"It’s genuinely when their smile is infectious."
It’s always a fun topic to discuss with girlfriends but if you’re a British Asian guy, how much do you really know about what your female counterparts find sexy?
Sex and attraction are still somewhat of a taboo in the British Asian community. Because of this, uncovering real opinions can be difficult.
Of course, what British Asian girls find sexy could widely differ, especially with such varying influences from both East and West.
DESIblitz has already asked British Asian guys their opinions. However, now we’re asking British-born Desi women on what they find sexy in a man and what they don’t.
Hair offers an incredibly tactile experience in a relationship.
Whether a couple is kissing or being playfully affectionate, running your hands through your partner’s hair is often a natural instinct.
For many, it can be a very soothing experience for the guy and girl with Davina revealing:
“I love my boyfriend’s hair. He jokingly complains that I mess it up when I’m lying on his chest and playing with it. But his hair is so nice that I can’t help myself.”
Hair is crucial for that initial attraction too, as Taz states:
“I usually go for guys that have good hair. I hate long hair. If their hair is good, then I focus on the rest of their face.”
Indeed, Lalita is very passionate about what she doesn’t like when it comes to a guy’s trim. She emphatically doesn’t like “those fader haircuts”, declaring that “they’re absolutely ugly”.
Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be adventurous when picking a hairstyle.
Aisha says that she dislikes “typical boys”, citing the Korean Pop band as guys who are “different”.
She makes a particular note of “their hair colour, their sense of style and they don’t follow stereotypes for men.”
In fact, she finds it sexy when guys have hair like them, paying special attention to male hairstyles when “it’s a different colour of style like BTS have it”.
Aisha might not be alone in this, considering the rising popularity of Korean Pop bands with young British Asian women.
Therefore, their fashion-forward look may be a great source of inspiration.
Ditch the Razor?
Luckily for the more hirsute guy, British Asian women additionally seem to have a liking for beards.
Although, Taz puts it bluntly:
“If they have a beard, it can’t be a shit beard.”
A sentiment Lalita echoes, favouring “a good height and beard – if possible.”
We discuss this further with Jasmin.
“I never used to like facial hair on a guy, probably because of the wild beards I’d see on Bollywood villains or older men.”
“But as I’ve got older and seen how guys will take more care to trim and sculpt their facial hair, I’ve grown to like them more. My boyfriend has a well-kept beard and I love how masculine it makes him in comparison.”
This trend for smart-looking facial hair is apparent in Bollywood too. Many notable film stars demonstrate the power of good grooming and this makes them attractive romantic heroes.
Harpreet cites facial hair as a quality that catches her interest. For her, Ranveer Singh is a perfect example of what she finds sexy.
Still, for the gentlemen who can’t grow facial hair, all is not lost.
It’s All In The Face
Many of the British Asian girls found specific facial features sexy.
Laughing, Davina defines her taste as a “great jawline and organisation”. She tells us:
“I don’t really have a type, maybe from being bisexual. But for men, I gravitate towards guys with good bone structure and defined cheekbones.”
Jaspreet’s celebrity crush is Hrithik Roshan, who is equally adept at pulling off the clean-shaven and bearded look with his killer jawline.
Similarly, Aleena finds “sharp features” on a guy sexier. Whereas Riya loves dimples and a good smile.
Rukshana gave a particularly lovely answer to what she finds sexy:
“If I were to say a physical feature, it’s genuinely when their smile is infectious. Some people have faces where their ease in laughter has left etches around their eyes and cheeks.”
“My boyfriend’s ears bounce up and down like a little puppy. It’s annoyingly endearing.”
Facial hair on men may be a popular trend currently, but there are other ways to catch a girl’s eye.
From speaking to British Asian girls, embracing unique quirks helps guys find their way into their hearts.
Strong Not Skinny
Despite the British Asians girls having stronger preferences for facial features, they do have opinions on a guy’s build.
As Lalita has previously mentioned, height is important for a guy.
Then Jaspreet explains the reasons behind one of her choices for what she finds sexy:
“I guess height because I’m small, so I’d rather be with someone tall rather than small too.”
Before shorter guys despair, this isn’t a stringent rule. Rather the key is to balance this with a “good build”.
Taz discusses dating skinnier guys in the past. But, as she’s got older, her tastes are different and “I’m not attracted to guys who are majorly skinny now.”
This is reflected in Raveeta’s preferences.
Even when traditionally dating guys with a slimmer build, she apologises for being “superficial” but doesn’t like a “super skinny” guy.
Fahmida says it’s incredibly romantic to get a guy that’s able to pick you up and conveys “a sense of masculine strength”.
But she clarifies that finding a happy medium is more important.
“If a guy is shorter but super built, it can look proportionally off. It’s better to keep toned, rather than having four pack abs.”
“In fact, it’s quite intimating when a guy is very buff. Keeping fit and active together is fun, rather than a guy who is always running off to the gym.”
Above all, however, the British Asian girls had far more opinions on personality than looks.
Moving away from looks, Alya quickly informs us:
“I like intelligence, it’s very attractive when a guy is clever.”
Intelligence is equally important to Harpreet and a lack of it, is a turn-off, especially:
“If they use too much slang when they talk and if they talk about sex literally all the time.”
Although, it’s important to get smart in other ways. British Asian girls find classic smarts sexy but this goes hand in hand with ambition like for Harpreet.
Disliking “typical boys”, Alya admires “someone is ambitious and passionate”, adding:
“I love passionate people, or different and unique – someone who isn’t afraid to like different things and break the typical stereotypes.”
