Talk about it, to make it enjoyable for both of you
First time sex is probably the most anxious and nervous time for those who want to experience the sexual act.
With sex not being openly discussed within South Asian communities and many young people learning about sex wrongly from mediums like porn, doing it for the first time can be a worrying and stressful period.
As a reminder, sex is legal in the UK if you are over 16 years of age. In India it’s 18 (but being debated to be lowered to 16), in Pakistan it’s 18, it’s 16 in Canada and varies in the USA from 16-18.
So, first time sex should be thought about in terms of age, where and with whom.
As long as you are not breaking laws, first time sex should be a memorable and enjoyable experience.
To help we’ve compiled some key tips to give you a better understanding of what to and what not to do for first time sex and how to make it special.
Whether you are dating or have recently got married and are a virgin, sex for the first time should be with a partner who can understand your worries and not rush you.
There are too many stories of virginity being lost or sex for the first time being ‘in some park’, ‘in his car’, ‘at some random party’ or so quickly done that it was over before you knew it.
Therefore, it should be with a person with whom you are going to make and share this time as a very special moment.
Ideally, it’s someone you are very comfortable with and who is willing as you are, and someone you feel sure about and can trust.
Talk About It
Communication plays a huge role in sex. For first time sex it is even more important.
With Asians seldom talking about sex, this may be difficult for you. But you should put you shyness or awkwardness away, and tell your partner how you feel about it.
So, talking to your partner about having sex for the first time, can ease the anxiety and fears about doing it right or wrong, and can make you both more comfortable with each other.
Watch a video together or check out sex help websites, to learn more about having sex.
Don’t just try to do it or make it some strange surprise or expect it. Talk about it, to make it enjoyable for both of you.
You must know yourself that you are ready, as much as your partner.
Under no circumstances should you feel peer pressure, or be worried you are the only one still a virgin or concerned about what people think.
This can happen to girls and women a lot where they are made to feel bad, more often than boys or men.
Females can be much more cautious than men about being ready. Men can be ridiculed more than women for not having had sex.
This decision is yours to make along with your partner, who should feel exactly the same as you.
So, make sure you are both ready, and when you are, don’t rush it, start with touching, feeling, kissing and being relaxed with each other.
Sexual safety is very important.
Therefore, using contraception for first time sex is a must.
The easiest is to use a condom, which should not be excused irrespective if you or your partner feel, you do not want to use one.
Other forms of contraception are available so do not feel shy to go an see a pharmacist, sexual clinic or doctor to find out more.
Neither of you want to fall prey of an unexpected pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease for your first time sex.
Force or Guilt
You should never use force or emotional guilt to get your partner to have sex with you for the first time or at any time.
Being forceful, especially as a man, can lead to many problems, including, it being classed as rape, emotional or physical scarring of your partner for the future and fear of not wanting to do it again.
Making your partner feel guilty or using emotional blackmail that you are going to leave them, or find someone else who will do it, is not the right way to have first time sex.
So, make sure you appreciate and understand your partner’s feelings and concerns about having sex.
Choosing where you have first time sex can make a huge difference.
For an arranged marriage, the setting is usually formal and is a distinct part of the tradition.
In other cases, it might be a honeymoon in a different country, a special date at a hotel or simply at a place you are both comfortable with.
Either way, try and make it a place where both of you can feel relaxed, to ease any anxiety and worry you may have of what to expect.
Having pressure of the wrong place can add to what already needs to be less stressful.
Not being experienced sexually can be a worry. Being scared of not knowing what to do or how to do it can make you feel afraid.
First time sex does not expect you to know, this is where doing it will give you the experience by discovery.
If one of you have had sex before, that should not come in the way of your pleasure and excitement. In fact, it can help, but remember your time is unique with the person, despite his/her past.
The experienced partner should be accommodating, gentle and understanding. He/she should not expect the other to have sex or feel they have some right to it.
Every sexual experience from the first, should be enjoyed by learning more about pleasure and how to give and get it.
If you are going to have sex for the first time with expectations to be met, there is a likely chance you will be disappointed.
It is not like in the movies or a fictional book. It is real life and with real life many factors play a role when it comes to sex.
As a man due to nerves or feeling pressured, you may find it difficult to achieve an erection for the occasion or you may ejaculate quickly. You should not let these things put you of. Just, relax and try again.
As a woman you may fear of how it will feel, some discomfort during it and worrying if you will orgasm or not. Talk to your partner, tell him how you feel and take your time.
Sex for some people for the first time can be a let down because it might happen quickly or not as imagined. For others, it may not happen at all because one partner may not be ready yet or stopped it.
So, it is important not to have any expectations for your first time but to go into it with a complete open mind. This will help you relax and enjoy it better.
The points described are not everything that matters for first time sex. There are many other things that may affect this special time. Because all of us are individual, and so are our needs.
Do not let first time sex be something that you want to forget. Try and make it something you want to remember and cherish for the rest of your life.
So, see your first time as the start of sexual pleasure that you can use to learn from for a future of sexual enjoyment and what can only get better with time and experience.