"It pleases me because it's a type of tease"
Sexual fetishes are a diverse aspect of human sexuality, reflecting the unique desires and interests of individuals.
In the UK, British Asians have embraced a range of sexual fetishes. However, discussing these topics is a no-go within South Asian culture.
Despite the prevalence and acceptance of sexual kinks in many western societies, South Asian cultures, which value tradition, modesty, and privacy, often consider such topics taboo.
Several factors contribute to the continued reluctance to discuss and accept sexual fetishes. One of which is down to cultural norms and traditional values.
South and British Asian cultures tend to emphasise modesty, making open discussions about sex and sexuality challenging.
Maintaining a respectable image within the community often leads to suppressing any discussions related to sexual desires or fetishes.
Likewise, British Asian societies often place significant importance on conforming to social expectations.
Engaging in open conversations about sexual fetishes is seen as deviant behaviour. This fear of judgment and rejection contributes to the silence surrounding these topics.
Additionally, comprehensive sex education is inadequate or absent altogether within Desi households.
The lack of knowledge and understanding about diverse sexual interests and practices perpetuates the taboo surrounding sexual fetishes.
But regardless, certain acts and kinks are still carried out by a large number of British Asians.
We spoke to individuals who explained which fetish they’re into and why it’s so popular in these communities.
BDSM is a multifaceted fetish encompassing a variety of practices that involve power dynamics, control, and the exchange of pleasure.
British Asians engage in BDSM to explore dominant or submissive roles, often through activities like bondage, spanking, role-playing, and sensory deprivation.
The appeal lies in the intense emotional connection, heightened sensations, and the exploration of trust and vulnerability within a controlled and consensual environment.
Speaking to the public, Rajesh Kang* from Birmingham said:
“BDSM has become an art form for me, intertwining pleasure and power in ways I never imagined.
“It’s my personal sanctuary where I can explore the depths of my desires.”
Sanjay Singh* also expressed his love for BDSM:
“Within the realm of BDSM, I am the Master.
“The exchange of power and trust with a partner lights a fire that consumes us both.
“Still, the South Asian culture’s reluctance to discuss such matters keeps these passions confined to the shadows.”
The power dynamics and unconventional practices associated with BDSM are often considered taboo.
However these elements also add to why many British Asians love to explore the fetish.
Foot fetishism involves a strong sexual attraction to feet, including activities such as foot massages, foot worship, or incorporating feet into sexual encounters.
The sensory experience, shape, texture, and movement of feet can elicit intense arousal and pleasure for individuals with a foot fetish.
Speaking on why foot fetishes are so popular, Zahira Ahmed* revealed:
“Foot fetishes have always fascinated me.
“I find immense sensuality when someone is playing with my feet or have my toes in their mouth. I feel like it’s way more intimate than people think.”
Maya Patel* from Coventry added:
“I never originally liked feet play but have grown to love it with my husband. I think it’s a matter of if the man knows how to play with them.
“The way it makes you feel is so pleasurable, it’s like having an orgasm instantly. I would urge people to try it.”
The popularity of foot fetishes among British Asians can be attributed to various factors, including cultural exposure and the increased acceptance of diverse sexual preferences.
Role playing is a fetish that allows individuals to adopt different personas or scenarios during sexual encounters.
This fetish provides an avenue for British Asians to explore their fantasies and desires, often revolving around power dynamics, authority figures, or specific scenarios.
Couples can dress up as their other half’s secret fantasy. Women can dress up as nurses or teachers and men can don a fireman or army uniform.
Discussing this openly was Aisha*, who explained:
“Role playing is like a secret world where me and my partner can carry out our deepest desires.
“We often dress up or carry out scenarios to spice up our sex life and it keeps things fresh and new.
“It’s kind of like you forget everything else and can live an entirely new life for however long. The sex makes it that much more exciting.”
Arjun Jasi* also provided his opinion:
“My alter ego thrives when I’m role playing with people.”
“I can keep things daring and explore different fantasies that my partner is into but also can ask them to carry out certain things that I’m into.
“There’s a special feeling about trying something completely new during sex. Especially when you get really into it, it can be so dirty and feel so good.”
Role playing allows individuals to tap into their imagination and create a safe space to express their desires.
It can help enhance intimacy, communication, and trust between partners.
Exhibitionism involves gaining sexual pleasure from exposing one’s body or engaging in sexual acts in public or semi-public spaces.
British Asians who engage in exhibitionism find excitement and thrill in the possibility of being seen or watched during intimate moments.
This fetish can range from public nudity to engaging in sexual activities in discreet public locations.
Talking about this kink was Krish Mehar* who stated:
“The vulnerability of baring it all in public, the adrenaline coursing through my veins, it’s an intoxicating rush.”
Simran Kaur* also chimed in with her view:
“For me, exhibitionism is like an art of self-expression.
“Having people watch me or having that feeling of someone catching me turns me on. Of course, you have to be mindful, but going to nude-friendly places is a start.
“I think it pleases me because it’s a type of tease. Like you can look but can’t touch. But also that paranoia of being caught up is equally pleasurable.”
The appeal of exhibitionism lies in the adrenaline rush and the arousal associated with the risk of being caught or seen.
Voyeurism refers to the act of gaining sexual pleasure from observing others engaging in sexual activities.
British Asians with voyeuristic tendencies may fulfill their desires through various means, such as adult websites, adult theaters, or even watching others in intimate settings.
Couples may also take part in this fetish, as long as they are consenting.
There’s a certain factor of seeing your partner being pleasured by another person which fascinates some British Asians and allows them to climax.
Priya Rangi* explained this to us:
“Voyeurism is 100% passion.
“Me and my boyfriend take part in it all the time. I know it seems weird and a form of cheating but it’s not.
“Watching my partner enjoy another woman whilst I’m playing with myself is like a real-life porno. And then him pleasuring me after is so hot.
“You have to differentiate feelings from this type of kink though. We both know the difference between our sex and the sex we may have with other people.”
Likewise, Jugrag Gogar* gave his thoughts on this fetish:
“Witnessing the raw, unfiltered passion of others ignites my own desires.”
“People watch porn and think nothing of it but stuff like this gets a bad name. Getting pleasured whilst your partner watches is so sexy.
“I would say, I normally get my wife to engage with other women instead of men as it’s more comfortable for me.
“But she also finds it better which is the most important thing.”
Voyeurism provides a way to explore sexual fantasies without actively participating, and the act of watching others can be an arousing experience for individuals.
Whilst these sexual fetishes give us an insight into the sexual preferences of British Asians, it’s clear that discussions around these kinks remain taboo.
Breaking down the taboo requires fostering open and inclusive dialogue, promoting comprehensive sex education, and creating safe spaces.
By bridging the gap between cultural traditions and individual desires, we can foster healthier attitudes toward sexuality while respecting diverse cultural values and boundaries.