“I had to justify my reasons as to why I wanted to go out"
A British Indian woman shared her advice for people living in “toxic Indian households”, arguing that this is a sign to move out.
Sonam, who has frequently talked about living with a narcissistic parent on TikTok, shared the video as part of her “Living Out Alone” series.
In the video, Sonam addresses “any young guy or girl out there”, but says the message is particularly relevant to young Indian women who face cultural pressure to remain at home until marriage.
She describes growing up in what she calls a narcissistic and emotionally abusive environment.
Sonam detailed: “Mine was from my parents because I’ve got a narcissistic mom and a dad that enabled the behaviour, so I never had any support or protection at home.”
She alleged her mother was “incredibly jealous” and “incredibly angry” and sought to control multiple aspects of her life, including her finances.
Financial control, she argues, was a key tactic. Despite earning her own money since the age of 14 and paying rent in the family home, she says she was repeatedly challenged over everyday spending.
“Why do you need to spend money on going to a gym?” her mother would ask, even when she wanted to attend classes after work.
Sonam said: “I had to justify my reasons as to why I wanted to go out for an hour or two in the evening.”
She described this as coercive behaviour designed to erode autonomy and create guilt.
Under UK law, coercive or controlling behaviour within a family relationship is recognised as a criminal offence.
Domestic abuse charities note that financial monitoring, guilt-tripping and restricting independence can form part of a wider pattern of emotional abuse.
The TikToker says toxic parents often weaponise fear to prevent children from leaving:
“They’re gonna convince you that your whole world’s gonna end if you move out.”
Rejecting that narrative, she argued: “You’re gonna reclaim your identity and you’re gonna reclaim your independence and freedom.”
Sonam believes “women get the most slack”, claiming they are frequently warned that moving out will damage their reputation.
She dismissed such accusations as “fake labels” intended to shame women into compliance.
Her message is not that every young person should cut ties with their family. She acknowledges that going “no contact” is “an individual decision”.
Instead, she focuses on the practical and emotional benefits of living independently.
She stated:
“The minute you move out, you actually start to know who you are.”
From choosing how to spend money to managing daily routines, she describes small freedoms as transformative.
@sonams_story #fy #indianparents #toxicfamily #livingalone #freedom ? original sound – Sonam
Sonam later moved in with her partner and believes living independently first helped her understand what she wanted from a relationship.
Rents remain high across much of the UK, and moving out is not financially feasible for everyone. However, she argues that the long-term cost of staying in an abusive environment can be greater than the price of rent, adding:
“Please, please just move out as soon as you can from a toxic Indian household.”
On what happens after making that decision, Sonam said:
“Your life gets so much sweeter, more peaceful and better when you make that decision.”
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