"I hate myself because I have no control."
Fatima Sana Shaikh revealed she has been battling two serious health issues for years. She said epilepsy and a damaging eating disorder have shaped her life since her debut in Dangal.
She explained how her struggle with food began after intense training for the 2016 blockbuster.
Speaking to Rhea Chakraborty on her Chapter 2 podcast, Fatima said:
“I have had a love-hate relationship with myself, and I’ve been addicted to a certain image of myself. I’ve had a toxic relationship with food.
“I put on weight in Dangal because I had to. When I’m goal-oriented, I’d do everything.
“I was training for three hours, so I had to consume 2,500-3,000 calories every day for me to gain weight.
“When the movie got over, I wasn’t training as much, but I was still having 3,000 calories because I was used to it.”
That shift in routine made her “unfit” and “unhealthy”.
She said her eating became uncontrollable and isolating:
“Food became my comfort space. I could eat nonstop for hours. I hate myself because I have no control. I operate in extremes.
“Just a couple of days ago, I kept eating for two hours. Then I’d go in starve mode.
“In fact, it was so disabling that I wasn’t stepping out of the house.”
Things worsened when she battled bulimia for two years.
“My understanding of diet was so rigid. That I have to consume only these many calories in a day.
“Even now, I think about food all the time. I’m always hungry. But I’ve gotten awareness of it because that unhealthy relationship has been changing for years.”
She recalled when her Dangal co-star Sanya Malhotra confronted her. She said she felt ashamed once she realised the extent of the problem.
Fatima thanked screenwriter Rahul Mody for helping her rebuild a healthier relationship with food:
“That’s no way to live. Are you so trapped in your mind so much that you can’t even step outside your house? There are days now that I binge on food, but I don’t feel guilty. I chose it.”
Fatima Sana Shaikh also opened up about battling epilepsy.
In one incident, Rhea recalled one event when Fatima felt dizzy and began seeing orbs after being exposed to bright lights. It worsened until Fatima had to be sent home.
The actress is doing better now because she takes medication three times a day. But she admitted she resisted treatment at first.
She confessed: “I thought nothing is wrong with me. Why are you giving me medicines for mentally challenged people?
“Because your association is that if someone gets an epilepsy episode, then they’re possessed or consumed drugs or are attention-seeking.
“I don’t feel bad for myself, but for them that they don’t have the empathy to understand that it could be a condition.”
She said she has even had epilepsy episodes on set. She explained how she has learnt to adapt:
“Now, that is my life. I have to live with it. People who work with me know about it and they don’t have any problem. My world has been very accepting of it.
“But it gives me a lot of anxiety, especially earlier, because I’d think what if an episode occurs when I’m in front of the paparazzi?”
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