"“Listen! You need to marry. Otherwise, no one will want you!"
You are at that typical British Desi wedding. The event is full of the usual razmataz, colour and union of people.
Relatives, cousins and friends all play a catch up as to who is doing well in business, work and life.
Women look at each other’s clothes and appearances with subtle gossip filling the matrimonial air related to the bride in particular.
The wedding gets into full swing at the reception party and while you are having a good time with friends. Suddenly, there she is. The Desi aunty smiling and looking eager to talk to
She pops the question without any warning:
“How old are you now? Over 35 AND not married?”
As you try to explain and reply, you know she not having any of it.
“You have a good job, you are fair and good-looking, you come from a good family. But why no marriage partner? Why?!”
Often the reply is your desire not to marry because you are happy to be single and independent.
To which a boomerang reply will be:
“Listen! You need to marry. Otherwise, no one will want you! Do you want to be a single Indian for the rest of your life?!”
This display of ‘Desi aunty concern’ for your marital well being is something that is faced by most 35 something Indians in the UK.
So, let’s look at why the Desi aunty is so keen to get us hitched but at the same time how things have changed for both Indian women and men in the UK when it comes to finding a partner.
Traditional vs. Modern
The Desi aunty will appear out of nowhere at functions, social gatherings and even random visits to your home with an excuse to see your parents.
On one hand, they cannot be blamed, for this was the only way marriages at one time were arranged via the ‘Desi aunty network’
Arranged marriages also engaged uncles too. Often known as the ‘vichola’ in Punjabi communities or middle-man to others.
Between them they were mostly responsible for assuring introductions and bonds between two families, leading to marriages between their children.
What the Desi aunty thinks of as a good match is a person whose attributes meet the criteria of a ‘safe future’.
A good match as seen by a Desi aunty is that of one who has a good job and income, owns property, provides security and comes from a stable family.
However, comparing this personalised criteria of a Desi aunty to the modern approach to finding a partner, takes us online, to the modern way.
Indian online dating and matrimonial sites have exploded over the years and have become the ‘new’ Desi aunty network.
Finding an Indian partner, today is a click away without having to hear a Desi aunty getting you to agree to someone, you have not had the chance to get to know.
An online profile can provide you with the criteria and much more on a well respected and bonafide dating website which targets Indians especially.
With so many websites and apps available, it is always important to choose a site which is trusted and provides candidates who are real potentials than time wasters.
One example online dating site with a proven reputation is MingleGuru. Where the website is dedicated to its niche of British Indians.
So, when looking for an Indian partner a website like this can help you locate like-minded profiles much more quickly.
It addresses the problem of many Desi dating websites which often try to cater to every kind of British Asian.
This modern way of finding a partner online definitely maps very easily onto what the community service the Desi aunty provides but the difference is, you decide instead of her!
However, finding the right person on such an Indian dating website still needs some guidance to get the most return from it.
From creating a profile to get you noticed to finding the right person still needs some good know how.
Unless you want the Desi aunty to sit with you and do that too?!
Not the ‘Desi Aunty’ Profile
Now, when creating a profile for yourself on an Indian dating site, you do not want to create it the ‘Desi aunty way’ – inflated, biased and photos which have been possibly photo-shopped to the max!
One of the biggest mistakes made by those seriously looking for a partner online is that of creating inaccurate or lack-lustre profiles.
Whilst the aim of your profile is to ‘sell you’ as the Desi aunty does to ‘sell you’ to prospects, the difference is you have complete control over what you say and how you ‘sell yourself’ (in a nice way of course!).
Your profile needs to reflect who you are. As a person, as an individual and above all, as a prospective partner.
It should as a minimum include the following attributes
- Real name and age
- Decent and realistic photo(s)
- Good and honest biodata
- Who you are, your aspirations, interests and why you can make someone a life partner
- What you a really looking for in a partner and why
It is important you define your criteria clearly and avoid ambiguity in your profile.
On a site like, MingleGuru, as its name suggests, you do have the valuable opportunity to mingle with other singles who are looking for the same as you.
But the first impression you make is always going to be that of your profile. Incomplete profiles and poor profiles, always fail to impress.
A dating site like MingleGuru gives you an Indian single person, the platform and gateway to attract other singles who are of the same background and culture.
So, don’t let the Desi aunty do the ‘selling’ on your behalf. Take control of your own search for that someone special by creating a profile that truly sells you.
Better than The ‘Desi Aunty’ Search
Unlike the search of the Desi aunty, who brings prospects biased by her which are usually highlighted by expected Desi attributes, a photo and basic information; online dating sites provide you with much more and of course, the freedom to choose.
Saying ‘no’ to a Desi aunty also needs an explanation as to why you do not like a candidate but in your online search, you are in full control with no explanations needed!
So, how can you maximise your time when doing searches?
Well, there are some simple rules you can follow to help you locate individuals who are going to match what you want in a person.
When using a dating site such as MingleGuru, do not just start searching in an ad-hoc way. This will waste a lot of your time just browsing through endless profiles and looking at photos.
First, write down and think very clearly of what or who you are looking for.
When you start searching, stick to your criteria and do be dismissive of those profiles not meeting your needs.
Too many people will react merely to photos, which as said, could be very well photoshopped and not be very representative of the person at all.
Next, what you need to look at is the profile overall and what a person says about themselves to you. This is where the detail lies, not the photos.
If the profile is weak and does not say much, then this is a person that the Desi aunty would not even bother to introduce to you. So, why would you want to pursue someone like this online even?
It highly indicates that they cannot be bothered to make the effort. So, such profiles returned in the search always need to be looked at with caution.
Remember you are in control, so do not be swayed or persuaded by ‘over-selling’ profiles either. If it is too good to be true, then it most likely is!
Think back to the Desi aunty ‘selling tactics’ when they convince your family the guy or girl are the best ever and the most ideal match!
So, do make use of a dating site comparable to MingleGuru to help you easily find but filter the ideal British Indian candidates that meet your specific preferences.
Create a shortlist of potential candidates that interest you, rather than just messaging or contact people at random.
Then, when you do contact a potential match, do make your messages personalised to the individual. Do not just cut and paste and send multiple people the same message. If you do, it makes you no different to profiles which are weak.
Just saying ‘Hi, how are you?’ does not say a lot about you.
If you were introduced by the Desi aunty to someone and you made no effort. It is likely it will not go down well!
So, do make the effort because after finding people from your searches online.
On a site akin to MingleGuru, which works on your phone too, you have the valuable opportunity to make contact with like-minded Indians easily who will have the interests and attributes you are really looking for.
If you are serious and want to develop a relationship online with the person as a prospect to meet in person, first impressions are based on your communication with their profile.
How you say it and what you say will make all the difference. Especially, on your very first communication online.
Making communication with British Indians on MingleGuru is safe and secure and ensures that your messages are kept personal between you and the potential partner.
So, make the most of such a platform offering you that chance to contact Indians who are over 35 and not married like you too.
Marriage in Indian culture is always going to be an important aspect of Desi life.
However, with the changes in the outlook of independent Indian women and men wishing to secure themselves financially, there is no doubt it is marriage is happening later in life.
Therefore, for those British Indians who are 35 or even older, you do have the exciting opportunity to meet others in the same situation on a dating site like MingleGuru, whenever you are ready, which will never pressure you like the Desi aunty at a wedding!
So, try online dating on MingleGuru, where you will find all the members are British Indians looking for that special person like you.