"Could I have prevented it? What happened that day?"
Ruby Bhogal has revealed she suffered a miscarriage just months into her pregnancy. The 36-year-old TV baker shared the devastating news in a heartfelt video uploaded to her Instagram on Sunday evening.
Ruby, who appeared on Great British Bake Off 2018, said she and her husband James had discovered they were expecting their first child during a second honeymoon in Mexico last November.
She said: “This isn’t the video we were hoping to be sharing with you today.
“I was hoping to be sharing a video with you all telling you how excited I was because James and I found out we were pregnant when we went away to Mexico at the end of last year.
“And we were thrilled and elated.
“James has been so broody for years and it’s always been me who’s been pushing the brakes on everything.”
She revealed that she had a missed miscarriage just before Christmas and admitted struggling to return to posting her usual light-hearted content.
Ruby described seeking support from others going through similar experiences, saying:
“I’ve spent the last three weeks actively seeking out a community of people going through the same thing, listening to a shared grief.
“Being in awe of people showing such strength and courage at a time which truly just destabilises you to your very core.
“And whilst I’m hoping this makes someone else feel less alone, I guess I’m also hoping that it does the same for me too.
“I’m hoping one day it gives me some sort of clarity on how to move forward and how to accept this grief, because right now I feel quite heartbroken and really lost, teamed with lots of endless questions about why?
“Why me? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something more? Should I have done something better? Could I have prevented it? What happened that day?”
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She heartbreakingly added: “And then there’s that overarching feeling of failure.
“Like I failed myself and I failed James and I failed our future and I failed most importantly, our baby.”
“I would be screaming at my friend if the shoe was on the other foot, telling them that it wasn’t their fault, but my mind is having quite a hard time accepting that.
“So please bear with me over here and also over on my newsletter. I just need a bit of time to try and find my feet and try and find myself in this new chapter.
“I’m trying to learn that it’s ok to not be ok and learn that it’s ok to also ask for help. I will still continue and hold out hope that one day will be our day. It’s just not today.”
Ruby Bhogal explained that she wanted to share the news to help herself process the grief and to support others facing similar losses.
Her followers and friends quickly offered messages of support following the announcement.
It comes after she revealed that she had secretly married James, who is known for presenting on BBC’s Morning Live.
However, the couple’s honeymoon was far from smooth, with Ruby suffering e.coli, contracting Covid, and spraining her ankle during the trip.
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