sure you have the facts as well.
“If you go to this site there are a lot of photos of Sikh brides. Most of these wedding jewellery sets come together (headpiece, earrings, nose ring, choker/necklace).
“The choker/necklaces would not fit him, he does not wear nose rings, he would not be able to wear the headpiece, and he could just wear the earrings.
“Also the gold bracelets I have from my personal collection would not fit him so to give them to him symbolically would be a waste.”
Many Reddit users sided with the Indian mum and criticised the future son-in-law.
One wrote: “Nobody gets to dictate what gift they are given, and he has no right to have a say in your heirloom jewellery. He sounds like an entitled jerk.”
Another posted: “Even if your future son-in-law is a bit hurt, he’s being incredibly rude.
“He’s not a bride – he’s a groom, one of two. He was given a gift that is traditional for a groom and was rude about it.
“Making any demands of your jewellery or what you might do with it for a future, hypothetical granddaughter is rude, and frankly- tacky.
“Honestly, I would have thought it would be more homophobic to give him gifts meant for a bride – like being gay somehow makes him not a man.”