“You are now having to adjust to being someone’s daughter-in-law"
BBC Asian Network presenter Guranisha Randhawa spoke about the challenges South Asian women face when moving to a new city and living with in-laws after marriage.
Guranisha appeared on the Indy and Dr Podcast and explained that for women, it is the “expectation” to move where your husband is but “things are starting to change”.
Guranisha’s husband, Satnam, is from Wolverhampton while she is originally from Newcastle.
She explained how she set her boundaries from the beginning when moving to the Midlands.
Within the South Asian community, a woman moving in with her husband and his family after marriage is a cultural expectation.
According to The Office of National Statistics, marriages within the same ethnic group remain the norm.
Guranisha explained: “You are now having to adjust to being someone’s daughter-in-law, but you’re having to adjust to a brand new life, everything.
“The job you love, you can’t have that job there, and you can’t transfer over to that one because they’re only based in Newcastle.
“So now I have to go and find a new job.”
Discussing her social life, she added: “Not to say that I still don’t have them as friends but I also don’t want to be reliant on my husband.
“I don’t mind his friends and his friends’ wives but you also still want your own circle.”
Highlighting the advice she was given when she became a daughter-in-law, Guranisha said:
“My advice I got was start as you mean to go on.
“I walked in there, always respectful and set my boundaries from the start and who I walked in as that day, I am still that person.”
“Yes, I am married to my husband and you guys are also my family but I don’t need to do anything to prove myself because what am I trying to prove?”
@indyanddr @Gura | Motherhood & Travel on how difficult it can be for women, when getting married and moving cities to your in-laws area. Is this the cultural norm? Or is this starting to shift? Clip taken from Episode 247 of the podcast. #brownwomen #indyanddr #guralicious #desiweddings #desirelationships ? Perfect Day – Morunas
Many South Asian TikTok users spoke about their experiences moving to a new city post-marriage.
Sindy Kaur said: “I think the boundaries have to be broken when it’s decided to move to where the guy is.
“I have a really good teaching job, do I just leave and get a new one and start all over. Why can’t it be the other way round?”
Another comment read: “These conversations need to happen before getting married.
“I do agree that you need to set your boundaries right from the get go, then there is no disappointment.”
Guranisha Randhawa co-hosts One More Chai on BBC Asian Network with SMASHBengali, and hosts the weekend show on Saturday from 3 pm to 6 pm.
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