2 in 3 Adults Hide their Kinks from their Partner

Despite growing openness around sex, many adults still feel unable to express their true desires.

A new survey by safety-first dating app Flure has revealed that two-thirds of people have fantasies they are too afraid to share with their partners.

As a result, more than half admit to feeling sexually unfulfilled.

The study, which surveyed 2,000 adults, highlights how fear of judgment stops people from discussing kinks—sexual preferences that go beyond what is considered “conventional.”

Instead of confiding in their partners, 41% of respondents said they would rather share their fantasies with friends.

This secrecy has consequences, with the same proportion admitting that hiding their desires has negatively impacted their relationships.

While public conversations about sex have become more open, kinks remain a sensitive subject.

The term covers a wide range of preferences, from role-play and bondage to power dynamics and exhibitionism.

Yet, kink-shaming—where someone is ridiculed for their preferences—prevents many from being honest about what they enjoy.

Even though nearly half of adults fantasise about public sex, threesomes, or role-play, the fear of embarrassment or rejection keeps those desires locked away.

Many worry that admitting their fantasies could make their partner uncomfortable, leading to shame or conflict.

For British Asians, discussing sex is already a challenge, let alone kinks.

Many South Asian households avoid conversations about intimacy entirely, often treating it as something that should only happen within marriage and never be openly discussed.

This silence leaves many without proper sex education or an understanding of healthy sexual expression.

The concept of “izzat” (honour) and the fear of bringing shame to the family mean sex—especially for women—is often tied to purity rather than pleasure.

Slut-shaming remains prevalent, with women facing harsher judgment for expressing their sexuality.

Even within marriages, traditional gender roles can make it difficult to speak openly about desires.

For men, the struggle is different but just as limiting.

Many feel pressure to fit into rigid ideas of masculinity, leaving little space to express vulnerabilities or explore less conventional dynamics in the bedroom.

The Flure survey highlights how secrecy and fear around kinks can harm relationships.

Open conversations about desires are essential for a fulfilling sex life, yet stigma still holds many back.

With better sex education and less judgment, more people—especially within South Asian communities—may feel empowered to embrace their desires without fear of shame.