"You see dating as a process where you practice curiosity"
Summer is underway and so is “wildflowering”, a controversial new dating trend reshaping how people approach modern relationships.
The concept is gaining popularity among daters frustrated with rigid rules, labels and pressure to define relationships too early.
Instead of timelines or expectations, wildflowering encourages relationships to develop organically, with no clear direction or commitment frameworks in place.
In practice, it means letting relationships unfold without defining them as they go.
On one hand, it is described as freeing, especially in an era of heavily structured dating advice and app-driven expectations.
On the other, it can leave people emotionally unprotected.
Dating coach Amy Chan, author of Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts, says the approach has merit but depends heavily on individual behaviour patterns:
“If you’re someone who tends to future-trip on a first or second date, wondering if this person could be your partner or the parent of your children, or you’re asking interview-style questions to see if they fit a checklist in your head, then you probably would benefit from taking a more relaxed approach.
“But if you’re on the opposite side, where you’re great at getting dates one and two but never let connections deepen, and you avoid commitment or labels because intimacy feels uncomfortable, then ‘going with the flow’ may actually be keeping you stuck.”
Wildflowering sits in contrast to more goal-driven approaches to dating, where people either “date to marry” or define relationships early on.
Instead, it prioritises curiosity and self-discovery through experience.
Chan added: “You see dating as a process where you practice curiosity, get to know yourself along the way, and through dating different people, you get clearer on what you want.”
Meanwhile, Damona Hoffman, dating coach and author of F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story, says wildflowering reflects wider frustration with today’s dating scene.
She said: “It seems to have emerged as a reaction to something that I hate, the gamification of dating.”
She added that the trend “potentially sets you up for disappointment down the road, if you have no framework, no guidelines, no standards for how you want something to unfold romantically”.
In many ways, wildflowering reflects a broader divide in modern dating culture.
One side favours control, structure and early definition. The other leans into uncertainty, hoping connection will naturally evolve without interference.
According to experts, neither approach is universally right or wrong. Instead, the key is self-awareness.
Chan said: “It depends on what your historical patterns are. There are some people who jump into a relationship too quickly.
“These are the ones that would benefit from taking the wildflowering approach.”
However, she warned the trend can also reinforce unhelpful habits if misapplied:
“Then there’s those on the other side of the extreme, where they wildflower a little too much – jumping from person to person and never really allowing a connection to deepen.
“These are the ones where some structure and commitment could benefit them.”
Loading ...