"I feel this constant pressure to be perfect in bed."
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is no longer a problem for older men. It is a new reality for those under 30, including British Asians, and the silence around it is impacting relationships.
Although the community is being more open about sex and intimacy, it is still a subject many are hesitant to discuss.
And erectile dysfunction creates a unique and devastating form of shame.
For decades, ED was considered a part of ageing. Now it is something that is striking younger generations.
Many see erectile dysfunction as a direct link to a lack of sexual prowess.
As a result, men are forced into isolation while their partners are left feeling confused, impacting sex lives and overall relationships.
We explore the causes of this rising crisis among young British Asian men and the impact the silent suffering has had on relationships.
A Rising Crisis
The statistics paint a stark and troubling picture.
According to Male Excel, doctors have reported a 31-fold increase in men under 30 seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction.
This dramatic shift shatters the outdated stereotype that this is a problem of age.
Today, a staggering 25% of men under 40 report some level of erectile dysfunction.
Health expert Dr Peter Fotinos, of Male Excel, said: “ED in younger men is becoming one of the most significant but under-discussed issues in sexual health today.
“What surprises many is that it’s rarely just a ‘plumbing problem’; in fact, the majority of cases in men under 30 have strong psychological or lifestyle roots.
“High levels of stress, anxiety about performance, and the widespread availability of porn have all contributed to what I call a ‘perfect storm’ for erectile issues.”
For young British Asian men, this rise is especially concerning due to added cultural pressure. The causes are complex and multifaceted, going far beyond a simple “plumbing problem”.
The Hidden Drivers
Several interconnected factors drive the rise in erectile dysfunction (ED) among young men.
One of the most significant is the easy access to online pornography. This has led to what experts call “porn-induced desensitisation”.
Constant solo stimulation with extreme or highly specific content can reduce the brain’s sensitivity. Over time, this makes it harder to feel aroused during real-life intimacy with a partner.
In effect, the brain’s reward system becomes rewired, creating a gap between digital fantasy and genuine connection.
Another major factor is the pressure to perform.
Social media and dating apps have created a competitive dating culture, where many young men feel the need to be perfect every time they have sex. This pressure fuels anxiety, which in turn makes sexual difficulties more likely.
Twenty-six-year-old Ravi* explained: “I feel this constant pressure to be perfect in bed.
“It’s all over social media. I’m afraid of disappointing my partner. That fear makes it ten times worse.”
Mental health issues are also significant contributors. Rising antidepressant use, particularly SSRIs, is linked to sexual side effects. Depression itself can also dampen desire and function.
Stress from work, family expectations, or the complexities of modern life also play a major role.
Lifestyle factors are the final piece of the puzzle. Poor sleep, high stress, excessive alcohol consumption, and a sedentary lifestyle all contribute to a decline in overall health.
This includes a weakening of erectile function. ED can also be an early warning sign of more serious underlying health issues.
These issues include cardiovascular disease and diabetes, conditions that disproportionately affect the South Asian community.
The Impact on Relationships
Historically, sex and intimacy have been topics of silence in British South Asian households.
Although more couples are open about sex, certain areas are still shrouded in silence.
One area is erectile dysfunction, so when a man experiences this, it is something that they feel ashamed of.
It becomes something that they would suffer in silence with rather than discuss with their partner. This silence can cause friction within a relationship.
Due to the man’s silence, their partner often doesn’t know what’s going on.
A lack of sex in a relationship is the obvious result of ED but the silence means the woman isn’t to know this, therefore they often feel confused.
This can lead her to question the relationship. She may question her own attractiveness or her partner’s love for her.
This was the case for 28-year-old Priya* when her husband began experiencing difficulties in maintaining an erection:
“When it first happened, I was devastated.
“My husband just shut down. He wouldn’t talk about it at all. He just became distant and irritable.
“I thought it was me, that he didn’t find me attractive anymore.”
“I felt so hurt and confused. It was a secret that felt heavier than anything else in our relationship.”
The immense pressure to have a successful relationship or marriage can compound the issue.
For couples in arranged or semi-arranged marriages, ED can bring intense family pressure and even risk of separation.
The inability to meet this expectation is often seen as shameful, turning a private medical issue into a matter of family honour and cultural expectation.
Being More Open
Breaking the cycle of shame starts with open, honest communication, a shift that can be initially challenging for many British Asian men, given years of cultural conditioning.
Moving from silence to vulnerability is not easy, but it is crucial for the well-being of both the individual and the relationship.
The role of the female partner is central. When she responds with understanding and support, what was once a source of shame can become an opportunity for growth and deeper intimacy.
Sharing his experience, Rehman* said:
“My wife, Ayesha, was the one who pushed me to talk. I was so embarrassed. I couldn’t even say the words out loud.
“She noticed I was pulling away and confronted me with so much love.
“She said, ‘This isn’t just your problem. It’s our problem’.
“That one sentence changed everything. It took away the shame. It allowed me to see that she wasn’t judging me. She wanted to support me.”
Meanwhile, 26-year-old Meera* recalled her journey with her long-term boyfriend Arjun*:
“He was so worried I would break up with him.”
“He had all these fears about being a ‘real man’. I had to reassure him that our relationship was more than just sex. It’s about companionship and love.
“We started going for walks. We talked about his stress from work. It was about building a different kind of closeness.”
Treatment & Trust
The good news is that erectile dysfunction in young men is often highly treatable and even reversible. Solutions go beyond a simple prescription.
A multi-faceted approach, combining medical support, lifestyle changes, and mental health interventions, is usually the most effective.
This holistic strategy addresses the root causes rather than just the symptoms.
Dr Megha Pancholi, a GP and sexual health lead at Boots Online Doctor, stated that in most cases, ED can be treated with medication or lifestyle changes.
She highlighted the prevalence of the issue and the importance of a consultation:
“It is completely normal to experience ED from time to time and is generally nothing to worry about.
“However, erectile problems can be an early sign of conditions like cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.
“It’s important to speak to your GP to help understand the cause and check for any underlying health conditions you may need support with.”
Noting the rise of ED among younger men, Dr Pancholi added:
“ED is a common condition, particularly in men over 40, but we are seeing that it is increasingly affecting younger men too.
“We also know that some men may struggle with performance anxiety.”
The stigma surrounding erectile dysfunction is particularly heavy within the British South Asian community, especially within relationships.
For too long, it has been carried in silence. But with every honest conversation and every individual seeking help, the walls of this taboo slowly begin to crumble.
Overcoming ED is more than a medical journey. It is a path to greater self-awareness, better health, and deeper, more trusting intimacy with a partner.
By speaking openly about their struggles, young British Asian men and their partners can address a health issue and shape a new, more open narrative for their community.
For those experiencing erectile dysfunction, reach out for help and support:
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