"I'm really struggling to cope."
An inquest heard that a nurse killed her daughter and herself with drugs she stole from work, three years after she was suspended following a misconduct investigation.
West London Coroner’s Court heard that Shiwangi Bagaon fatally injected herself and her two-year-old daughter Ziana in their family home in Hounslow on December 14, 2020.
Police later found out that the nurse tried to take her own life in 2017.
After being suspended from work for over a year, she returned to work at West Moreland Street Hospital in July 2020.
Shiwangi and Ziana were found dead by the toddler’s grandmother Jassumati Lalu shortly after 4 pm.
Despite frantic efforts from the London Ambulance Service, both could not be saved.
In a note addressed to her mother, Shiwangi wrote:
“Dear mum I am sorry I have put you through a lot. I am taking Zia with me because I don’t want to be selfish in leaving her to you.
“You have done so much for both of us. And all I have done is give you stress.”
Jassumati used her key to enter the flat as she had not heard from Shiwangi for several days and was becoming increasingly concerned.
Detective sergeant Terry Goodman, who was the lead officer investigating the case, said:
“Enquiries found that vials of drugs were stolen from West Moreland Street Hospital, from a locked cabinet Shiwangi had 24-hour access to.”
On December 11, 2020, at around 4 am, Shiwangi and Ziana left their home address and went to West Moreland Street Hospital in the middle of the night, arriving shortly after 4:20 am.
At 4:26 am, they were caught on camera going to the second floor before Shiwangi used her key fob to gain access to the operating theatres.
The drugs were kept in a combination locked fridge. Shiwangi accessed the fridge and left shortly after.
During the police investigation, several witness statements were taken, including from her partner, named only as her colleague Joseph, as well as Ziana’s father Jijesh.
CCTV footage found that Shiwangi and Joseph had a huge argument around a week before her death.
Shiwangi last used her phone to contact anyone on December 10, 2020.
Messages from around November 15 revealed that Shiwangi was missing her father.
Messages from the nurse to Joseph revealed that she was “struggling to get through the day”, and the tone of the messages changed in the week leading to her death.
One read: “You know I’m stressing out, at least just be here with me.”
Another said: “I’m really struggling to cope. I’ve been telling you that I’ve been having all these hopeless thoughts and you haven’t taken any note of that.”
On December 9, she sent Joseph a picture of a note that she had written to her daughter, which stated that she felt she was a “bad mother”.
Two days before her death, the nurse messaged Joseph:
“Please come home today. I am barely hanging on.”
The court heard that in the hours before her death, Shiwangi Googled how certain drugs worked.
The medical cause of death for both Shiwangi and Ziana was given as “respiratory failure due to drug intoxication”.
Recording the conclusion that Ziana was “unlawfully killed” and that Shiwangi died by suicide, West London’s acting senior coroner Lydia Brown told the court:
“In 2017, Shiwangi attempted to take her own life using the same method she used three years later.”
“At the time, she received support from her employment and was able to continue her work as an operating department practitioner.
“At 4 am on December 11, 2020, she entered the hospital where she worked, where she took drugs which were later found at their home.
“A final note was written to her mother that morning. All the evidence suggests that she died shortly after that note was written.
“Ziana’s mother set up an intravenous line with equipment she used in her employment in operating theatres, and administered drugs to Ziana with intention of ending her life.
“Ziana was found dead on the bed beside her mum, after being unlawfully killed.”
Referring to Shiwangi’s death, Ms Brown said:
“Shiwangi had taken anaesthetic drugs and equipment from her employer.
“She wrote a number of notes expressing her apologies to her friends and family. I am confident that on the balance of probabilities, that she intended to take her own life.
“Therefore, I record a conclusion of suicide.”
Detective Chief Inspector Jim Shirley, from the Met’s Specialist Crime Command, said:
“This is a truly tragic case and my thoughts are with Shiwangi and Ziana’s family as they continue to come to terms with what has happened.
“They have suffered a terrible loss in unimaginably difficult circumstances.
“We will never fully know what led Shiwangi to do what she did. It is clear that mental ill health must have played a significant role.
“As police officers we know all too well the scale of the mental health challenge in our communities and we see the impact it has on those who are suffering and on their families and loved ones.
“If you are struggling, having thoughts of harming yourself or others, or just need to talk, there is help out there.
“Please ask for it. The charities Mind and the Samaritans both have a range of helpful advice and resources available online.
“They operate phone lines for people in crisis and can advise on how to get support in person too.”
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