"I hated myself and did not like my good self."
Shama Sikander has opened up about suffering from depression and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She also revealed that her mental health struggles had led to attempt suicide in the past.
The actress explained that she was experiencing fatigue and having nightmares. She was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
She recalled: “I was sitting on the sets, feeling bored. I never felt bored and loved acting. I enjoyed it so much. Something you loved all your life is scary.
“For 3½ years, I was going for therapy. I was sleepy, groggy and thought was wasting my money in therapy.
“I saw nightmares, where I was stuck in a well shouting. I am calling my father and can’t hear me. I got up with pain within and it was just so deep and intense. I could not take it. I was crying for 6-7 hours. I did not understand.
“Doctors told me you have bipolar disorder and deep depression.”
In an interview, Shama said that those suffering from mental health issues should take medicines to ensure that the chemicals in the brain do not fluctuate.
She went on to say that she tried to take her own life in the past due to feeling worthless. Shama added that the chemicals in the brain can make everyone feel like that.
On the subject of depression, she said: “Depression is a state of feeling loveless. I hated myself and did not like my good self.
“I was tamed to be good and that compelled me to be good, whether it harmed or hurt me.
“I realised everybody on the planet is suffering today. We are all humans and suffering each other’s pain.
“It took thousands of years to know about depression or mental health.”
Shama Sikander explained that she has struggled for five years but now feels she has recovered. She believes that anyone can heal and advised those with suicidal tendencies to give themselves time and energy to heal.
She said: “If I can heal after 5 years of struggle, you can absolutely heal. Anybody can heal.
“You have to take your demons. You can’t look outside. You have to give yourself time and energy. People must go and take medicines.
“Your brain chemicals fluctuate and can make you feel worthless. Circumstances make you feel like that.”
“It is ok to give up but important to know when you bow down, you have that capacity to get up. You can heal. There is light after darkness.”
She concluded by saying that everyone has bad qualities in them but that is what makes us human, adding that if we do not accept it, we will start to feel stressed.
Shama is best known for her role as Pooja in the TV series Yeh Meri Life Hai.
She has always been vocal about particular subjects and in one case, opened up about a sexual harassment incident with a director.
Shama Sikander explained that a director put his hand on her thigh when she was just 14-years-old. It took a darker turn when the director told her that she would be exploited by another person in the industry.