Are South Asian Parents Rejecting Gender Identities?

In a world that is evolving at an unprecedented pace, discussions surrounding gender identity have become increasingly vital.

While the global dialogue on this subject is progressing, South Asian parents seem to be grappling with their own set of challenges associated with gender identity.

Unlike biological sex, which is assigned at birth, gender identity is an individual’s deeply felt sense of their gender.

The binary notion of male and female is expanding to encompass a spectrum that includes non-binary, genderqueer, genderfluid, and various other identities.

In recent years, the world has witnessed a significant shift in the way society perceives and acknowledges gender identity.

This transformation is fuelled by increased awareness, advocacy, and a growing recognition of the unique experiences of individuals beyond the conventional male-female binary.

However, it’s this evolution that has garnered judgement and neglect from South Asians.

Although many parts of South Asia, and the communities across the world, have accepted different gender identities, it is still met with rejection.

Many elders see this as a direct challenge towards ‘traditional’ ideas surrounding gender roles, relationships and life.

How prevalent is this issue and is there any movement of change?

South Asia & Gender

Despite the global momentum, many South Asian societies struggle with acknowledging and respecting diverse gender expressions.

However, one would argue that within South Asia, the Hijra community stands as a historical testament to the fluidity of gender identity.

Traditionally recognised as a ‘third gender’, Hijras have faced marginalisation despite their significance that dates back centuries.

The existence of the Hijra community sheds light on a long and complex relationship.

One of the reasons is down to the times of British colonialism as noted in an an anonymous post on Silk Club which read:

“The idea of ‘moral panic’ enraptured British rulers.

“It still pervades the social treatment of Hijras today, predictive of the treatment of gender nonconforming children within the American South Asian diaspora.

“The roots of discrimination and alienation of non-binary gender identities are a result of both imperialism and colonisation by the British.

“In addition to casteist ideas which continue to exist in Desi communities in South Asia and abroad.

“Today, the Hijra are still fighting for their lives in South Asia: the status of genderqueer individuals at large is unprotected.”

Despite exposure to more global perspectives and increased education for younger South Asians, the difficulties for those of different genders are poignant. 

Surabhi Pandey, a former Delhi Doordarshan presenter and journalist based in Singapore wrote for India Currents:

“For South Asian queer communities, recognising and affirming one’s gender identity is a brave and defiant act, as one may be ostracised and persecuted.

“There are still people who repress their identities for fear of retaliation and violence.

“It is still considered a stigma and taboo due to colonisation, societal norms, and patriarchal values.

“As such, being accepted is still a privilege only enjoyed by a few.”

“Affirming one’s gender identity has consequences. There is a tendency for families to disown their non-conforming kids.

“Dating may be difficult as one may encounter transphobia.

“When your identity isn’t accepted, it may cause mental health issues, which can be detrimental to one’s well-being.”

Whilst one cannot judge the elder generation for sticking with their beliefs, the certain disregard in even acknowledging gender identities is where the real problem lies.

But, more is being done to improve this narrative within mainstream media.

For example, Burnt Roti magazine featured trailblazing LGBTQ+ creatives on their cover in 2018 and more celebrities have revealed their own gender identities as part of this community.

South Asian Parents vs Gender Identity

Whilst it’s known that different gender identities are taboo in many South Asian families, we wanted to hear directly from them to see how true this was.

Are these parents changing their perspectives or are they rejecting any notion of gender being anything other than man and woman? 

The following individuals are all parents from a wide range of occupations and areas in the world. They provide valuable insights into the perceptions of gender identity from South Asians. 

Ananya Desai, a 42-year-old housewife from Mumbai said:

“Our family has a rich history and we’ve always adhered to the simplicity of two genders.

“These modern ideas are unsettling and I can’t see women marrying husbands who refer to themselves as ‘they’. 

“It doesn’t make sense.”

Dr Rajesh Verma*, a physician from Delhi explained:

“In my medical practice, I’ve seen enough to know that this talk about gender fluidity is just a phase.

“Our society doesn’t need these confusing labels; it only complicates things.

“That may be controversial due to my profession but it’s my personal view.”

Aryan Khan, a shop owner from Karachi told us: 

“I’ve built my business and family on traditional values.

“Life is man and woman, nothing else. This will wreck the future of our cultures. 

“We must resist these Western notions.”

Likewise, Sunita Reddy*, a 38-year-old teacher from Canada revealed: 

“As a teacher, I see firsthand the impact of stable, defined roles on children.

“The focus should be on instilling good values, not confusing them with unnecessary gender jargon.

“I also hate the idea that they will give children the freedom to choose their gender in schools soon. What is this?

“It will be a catastrophe and I worry we will lose the South Asian values of tradition, marriage, and roles.”

New father, Sanjay Patel from Colombo chimed in, stating: 

“These new identities seem unnecessary. We should embrace our cultural simplicity.

