“I want to be healed.”
Pakistani model Saheefa Jabbar Khattak spoke about the dark and troubling feelings she has been living with recently.
She detailed her struggles in a series of Instagram Stories.
Saheefa said: “Yes, I have not been myself lately, which is very difficult for me to accept here.
“I may or may not know what has exactly happened but it is definitely something I can not talk about without crying my lungs out.
“I am in pain, I am grieving, everyday is a struggle for me.”
She added that she does not “see the light at the end of the tunnel”.
Continuing to open up about her troubling thoughts, Saheefa said:
“It is all dark and gloomy for me.
“Yes, everyday I wish death upon myself. In [the] past 60 days there has not been a single day when I haven’t cried or simply questioned everything.”
She revealed that over the past few months, she has lost a total of 12 kilograms and has to keep herself “heavily sedated” so she can “sleep off the pain”.
Saheefa claimed that she has been fighting her pain and agony by herself.
The model continued: “My family has been constantly trying to help me with it but I guess it is my battle to fight (alone) and I have to fight my demons myself.
“No one can come and take away my pain off me.
“I was just telling a friend (over a voice note) that I have been leaving small hints behind to let the world know (if in the process I take my life away), [the] world needs to become a kinder place.”
She spoke about the lack of empathy in the world and how “everything has become a medium to mint money one way or another”.
“Everyone must be thinking I have everything (material) what in the world can bring her pain or distress.
“I tell you what, I am typing all of this from a very fancy hotel in Dubai while laying on a very comfortable bed and I am still in unexplainable pain.
“I want everyone to know who is reading this, having a nice car or a house or being able to afford anything or everything can not always assure you happiness.
“It (might) bring you ease but your true home is your soul and soul needs its very own kind of food.
“Our soul doesn’t need money, fame or a sexy car. Our soul needs love, empathy and [to be] taken well care of.”
The model said she does not know what the future holds but her belief is that “whatever there is, is in the present and in my present I want to be happy, content and feel fulfilled”.
She added: “I want to be healed.”
There was initial speculation that her husband was the reason for Saheefa’s worrying state of mind but she was quick to tell her fans that her husband has been very supportive of her feelings.
“And a very public shoutout to my husband.
“I know you feel helpless and it is terrible and I understand that. Khizer I don’t know what good I have done in my life to deserve a support system like you.”
Fans quickly posted messages of support.