"The path from shock to acceptance and eventually moving on is different for every person."
January 6th is seen as the less-welcomed tradition of the UK’s self-titled ‘Blue Monday.’ On this day, the number of relationship breakups is apparently the highest that will happen in the entire year.
It’s a desperately pitiful time of sorrow and illogical, uninvited change, when what was once a happy bond has become a form of ‘bereavement’.
Not far away from Blue Monday lies Valentine’s Day, and if you have recently broken up with someone this can be a really tough time for you.
‘No’ is a simple word, but one which is difficult to swallow and accept when the word is meant to reject you.
A breakup can be a shattering reality which opens an uncertain hole in your once promising future.
Plans and ambitions are ripped away and the comfort blanket is gone; you can be left feeling cold, empty and very vulnerable.
Day to day decisions had previously been supported with a safety net – the promise of a rosy future.
Someone who you considered to be your biggest fan and the driving force behind your aspirations and desires has left your world.
In the days, weeks, and sometimes months after the act of destruction, you will experience emotions which are so foreign and intense that a different universe seems to be surrounding you. Minds can wonder to thoughts which are unrecognisable. And unfathomable delusions can create a stifling, all-engulfing feeling of loss.
The path from shock to acceptance and eventually moving on is different for every person, but a note to always keep in mind is that it is perfectly possible to get back to a normal self and state of mind, and you will get to your desired destination, eventually. Your strength will return, as humans we have an inherent design to survive.
Dealing with rejection can be emotionally draining. Keep family and cherished friends close by, talk to these people who genuinely care for your happiness.
Surround yourself with positive people, in positive new places, keep busy and eat well. It’s common for a once effervescent character to quickly turn into a quiet, subdued introvert, shunning the possibility of enjoying life.
It is okay to ask for help in dealing with these new emotions; sadness, anger, frustration, confusion and exhaustion are all bombarding you simultaneously, which will help you confront the truth.
A scary, fearful and uncertain future may seem like the only prospect on offer.
Give yourself time to bounce back but don’t set a time limit. Who knows what will happen from one day to the next. The world keeps spinning and life goes on, routine and stability are crucial to regaining the usual you.
A supportive network may be difficult to find but throw all your energy into building one, this is a guaranteed way to see you through the darkness of feeling alone and rejected.
After the initial shock and realisation that the object of your desire has completely removed themselves from your life, the question may persist: “What will it take to get them back?”
Desperation to negotiate a bargain with your ex will hound you for a while; this is a normal and natural state of mind but needs the calming influence of your logic and sanity.
“Our actions and moods are an adverse reaction to trying to make the pain go away,” says Dr Heath, a psychiatrist who has many clients seeking his guidance after traumatic breakups.
Our brain is always toying with possible outcomes and solutions for our return to happiness, and many of these can be illogical and detrimental to our well-being.
Do not believe you are alone in these feelings of being lost and unloved; it simply proves that you are a regular human being, with real emotions, trying to navigate your way through the trials of everyday life.
However you deal with the loss of a relationship, take a step back and remember that you’ve loved once and therefore can love again. This new life can be a promising nudge in an exciting and even better direction.
The sun will begin to shine once more and the wisdom gained from this experience will make you more confident and competent in future relationships. These devastating circumstances can even have a positive impact on your personality as you become aware of your reactions, your boundaries and your strengths.
Getting to know yourself a little better in tough times can be a huge benefit to your confidence. Remember that time heals all wounds, so use this experience as a road to greater and genuine happiness.