“I do understand if someone doesn’t feel comfortable in their skin. But it’s going over the top now.”

However, his wife, Meera Patel had a contrasting view: 

“Sri Lanka has a unique identity, and introducing new gender ideas will help us progress.

“Yes, we can have our traditions but it doesn’t mean new traditions can’t be made.”

Vikram Khan, a police officer from Lahore added: 

“We deal with issues and have sometimes have young citizens calling us about so-called hate crimes about this kind of stuff.

“This constant chatter is a distraction and we need to prioritise what truly matters.”

36-year-old Priya Kaur* gave us her view: 

“Our culture is built on the wisdom of our ancestors.

“These new terms are unfair and encourage non-traditional views that are created out of thin air. 

“Why should I be made out to be a bad person if I refer to a woman as a woman, even if she wants to be called something else?

“If she looks like a woman, has female organs, and speaks femininely, then how do I know the difference?”

Farida Ahmed* from Dhaka similarly agrees:

“My children are growing up in a society that is more inclusive and diverse, which is nice to see.

“But, having them see all these different genders, sexual identities, names, pronouns etc is confusing. 

“I accept people feel different but why should the rest of the world cater to that?

“If a man identifies as a woman, can he then use female toilets, showers, etc? Think about all the predators that can take advantage of this.”

“The rise of new genders threatens our communities. It’s important to resist these outside influences.”

Rohit Kapoor from Chennai had similar thoughts:

“Gender has always been straightforward in our family – male or female.

“My kids are young adults so are aware of how the media portray things.

“Gender identities are a social construct and a figment of someone’s imagination. How can you impose these things on impressionable people?”

“These new identities seem like an unnecessary deviation, seeking attention rather than adding value to our cultural fabric.”

Anika Patel*, also from Chennai explains:

“It’s disgusting. People are too afraid to say when something is out of order.”

“It’s a snowflake generation where everything has to be sugar-coated, otherwise you get cancelled.

“My son tells me all the time that I’d be cancelled if I spoke in public about my opinions. 

“I asked him what ‘cancelled’ was and he told me it’s when people shut you out of society and don’t follow you. 

“It sounded like a positive thing to me. If someone told me to call them a “they”, I’d laugh in their face.”

Furthermore, 36-year-old Ravi Menon, from London said: 

“I believe everyone can do what they want, but having different genders or pronouns is too confusing. Where do you draw the line?

“Anyone can identify as anything and the law or society has to bend the rules for them?

“What would this do for sports, jobs, schools?

“Does there now have to be non-binary bathrooms for children? Does ‘please refer to me as…’ have to be part of a greeting?

“Imagine me going to my cousin’s house, who has known me to be a man for over 30 years, and suddenly I said ‘no it’s Ravi, it’s Ravika, because I feel like a woman’. 

“It makes me laugh just thinking about it.”

There’s no denying that there is an overwhelming negativity towards gender identities from South Asian elders.

Of course, this does not represent the entire South Asian population, but it’s a good inclination to the perception of gender identities from South Asian parents. 

The Importance of Education and Awareness

Education emerges as a powerful tool in dismantling taboos surrounding gender identity, not just in South Asia, but globally.

Promoting and fostering open discussions can contribute to breaking down stereotypes.

As the world becomes increasingly interconnected, South Asia is not immune to global influences shaping perceptions of gender identity.

The visibility of LGBTQ+ celebrities, international movements, and the sharing of diverse narratives through digital platforms are gradually contributing to a more accepting environment.

A good starting place is for people to understand the basics of gender identities and pronouns. 

Gendered pronouns specifically denote an individual’s gender, such as he/him/his or she/her/hers.

Non-gendered or nonbinary pronouns, on the other hand, are not tied to a specific gender and are often preferred by individuals identifying outside the traditional gender binary.

A common set of nonbinary pronouns is they/them/their.

Other nonbinary pronouns include ze (pronounced “zee”) instead of she/he, and hir (pronounced “here”) in place of his/him/her.

It’s important to note that terms like “it” or “he-she” are considered offensive when referring to transgender and gender-nonconforming individuals and should be avoided.

This is a basic table of gender pronouns and a brief description (note: this is not an exhaustive list).

Pronoun Table via Springfield College

We’ve gone into more detail about gender terms and identities here. 

In navigating the complex intersection of gender identity and South Asian culture, it is essential to recognise the strides being made and the challenges that persist.

Breaking the taboos surrounding gender identity requires a multifaceted approach, involving education, cultural sensitivity, and open dialogue.

Whilst South Asian parents don’t shy away from their dismay towards this situation, the world won’t stop adapting towards different identities.

Likewise, there is an urgent need for safe spaces for those thinking about their own gender identity in the South Asian community.

If there is more diverse representation, the South Asian narrative could turn around gender identities.