"I was just super low, constantly crying"
Aaliyah Kashyap took to her YouTube channel to talk about her mental health battle.
The daughter of filmmaker Anurag Kashyap, Aaliyah revealed that she has been battling anxiety and depression since she was a teenager.
However, things got worse a few months ago.
In the video, Aaliyah explained: “I have always dealt with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, so maybe since I was 13-14.
“I have always dealt with it on and off but it has never been bad to the point where I couldn’t cope.
“It has always been easy for me to snap out of it. If I really wanted to snap out of it, I could.
“It was all in my head, it never bothered me to the point where it was like ruining my life.
“It wasn’t interfering with my life. Like I would feel depressed and anxious, but I could snap out of it.”
In November 2020, US-based Aaliyah tested positive for Covid-19. She was in quarantine and her mental health “really deteriorated”.
She continued: “Since then, I just haven’t been able to snap out of it, which is weird for me, because usually, it is so easy for me to just snap out of it.
“I’ll do a therapy or counselling session and I’ll be fine for months or weeks.
“But it was really hard for me after November. I was just super low, constantly crying, feeling like there was no purpose to my life, like I didn’t want to exist or do anything.
“I thought I was a burden on everyone else and all of these negative interrupting thoughts in my head that obviously aren’t true. But that is what it felt like.”
In the video, Aaliyah revealed that she had an “episode” in December 2020, suffering severe panic attacks.
“I just completely broke down and I was in the hospital for severe panic attacks, which is why my parents flew down here because they were worried about me.”
Her parents stayed with her until the beginning of January 2021 and Aaliyah felt better.
But her mental health declined again towards the end of March.
“I just didn’t get out of bed, I didn’t shower, barely ate.”
In one incident on April 10, Aaliyah experienced a sudden dizzy spell. She recalled:
“Suddenly, my body became numb, completely numb.
“My heart started beating really fast. I started sweating. My body started violently trembling.
“Literally, I was like, ‘I am dying’. It felt like this was it for me and I was going to die.”
“Mind you, I have had panic attacks before but nothing like this, ever.
“So I didn’t know what I was having was a panic attack and not a heart attack or stroke.”
She went to the hospital where doctors told her she had a severe anxiety attack.
“It was like the scariest day and night of my life. I felt so much anxiety, for no reason. Like, nothing triggered it.
“After that Sunday night, for the last 10 days, I have felt constant anxiety. Even right now. My heart rate was super high. I couldn’t breathe. My chest was hurting throughout.”
She added: “I don’t think I have ever cried as much in my life combined as I have in this past week.”
Aaliyah decided to visit a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with panic disorder, which is characterised by sudden recurring panic attacks.
After taking medication, Aaliyah said she feels better.
In the video, Aaliyah explained that she told her story to reassure those going through a similar ordeal that they are not alone.