"still a huge stigma in the South Asian communities"
Ritu Sharma is a women’s empowerment advocate dedicated to breaking taboos and championing women’s rights.
She has spent years addressing the often hidden struggles of South Asian women, tackling issues usually shrouded in silence.
Ritu is also the founder of Kaushalya UK CIC, a non-profit organisation focused on empowering women and helping them thrive.
Through her platform and advocacy, she amplifies voices, challenges socio-cultural expectations, and pushes for change.
Her journey reflects resilience, courage, and a commitment to breaking cycles of silence, oppression and inequality.
Ritu spoke to DESIblitz to share her lived experiences and work. From issues around domestic abuse, marriage and divorce, she is not afraid to speak out.
Breaking the Silence on Domestic Abuse in Desi Communities
Domestic abuse remains a critical issue in the UK and worldwide, including in South Asian communities. While public awareness has increased, taboos still prevent many victims from speaking out.
The UK’s National Centre for Domestic Violence (NCDV) highlights that one in five adults experience domestic abuse during their lifetime. That is one in four women and one in six to seven men.
Ritu’s personal experiences and challenges have shaped her work and continue to do so.
At Kaushalya UK, Ritu and her team, for example, support and advocate for female and male victims and survivors of domestic abuse.
Statistics show more women face domestic violence. Nevertheless, Ritu stresses that society and support services must not forget men.
She emphasises the importance of education across generations on domestic abuse:
“Education is the answer to any question.
“Educating our younger generations, our older generations as well […]. Because when we educate our older ones, the younger ones will be impacted […].”
For Ritu, open discussions are vital to breaking cycles of abuse and inequality and empowering people with knowledge.
Ritu’s Personal Experience of Domestic Abuse
Ritu’s first marriage exposed her to domestic abuse, a reality she never expected. She recalled:
“[Ex-husband] blamed me for anything that went wrong, very narcissistic approach […].
“I had no idea what narcissism is. I had no idea what domestic abuse looked like, and I had no idea where things could go from there.
“It took a very long time to realise where I had got to. And when I did, I think the damage was too huge to contain.
“No one was ready to voice it for me, and nobody was ready to support my voice either—not family, most of the friends left me.
“Literally, I was left to my own devices again, and that made me question everything.”
Ritu knew she had to leave when physical abuse also started:
“Prior to that, there had been abuse, but it was more emotional, financial and mental.
“But this time, it was physical, and being an educated woman, I understood this was it.”
“I did not want my children to be audience to that kind of thing, and start to expect this to be normal.”
Leaving was daunting, and Ritu faced isolation as family and friends turned away. She had to rebuild herself:
“From very broken, shattered, tiny, tiny pieces of me, I had to put them together, I had to glue them together. It’s taken a very long time.
“All I’ve ever said is it’s very difficult to do this kind of thing.
“But it’s so worth it, so worth sticking up for yourself, voicing your opinions and not letting anyone take you for granted or abuse you.”
Despite growing awareness and advocacy work, Ritu believes many Desi communities still deny the prevalence of domestic abuse.
Ritu has seen this on the frontlines in her work when she has reached out to foster conversations. She stresses that denial and silence only enable harm.
Marriage, Expectations & Gendered Inequalities
Ritu’s marriage and divorce opened her eyes to the inequalities Desi women face.
Having built a successful life and teaching career in India, she moved to the UK in 2004 with her then-husband and their six-month-old daughter.
She struggled with cultural expectations, which demanded that she be a dutiful wife, mother, and working professional—all while being treated as secondary at home:
“There are always expectations. As an Indian, South Asian woman, there are always expectations attached to you.
“So you’re a South Asian woman – you’ve got to be a good daughter. You’re a South Asian woman, and you’ve got to cook, clean, and look after your children.
“And you’re a qualified professional South Asian woman. Yes, you should go out to work and earn a living as well.
“You should be able to contribute to the bills and mortgage. But then, when you come back home, you’ll hang your intellect at the doorstep, on the coat hanger.
“You walk in as a second-class citizen.”
For Ritu, these unrealistic expectations remain deeply embedded in Desi culture. She asserts that challenging them is essential:
“And if we take a standing, and when we take a standing against this expectation, you’ve got to work through it, you’ve got work for it.
“It’s never handed to you, offered on a plate to say, ‘Oh, you work, or you have a certain level of intellect; you’re better than just spending your time cooking and cleaning’.”
While she acknowledges that household work is important and holds value, she believes it should not define a woman or be expected:
“But that should not be an obligation; that should not come as part and parcel of you because you’re a South Asian woman.
“Sometimes you should be able to take a break from that. And then, to be honest, I think the expectations that are had of a South Asian woman in a family set-up are totally unrealistic.”
She highlights that while progress is being made, gender inequalities remain.
The Challenges and Isolation of Divorce
At 37, Ritu faced significant personal challenges, including financial instability and emotional turmoil.
She took the step to leave her marriage for the safety and well-being of herself and her daughters. She found herself alone and further isolated.
While some, like Aruna Bansal, have family support when they leave a harmful marriage, this is not the case for all.
Quickly, Ritu realised she would have no safety net of family and friends.
The taboo of divorce remains, Ritu explained:
“There is still a huge stigma in the South Asian communities even now.
“And although there is a very, very gradual change happening, I believe it’s going to be a very long time before we actually start to see it as ok, that if something’s not working, there is no need to drag it.
“If it’s damaging you as a person, protect yourself, walk away.”
Ritu stresses that people must not see leaving as a last resort when there is risk or danger to themselves or their children.
For Ritu, raising one’s voice to highlight the realities of what can occur and the consequences is necessary to break silences and taboos.
By breaking silences and taboos, Ritu challenges harmful narratives and norms.
Ritu Sharma reminds us that change begins when we challenge taboos, replace silence with our voices, and raise awareness. Confronting issues helps slowly break taboos and silences, facilitating change.
Watch DESIblitz’s Interview with Ritu Sharma
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