In general, avoiding superficiality is the way to go. Alya knows what she finds sexy and doesn’t:
“I hate guys who are typically Asian. The type like: “yeah I like cars and I can buy a fancy one” or “wow, look at me, I can wear Gucci and I like listening to Trap music etc.”
“Unless it’s a passion, general things like that put me off.”
In short, British Asian girls appear to find qualities like ambition and intelligence sexy without necessarily wanting the material benefits like a high paying job.
Instead, their interest takes finds someone special they can connect with. This potentially links to their own passions.
Expand Your Horizons
Aleena goes on step further by liking “guys that speak more than one language, that are open to other cultures or religions and open minded – guys that aren’t typical guys.”
Bina expands on this preference for mastering different languages:
“It shows a curiosity about the world. They’re open to experiences beyond their own to the extent that they’re willing to put themselves out.”
“I enjoy travelling so I want someone who could share that passion with me.”
While you’re on the path to becoming a languages whizz, Riya puts it more simply:
“An accent comes into being sexy too. If a guy’s well-spoken with a sexy foreign accent.”
This may seem intimidating yet the simple quality of making an effort can do wonders for appearing attractive.
Thanks to Rukshana’s comment, learn to persevere and show yourself to be “always trying -whether it’s something new, persevering through hard times, unlearning some BS – that’s someone who doesn’t shy away when met with a problem.
Nevertheless, the British Asian girls revealed some even more straightforward ideas on what they find sexy.
It’s perhaps worrying that many of the girls brought manners up, but being especially conscientious of manners will likely wow.
Lalita states “good hygiene” and the “ability to make polite conversation” is attractive.
Then Aisha emphasises that her turn-off is:
“Arrogance – I can’t stand it. If someone is arrogant they lose appeal, no matter how good looking they are.”
In a handy tidbit of advice, she mentions:
“Also, I like to observe how a guy is with the waiters when we are out. It says a lot about them if they’re nice to me but horrible to the waiter.”
Riya also cites being “loud and arrogance” as major turn-offs. Instead, she likes a “chivalrous” guy.
Dressing plays a part of this since Riya looks for:
“A neat appearance – groomed hair and a good shirt or jumper go a long way.”
This explains her celebrity crush on Eddie Redmayne, known for being a simple but snappy dresser.
Lalita is equally turned-off by “clumsy dressing”, before noting:
“Piercings – I personally can’t do men with piercings.”
Piercing and tattoos may be a subjective experience, yet it’s important to make note of this.
On one hand, body modification is an individual’s choice. On the other, extensive or more unconventional tattoos and piercings can present an obstacle both personally and professionally.
Communication is Key
In response to what British Asian girls find sexy, Jaspreet immediately comments that:
“Humour is my number one. It automatically makes everyone more attractive and you can’t be with someone if their humour is dead.”
However, it’s important to know where the boundaries are. While she brought this up as a separate quality, Jaspreet gives us all a key reminder that:
“Secondly they have to be open-minded in terms of equality. So if they’re racist, homophobic, sexist or transphobic, then it’s a major no. But that’s rare to find in Asians.”
Mani reinforces these points, needing:
“Humour, banter and the ability to deal with my sassiness and attitude. They need to realise I’m being sarcastic.”
Again, she emphasises the need for balancing, stating:
“Guys also need to able to have a conversation. I can’t cope with people who are dead, on text and in real life. Basically, I like having banter but I also like serious and deep conversations.”
Commenting on the need for balance, the British Asian girls are ultimately highlighting the need for good communication skills.
Whether it’s part of an initial attraction or a long-term relationship, the basics win. Good communication is a familiar principle of building all human relationships.
Nevertheless, in some ways, British Asians have unique reasons to work on their communication skills.
In an incredibly profound and essential piece of advice, Rukshana ends with the note that she values:
“Transparency. That doesn’t mean handing over your passwords to everything so I know all your business. To me, it’s just being upfront with how you feel and telling me where we stand – especially if I’ve done something that has upset you.”
She explains this further:
“I am impatient by nature so don’t like to waste my time. Playing games, being vague in a shit attempt to being ‘sexy and mysterious’ – the doesn’t work for me. I’m not the person who wants to have a committee around me when there’s confusion in our WhatsApp messages.”
She sadly reveals:
“Being transparent is something I try to be, even though sometimes being upfront about my feelings hasn’t worked.”
“But I don’t regret it because I’ve grown up in a culture (British Asian) where women have been conditioned to be caregivers that their self-esteem hinges on it. Some people equate that level of transparency as being vulnerable and they’re scared to talk about their feelings. That should not be seen as a weakness.”
Ending on the powerful note:
“Transparency is one way of confirming self-worth, and you can’t help but respect that.”
From talking to many British Asian women, the recurrent theme seems to be frustration with men’s communication skills.
Naturally, there are more light-hearted matters that affect attraction. For instance, Mani mentions paying attention to guys’ “music taste and if they can dance properly.”
Of course, appearance plays a part in women’s attraction with a great hairstyle along with a winning smile stealing hearts.
Nonetheless, when it comes to what British Asian girls find sexy, communication is the foundation.
From how you communicate with your sense of style and your behaviour to others to how you communicate about your future and personal interests, this is a huge factor for women.
British Asian girls don’t want you to change but putting your best foot forward improves your chances in the tricky game of attraction. So why not give yourself the best odds possible?