“You’re more likely to have matched expectations"
Age-gap relationships can be complicated for anyone, but for South Asians, questions around family expectations, marriage and having children can add another layer to the decision.
While some couples may face judgement over a significant age difference, there are suggestions that a smaller gap could be linked to greater relationship satisfaction and longevity.
Although people may find happiness with a younger partner, experts suggest there may be benefits to having a smaller age difference.
According to psychotherapist Eloise Skinner, a zero to three-year age gap is the ideal difference.
She told Metro: “This age gap is likely to result in a longer-lasting relationship, according to research.”
One reason is that couples closer in age may be more likely to be at similar stages of their lives.
“You’re more likely to have matched expectations financially in terms of spending, saving and investments, as well as health-wise.”
This can also affect everyday life, including physical activities, childcare and travel.
Partners closer in age may be more likely to have similar physical abilities and want to spend their free time in comparable ways.
For South Asian couples, these considerations can become particularly relevant when relationships involve expectations around marriage, children and financial stability.
Family opinions can also play a significant role, particularly where there are expectations around when someone should settle down or start a family.
However, having a small age gap does not guarantee a successful relationship, while a larger difference does not automatically mean a couple will struggle.
Skinner explained that research shows relationship satisfaction can decline over the course of a relationship for couples with significant age gaps.
She said: “Age gap couples might be less resilient when it comes to challenging events in their marriage, compared to similarly aged couples, according to research.”
There are also practical considerations that can become more significant as couples grow older.
Skinner said: “Some bigger, more practical life challenges that might arise are topics like starting a family – if one partner is much older, there can be issues around conception, mismatches in parenting styles, and a higher likelihood of a child losing one parent when the child is still relatively young.
“Financial planning, where one partner is planning for retirement, whereas the other might be taking more financial risks, can also be a problem.”
There is no definitive age gap that makes a relationship unsuitable, according to Skinner.
Instead, couples need to consider whether their circumstances and expectations are compatible.
She does, however, highlight another potential concern with larger age differences: power dynamics.
“There’s the potential concern of power dynamics in an age gap relationship – for example, where one person has more financial resources, a bigger career or status.”
Such dynamics are not exclusive to age-gap relationships, however, and can occur between couples of similar ages too.
“Of course, this can also occur without age gaps present.
“For a sustainable, long-term relationship, partners should aim to be on similar levels in terms of emotional maturity, psychological maturity, values, goals and preferences, which might be more likely to occur in smaller or no age-gap relationships.”
Ultimately, the research suggests that age can matter, but it is only one factor in determining whether a relationship lasts.
