Why Do Long-Term Couples Stop Having Sex?

In South Asian culture, sex remains one of the most whispered-about topics, even between married couples.

While romantic films may flaunt suggestive dance sequences, real-life intimacy often fades into silence.

Many British Asian couples in long-term relationships find themselves facing a confusing and unspoken reality: a dwindling sex life.

But why does this happen? And more importantly, can the spark be reignited?

Although sexual desire naturally fluctuates over time, a complete lack of intimacy can lead to feelings of rejection, isolation, and frustration.

Among British Asians, this issue is further complicated by cultural expectations, generational trauma, and the stigma surrounding sexual expression.

Understanding the reasons why long-term couples stop having sex requires a deep dive into both psychological and sociocultural layers.

By exploring these dimensions, couples can begin to rebuild trust, connection, and passion.

Cultural Silence and Shame Around Sex

South Asian communities often treat sex as a taboo subject, especially within marriage.

Open discussions about desire, consent, or dissatisfaction are rarely encouraged.

This silence can cause couples to bottle up frustrations rather than communicate their emotional or physical needs.

For British Asian couples, who may already be navigating dual cultural identities, the pressure to present a “perfect” marriage can become stifling.

Many British Asian women grow up with messages that associate sexuality with shame, modesty, or obedience.

As a result, even in adult life, asserting sexual desires can feel uncomfortable or inappropriate.

Men, too, may face pressures to always perform or initiate, leading to anxiety and resentment when reality doesn’t align with expectations.

According to psychosexual therapist Silva Neves, cultural shame can “severely impact the ability to enjoy a healthy sex life”.

Without a space for honest conversations, misunderstandings build.

One partner may interpret the lack of sex as rejection, while the other may feel pressured or emotionally disconnected.

This emotional distance becomes self-reinforcing, slowly eroding the foundations of physical intimacy.

Stress, Routine, and Emotional Disconnect

Modern life is demanding, and British Asian couples are not immune to the pressures of balancing work, family, and cultural responsibilities.

Over time, stress and routine can take a toll on sexual connection.

What once felt spontaneous and exciting may now feel like another task on a long to-do list.

As couples fall into repetitive cycles, sex can begin to feel less like a priority and more like a forgotten habit.

Emotional intimacy plays a key role in sustaining physical closeness.

If couples argue frequently or avoid meaningful conversations, that emotional gap tends to show up in the bedroom.

A study by Relate, the UK’s leading relationship charity, found that over half of couples surveyed had not had sex in the past month, and 18% had not had sex in the past year.

The reasons ranged from emotional distance to health concerns and work stress.

For many British Asian couples, especially those with children or living in multigenerational households, privacy can be hard to come by.

Add the cultural pressure to maintain appearances, and physical intimacy is often quietly sacrificed.

Yet this gradual shift isn’t always intentional. It’s a slow erosion that only becomes visible when resentment sets in.

Changing Bodies, Hormones, and Mental Health

As couples age, physiological changes can also affect libido and sexual satisfaction.

Hormonal fluctuations, particularly during pregnancy, postpartum recovery, and menopause, can lead to discomfort or disinterest in sex.

These changes are rarely discussed openly, leaving many women to feel broken or alone.

Men, too, may experience reduced testosterone or erectile dysfunction, yet cultural masculinity norms often prevent them from seeking support.

Mental health plays an equally significant role.

Anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem can suppress sexual desire and make physical closeness feel overwhelming.

Among British Asians, where mental health issues are still stigmatised, many individuals suffer in silence.

A report by Mind found that people from South Asian backgrounds are less likely to access mental health services, often due to fear of judgment or lack of culturally sensitive support.

The interplay between body image, mental well-being, and sexuality cannot be ignored.

If one or both partners feel undesirable or disconnected from their bodies, intimacy can feel impossible.

Rebuilding that connection requires empathy, patience, and a willingness to heal, individually and together.

Can Couples Rebuild Their Sexual Connection?

The short answer is yes, but it takes time, effort, and open communication.

Rebuilding intimacy involves more than just scheduling sex. It requires nurturing emotional closeness, trust, and vulnerability.

For British Asian couples, this often means challenging inherited beliefs about sex and seeking support outside the family circle.

Therapists recommend starting with small, non-sexual forms of physical affection such as holding hands, cuddling, or simply spending quality time without distractions.

Talking about sex, likes, dislikes, fears, and fantasies can feel awkward at first, but it opens the door to emotional connection.

Relationship counsellor Dr Anisha Shah encourages couples to “name the discomfort but keep talking” as a way to normalise vulnerability in long-term relationships.

Couples therapy or sex therapy can be transformative, especially when guided by culturally competent professionals.

For those hesitant about therapy, educational resources, podcasts, or workshops centred around South Asian perspectives on intimacy can offer relatable insights.

Taking the first step, even a small one, signals a shared commitment to reconnect.

Challenging Norms and Prioritising Intimacy

British Asian couples are increasingly carving their paths in love, marriage, and sexuality.

While traditional norms still cast a long shadow, many are embracing openness, emotional honesty, and sexual agency.

Conversations around intimacy are no longer confined to the margins.

They’re finding their way into dinner tables, therapy rooms, and online platforms. Yet change starts at home.

It begins with challenging the silence that surrounds sex, addressing unmet emotional needs, and recognising that physical intimacy is not a luxury.

It’s a vital part of a thriving relationship.

Whether you’ve been together for five or fifteen years, it’s never too late to reignite the connection.

Long-term love isn’t about endless passion, but about rediscovering each other through life’s seasons.

In learning how to communicate, touch, and trust again, couples don’t just rebuild their sex life — they rebuild their bond.