"Men in particular find it really sexy picturing their partner with someone else, or their partner watching."
Sex swinging is on the increase amongst Asians. It is not just prevalent in western culture and if you look carefully enough, there are a lot of Asian men and women out there wanting to explore. The movement is highly popular in India too.
You may feel apprehensive when asking another South Asian if they are into threesomes, foursomes, or anything more. With the conservative nature of South Asian culture, it all may feel a little wrong. But the reality is, people want to explore sexually and swinging is one way they are doing it.
What is Swinging?
Swinging is also known as ‘partner-swapping’. It’s where a monogamous relationship doesn’t appeal as much as being open to sex whilst in a committed relationship.
“Watching my partner make eye-contact with me when someone else is pleasing her, is highly erotic,” says *Deepak.
It may range from swapping sex partners, to group sex, in clubs or sex parties. Usually, those involved prefer to know the people they are engaging with and more often than not, they tend to become good friends outside the bedroom.
“We have made lifelong friends from wife swapping [swinging] parties. You become less aware of how taboo society says it is,” says *Manisha.
There has been a growth in online websites, forums and social media interaction for sex swinging dedicated to South Asians, especially, Indians.
What is so Appealing about Swinging?
Swingers enjoy the thrill of engaging in sex, or sexual activity, with different partners. Watching their partner gain sexual gratification from another person is more than pleasing to some.
The taboo side of swinging is enough to get most people going. For Asians, swinging is too taboo to mention.
The South Asian society boasts monogamous relationships within marriage – even in some cultures allowing men to have several wives – their sexual relationships are treated separately.
Why are more Asians exploring Swinging?
For those who were never into exploring a monogamous relationship, marriage is their worst nightmare.
*Deepak, 39, never really found himself remaining faithful or interested in long-term relations. He explained there came a time where he had to get married out of fear of upsetting his parents.
“I never found relationships to be my thing but, getting married was always going to happen.
“Swinging really saved me really. It allowed me to delve into the previous world I led. I will be honest and say I didn’t admit it to my wife to begin with.
But as time went on, I slowly introduced parts to her. Just little things, like kissing or touching, nothing she wasn’t comfortable with. We are into soft play, which keeps us both happy.
“I think she noticed the change in my mood and we are both happy now. Like I said, if she wasn’t happy with it, which she wasn’t to begin with, I wouldn’t have forced her.”
Swinging is a way to introduce a more ‘spiced up’ sex life. For married couples, sex can become very monotonous and in the modern age couples are more open to trying new things.
The Rules of Swinging
For those who are new to the activity, you may not know what you want from a swinging party. There are a lot of approaches couples take, depending on what they and their partner are comfortable with.
Swinging events are sometimes advertised on forums, where they are open for people to attend. Whereas some prefer to meet with one couple a time and rather to know them on a more personal level before delving into anything more serious.
You can choose to be a “soft swap couple” where you do all things fun apart from swapping partners for intercourse. Some couples dislike kissing as they feel it is more intimate, whereas “full swap couples” don’t mind going the whole way.
Some couples prefer to remain with their partner in same room play, and others are comfortable with their other half to go to another room for some privacy.
Why are Asians so Intrigued?
We spoke to some people who are currently into the swinging way of life.
“It’s easy for marriage to become mundane. I was unhappy and wanted to try something new as my wife wasn’t into sex anymore. I tried everything to spice up our life again but nothing really worked. None of the doctors helped,” says *Pratik.
“I eventually spoke to a close friend of mine that I am quite open to talking about sex with. He made a passing comment about threesomes and said how he and his partner were quite into it, but never tried.’
“After that one conversation, one thing led to another and eventually, after the several encounters I had with them, I sought after more. Look hard enough and you will find it.”
Intoxication helps; most people DESIblitz spoke to were drunk when they first delved into it, or when they first realised they wanted to go in that direction.
“I was at a friend’s party when being sexually active with more than your partner came into conversation,” says *Anil.
“We were all very drunk. A few men admitted how the thought of someone else being intimate with their wife was a huge turn on. And I agreed. I never admitted that to my wife, though. I keep it as a fantasy that I only delve into when online,” he adds.
According to psychologist Bruce Bartholow, alcohol is known to make you ‘care less’ and dulls the brain’s “alarm signal” that is set up to warn you when you could be making a mistake.
So for many who were intoxicated, the notion of swinging felt like it was a passing, unacceptable thought when in fact alcohol can’t make you think things, it just alters your awareness of them.
Therefore, the intrigue amongst some Asians is a driver for exploring swinging, since drinking habits have also changed within the Asian community with more and more women drinking openly too now.
How do Couples make Swinging work?
Most couples will say that their strong level of trust in their partner, is the reason to why they chose this lifestyle.
“Sex got a little boring for both of us and we both wanted to spice things up. We weren’t arranged into marriage so we have always been very open towards sex,” says 35-year-old *Layla.
“We discussed what we were comfortable with before we got into it. And a lot changed when we had our first experience. He wasn’t as comfortable with me being with women, surprisingly, as much as he expected.
Good communication and high levels of trust is key. Do not go into it if you are a quick to be jealous person.”
South Asians are not as enclosed as we think. Speaking to some non-Asian couples, we found that the swinging industry does not exclude a particular group of people.
“Asians are more open-minded than you think. It may be because they traditionally spent years being oppressed in regards to sex and are finally in a time where they can be open.
It could just be so ‘taboo’ it is extra enticing,” says *Kate.
“I’ve spoken with many Asians online about swinging in general or erotic- swinging talk. Men in particular, find it really sexy picturing their partner with someone else, or their partner watching. And obviously, as a fairly sexually open person, I understand!”
What happens when it doesn’t work?
There are several cases where swinging has ruined relationships and many would claim lack of communication is the reason. We spoke to 28-year-old *Rita:
“Bringing up the topic to my quite restrictive partner was a mistake. At first, they tried to understand and eventually got involved, a lot sooner than I expected. They got too jealous and blamed themselves for not being good enough. That obviously wasn’t the case, but they never saw it that way.
“It did ruin my relationship. But I think it would have eventually broken down if I had kept quiet.”
For some, it was more over-whelming and revealed parts they didn’t like. *Poonam, from India said:
“I got a bit too attached to same sex, which scared me, as I know the possibility of being gay, or bisexual could destroy my family and life. So I lay off it for a bit, and now keep the fantasy online.”
The Internet has been the lantern in the dark caves of sexual exploration. The use of a variety of chat sites and forums have helped promote the lifestyle and made it easier for people to go into.
Even apps, such as 3nder pronounced as ‘ Thrinder,’ allow couples to find partners into a kinkier sex life. The reliable Tinder app, is actually quite popular in India to help couples find their sex accomplices.
Some find it easier to keep their fantasy online as swinging parties were not the best experience:
“Some organise sex parties are messy. A lot of drug and alcohol is involved and it made me uncomfortable,” says *Layla.
It doesn’t come without danger though. “There are a lot of fake people online, so you have to be careful. It was simpler, in a way, when you would meet people at parties organised in hotels.”
From personal fun between couples to larger sex parties, the popularity of sex swinging amongst South Asians is destined to grow as more and more couples and individuals get more comfortable with what they want from their sex lives. But as always, caution is most important when it comes to trying something like swinging in a relationship, especially if jealousy and insecurity are aspects of your relationship you cannot control very well.