Sex can become a ‘routine’ before you know it
With busy lives and so many distractions such as smartphones, social media, Desi drama serials and working or studying for long hours, your sex life can take a hit.
Especially, if you have become slaves of a Desi lifestyle which can be very money-driven and status centric.
According to Professor David Spiegelhalter from Cambridge University, the typical couple in 2015, has sex only three times a month.
This is in comparison to four times a month back in 2000 and five times a month in 1990, as revealed in his book, Sex By Numbers.
Sex can become a ‘routine’ before you know it. And the frequency of sex is perhaps not what it was when you first met. Especially, if you have a young family.
Both of you may not even talk about it much or may not be even bothered.
These are relationship alarms that you should definitely not ignore.
Letting your sex life slip into none at all, can possibly result in one or both partners even looking elsewhere for sexual fulfilment.
A healthy sex life has many mind and body benefits. Resulting in stronger bonding in any sexually active relationship.
We bring you 10 easy ways to help spice up your sex life.
It’s known that not all Desi people talk openly about sex, but acknowledging sex between you is not right, is the first thing to do.
This can be the hardest part but it is totally worth it to re-invigorate good sex back into your lives.
It’s not something to be discussed casually. Find and make time when you are both relaxed.
If one of you dismisses it with excuses, it is not something the other partner should give up on. But don’t force the issue. Give it time and try again.
Begin talking about the past about how you use to be sexual. Then, look at small and simple ways to re-engage into enjoyable sex.
Good sex is about spending quality time together. And time is something that Desi lifestyles can steal from you very rapidly.
Yes, there is always room for quickies but making time for great sex can help with its return.
Allow time for foreplay, like you use to, and don’t just dive into full-on sex.
This could be setting aside one evening a week to start with when both of you go to bed early – even one hour.
Then, switch off your smartphones or other distractions, put on some relaxing music and just spend some time together in bed.
Getting to be with each other on a time-out evening can be a great beginning to sex.
It does not just have to be an evening, it can be the weekend or even daytime.
Seasonal holidays are a great period to make sexual time for yourselves.
Make a List
Both of you make a list separately of sexual activities that you have fantasies about, excite you and intrigue you.
Then, both of you, compare the list in a fun and relaxed manner.
If one thing appears on both lists, then that is definitely something to try out.
If something is on one list and your partner reacts positively to it, then that’s worth a try too!
Avoid having sex, where one of you maybe just does it just for the sake of the other.
Plan something together that can bring the excitement into your sex. Try something you have never done before.
Such as playing simple games like slowly kissing your partner all over, touching and stroking new areas, using oils or lubes or even playing twister naked together!
But most importantly having sensual fun.
Away from the bedroom, little secrets can be very daring and exciting.
For example, a guy can ask his partner not to wear panties for the day while she is away from him or go out together without her wearing them. This can be a naughty secret which leads to a great sexual union.
Being in different surroundings can heighten really sexual pleasure.
If the bedroom is not sexually fun anymore. Be adventurous.
Have sex in other parts of the house. The stairs, the bathroom/shower, the kitchen, the living room floor or even the garage!
Try different sex positions. If the missionary is all you know, then it is time to mix it up! Changing positions adds fun and adventure, even those that do look impossible!
If you live in an extended family, book a night or weekend away in a country hotel.
You can even try sex in your car or the outdoors but you must be very discrete and definitely not get caught doing it in public somewhere!
Toys for Sexual Play
Today, there are so many amazing sex toys available for both partners. Even, in India you can get sex toys!
So, if you have not tried adding a toy into your sexual play, it is never too late. Shop together or maybe surprise the other partner!
You can try a bullet vibrator or a cock ring to start with. Both of these can bring amazing sensations and add vigour to your sex life.
Only try the toys that make you both comfortable.
Build it Up
With everything literally on demand today, the loss of prelude could be impacting your sex life.
So, try a build up to having full sex at some point in the day.
Send naughty phone messages or make a sensual phone call to your partner, saying what you would do to him/her alone.
As a guy, flirt and tease her with touches without doing too much. Yes, lead her on!
As a girl, get him to want it and don’t give in so easily!
These kind of casual teases of wanting your partner are a great mechanism to increase sexual desire.
Different Kind of Climax
A common misconception is that sex without penetration does not provide sexual pleasure. Actually, it does.
Be experimental and use your hands, fingers and lips for increasing arousal and even getting your partner to climax.
For a man, it is important to learn about your partner’s sensual areas.
Her breasts, inner thighs, back of her neck, tummy and of course her clitoris are all there to be explored. Gentle touches, licks and kisses to more invited pressure and speed are all part of the fun to get her to climax.
For a woman, it is important to learn to feel and play with him with lots of touch and strokes to make him climax.
Men have a PC (pubococcygeus muscles) area too, below the scrotum, which, if massaged deeply can really turn him on.
Letting your partner discover what he/she does to you sexually is very important. Especially, when expressed vocally.
Gentle moans to wild sensual screams can make all the difference in understanding each other and your individual desires.
If you are very silent during sex due to habit, living with family or being secretive, use other ways to describe your pleasure too. Try whispering into his/her ear or taking your partner’s hand or fingers to where you want them.
Allowing dominance from a partner can also add another dimension to enjoying sex. If you are both willing, try exploring BDSM.
Dressing Up for your Sex Life
Sex should be all about arousal, erotic fun and satisfaction.
Dressing up for sex can definitely add to the intimacy between you.
Be it sexy lingerie, including stockings, crotchless panties, corsets and heels; wearing roleplay costumes or even everyday clothes that turn you on, they can all add visual attraction for sex.
Also, dressing up your surroundings can also aid your sexual pleasure.
You could use a full length or wall mirror in your bedroom to watch yourselves, buy a sex chair or even decorate the bathroom with candles for sexual fun in the bath.
Adding spice to your sex life should not mean making huge changes suddenly. It is all about the re-discovery of your desires.
Everyone is different, so what works for you sexually may not work for others. But you should learn to be open with each other, be willing to experiment and try new things.
Learn to add sexual intrigue and excitement to your sex life because it can definitely add to the longevity of a relationship that has lost that sexy spark.