Why Indian Men Keep Their Sex Toys a Secret

In a nation experiencing a rapid cultural and digital transformation, conversations surrounding sex toys are emerging from the shadows in India.

India’s sexual wellness market is booming, with reports of a 65% jump in the sale of sex toys post-lockdown, signalling a clear shift in attitudes towards pleasure and self-exploration.

Yet, within this burgeoning revolution, a significant silence persists.

While the discourse on female pleasure has, rightly, gained momentum, the stigma associated with sex toys for men remains a deeply entrenched taboo.

Only 23% of Indian men reported using sex toys, compared to 46% of women.

We explore why there is still stigma surrounding male sex toys in India.

Cultural and Societal Hurdles

In India, sex and sexuality have long been relegated to the private sphere, shrouded in a cloak of cultural and societal conservatism.

Open dialogue is often deemed inappropriate and passed down through generations.

This inherent conservatism creates a challenging environment for the normalisation of sexual wellness products.

On Reddit, one person said: “In India, both men and women are still looked down upon when it comes to sex toys because our society and culture is conservative and sex is a taboo topic for both genders.”

This shared cultural landscape means that any deviation from traditional sexual scripts is often met with judgment, whether overt or implied.

The societal structure, heavily influenced by family and community, plays a significant role in reinforcing these unwritten rules.

Young adults often live with their parents well into their thirties, creating a practical barrier to privacy and personal exploration. The fear of discovery is a potent deterrent.

When it comes to sex toys, some men resort to ordering them through friends or hiding them in locked suitcases to maintain secrecy.

This need for concealment underscores the deep-seated anxiety surrounding sexual expression.

The cultural narrative dictates that sex is primarily for procreation within the sanctum of marriage, and any exploration outside of this, especially involving ‘unnatural’ aids, is viewed with suspicion.

This traditionalist perspective leaves little room for the concept of recreational pleasure or self-discovery, particularly for men who are expected to embody a specific, stoic form of masculinity.

Masculinity on Trial

Perhaps the most formidable barrier is the rigid construct of Indian masculinity.

Traditional notions of what it means to be a ‘man’ are intrinsically linked to virility, performance, and the ability to satisfy a partner without assistance.

Within this framework, the use of a sex toy is not seen as a tool for exploration but as an admission of failure.

Dr Chandni Tuganit says: “Using a sex toy, for many men, is unconsciously equated with defeat… The problem isn’t the act; it’s the cultural narrative that male sexuality should always be partnered, performative, and powerful.

“Self-pleasure, especially with toys, feels like an admission that they, too, have unmet emotional or sexual needs, something society rarely allows men to express.”

This sentiment is echoed loudly in online forums.

One Reddit user said that according to some, especially women, a man using a sex toy “translates to him being unable to get a real woman”.

Another claimed: “The need for toys implies weakness – and feminine traits.”

This perceived link between sex toy use and a lack of ‘real world’ sexual success or an erosion of masculine traits is a powerful social deterrent.

Sexologist Dr Vinod Raina noted that sexual performance is usually treated as a measure of masculinity. He added that sex toys are often perceived as tools for those who can’t perform “naturally”.

The pressure to be sexually self-sufficient is so intense that it contributes to why many straight Indian men remain hesitant to use sex toys.

Remaining a Secret

Compounding the cultural and psychological barriers is a legal landscape that is, at best, ambiguous.

While sex toys are not explicitly illegal in India, their sale and distribution exist in a grey area.

Authorities often invoke obscenity laws, such as Section 294 of the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, to restrict their sale. This has led to a market where products are often sold covertly, disguised as ‘personal massagers’ or health gadgets to avoid legal scrutiny.

This lack of clear legal standing not only limits consumer choice but also reinforces the idea that these products are illicit or shameful.

The legal ambiguity forces the industry and its consumers further underground, perpetuating a cycle of secrecy.

Dr Pauras Mhatre noted that this combination of legal uncertainty and societal norms forces people into hiding their sex toy purchases and use.

This makes it incredibly difficult for men, who are already battling societal expectations, to openly seek out or purchase these products.

The act of buying a sex toy becomes a calculated risk, fraught with the fear of judgment and legal repercussions. Consequently, privacy becomes paramount.

One person on Reddit wrote:

“Just use it and don’t share. It’s extremely personal, don’t let people invade that space in the first place.”

This highlights a prevalent coping mechanism: treating sex toy ownership as a secret to be closely guarded, rather than a normal aspect of sexual health and wellness.

The Voices of Indian Men

Despite the pervasive stigma, digital spaces have become a crucial outlet for anonymous discussion and debate among Indian men.

These online conversations reveal a complex picture of internalised shame, burgeoning curiosity, and peer-enforced judgement.

The idea that men themselves perpetuate the stigma is a recurring theme.

One person said: “Men troll other men and create the stigma.”

This peer-to-peer policing of masculinity plays a significant role in maintaining the taboo.

While women have increasingly been encouraged to embrace sex toys as a means of empowerment and bridging the orgasm gap, men are offered no such narrative.

For women, it is often framed as taking control of their pleasure. But for men, it is framed as a failure to control it ‘naturally’.

Some men express surprise at the very existence of the stigma, with one commenting:

“Never knew having fleshlights is seen as unmanly.”

This indicates a disconnect between personal views and perceived societal judgment. He continues:

“I mean I won’t announce it to people because it’s a private thing but would never look down upon a man who had one.”

This desire for privacy, born from a fear of public perception, remains the overarching sentiment, preventing the conversation from moving into the mainstream and challenging the established norms.

The journey of sexual wellness products into the mainstream Indian market is a tale of contradictions.

While sales figures suggest a quiet revolution is underway, the deeply ingrained stigma surrounding male sex toys reveals that this revolution is not yet inclusive.

The barriers are multifaceted, woven from threads of cultural conservatism, rigid definitions of masculinity, legal ambiguity, and peer-enforced shame.

For many Indian men, the exploration of their own pleasure through such aids remains a private, almost clandestine, affair.

While the conversation around female sexual empowerment has made significant strides, a parallel and equally important dialogue about male sexual wellness and self-exploration is still struggling to be heard.

Until these foundational stigmas are addressed, the full spectrum of sexual wellness will remain partially in the shadows.