Sex Help: My Partner suffers from Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is a known problem for many men and women can help. Our Sexpert Saidat Khan brings you tips to address the matter.

Sex Help: My Partner suffers from Premature Ejaculation

My partner suffers from premature ejaculation. How can I help him?

Premature ejaculation affects a large amount of men in the UK and around the world. It has probably affected every man at some point in his life.

Firstly, encourage your partner to seek a medical and sexual examination via his GP.

This will establish whether there are any medical causes such as; hormonal, previous injuries or side effects caused by medicines that are affecting the sexual dysfunction. If there is no biological impairment then it may be due to psychological factors related to anxiety, depression or guilt.

Men of South Asian origin are culturally proud and they usually pride their honour on being the main figure of the family or household and an issue like this can cause many internal psychological dilemmas for the individual. Asian communities in general, are much protected of their feelings and this may trigger shame and inadequacy.

In Asian households, sex is usually never spoken about openly. Therefore, masturbating and any form of sexual education would be learned and practised in secret with the possibility of a rushing and ejaculating as quickly as possible. The impact of shame and guilt if exposed or discovered by family members would be overwhelming and devastating. This isolation and early sexual experiences and repetitive patterns of sexual behaviour may influence the cause of premature ejaculation.

You can help by being very supportive and understanding of the situation. Your partner needs to feel secure, comfortable and trusting that you are on his side.

The problem needs to be accepted and embraced as a couple’s issue that is affecting both of you and your relationship. This approach will encourage your partner to confront his anxiety and performance anxiety which impacts and affects sexual performance, reducing shame and guilt.

When you are in the bedroom, you may like to ask your partner to give you a massage, concentrating on touching, sensitive sensations, and intimacy. This will help manage those difficult moments when bodies are exposed; this exercise is not about genital stimulation, penetration or intercourse.

You can then move onto what is known as the ‘stop-start’ technique. An activity you can do with him and also something he can do alone. 

The technique is known to help with premature ejaculation. By stroking the penis sexually, you bring it close to orgasm and stop, then rest for 30 seconds or more, and repeat. You may even squeeze the penis slightly to relax it when resting. Remember to stop before the ‘point of no return’ – when ejaculation is uncontrollable. 

Practice the start and stop method for at least 15-20 minutes before allowing orgasm.

Through this, he will learn to experience increased sexual arousal and muscular tension control. The aim is to build control over ejaculation and progressively start to last longer when having sexual intercourse. It is important to not rush into intercourse, give yourself time.

You may like to search online for “Kegel Exercises” – this is an exercise and technique that works on strengthening up the muscles in the pelvic floor which help your partner have better control.

Talk to your partner about seeking professional help together with a qualified psychosexual and relationship therapist.

The therapist will give you more detailed and enhanced sexual programmes for both of you to practice at home. The therapy session will also address cultural issues and possible learned sexual behaviours and sexual practices which may ultimately be precipitating and maintaining the premature ejaculation sexual dysfunction.

Saidat Khan is an experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist who treats individuals and couples with sexual dysfunctions and intimacy issues. He also facilitates structured group-work; programmes for sex addiction/compulsive behaviour. Based at his Harley Street practice in London, he is open minded and empathetic to client’s needs. Information about his services is available on his website.

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Saidat Khan is a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist and an Addictions Specialist from Harley Street London. He is a keen golfer and enjoys yoga. His motto is ''I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become'' by Carl Jung.