How to Cope after a Breakup

Coping after a breakup is never the same for everyone. Each person going through it can encounter different emotions, feelings and challenges.

Some find it very hard to get over a relationship which has ended whereas others may find it is a relief after being in a relationship they no longer wanted to be part of.

It’s a desperately pitiful time of sorrow and illogical, uninvited change when what was once a happy bond has become a form of ‘bereavement’.

January 6th of a new year is often seen as the less-welcomed tradition of the UK’s self-titled ‘Blue Monday.’ On this day, the number of relationship breakups is apparently the highest that will happen in an entire year.

Not far away from Blue Monday lies Valentine’s Day, and if you have recently broken up with someone this can be a really tough time for you.

However, irrespective of certain days or milestones in a year, a breakup can happen at any time.

With technology playing an everyday role in lives, breakups can happen on the smartphone or even on social media. Ghosting and orbiting are dating terms that are part of this landscape.

It can often be either unexpected or there are signs in a relationship which are going to lead towards one. 

The person being broke-up with can often be viewed as a ‘victim’ whereas the person who does the breaking up as a kind of ‘perpetrator’. But this does not mean that the reasons for the breakup are so black and white.

Sometimes the person breaking up simply does not want to be in a relationship anymore and does not want to be pressured or forced to stay in one. 

Either way, the aftermath of a breakup needs attention and some kind of coping strategy.

Feeling Rejected

‘No’ is a simple word, but one which is difficult to swallow and accept when the word is meant to reject you.

A breakup can be a shattering reality which opens an uncertain hole in your once-promising future.

Plans and ambitions are ripped away and the comfort blanket is gone; you can be left feeling cold, empty and very vulnerable.

Day to day decisions had previously been supported with a safety net – the promise of a rosy future.

Someone who you considered to be your biggest fan and the driving force behind your aspirations and desires have left your world.

In the days, weeks, and sometimes months after the act of destruction, you will experience emotions which are so foreign and intense that a different universe seems to be surrounding you.  Minds can wander to thoughts which are unrecognisable. And unfathomable delusions can create a stifling, all-engulfing feeling of loss.

The path from shock to acceptance and eventually moving on is different for every person, but a note to always keep in mind is that it is perfectly possible to get back to a normal self and state of mind, and you will get to your desired destination, eventually. Your strength will return, as humans we have an inherent design to survive.

Dealing with rejection can be emotionally draining. Keep family and cherished friends close by, talk to these people who genuinely care for your happiness.

Surround yourself with positive people, in positive new places, keep busy and eat well. It’s common for a once effervescent character to quickly turn into a quiet, subdued introvert, shunning the possibility of enjoying life.

Asking for Help

It is okay to ask for help in dealing with these new emotions; sadness, anger, frustration, confusion and exhaustion are all bombarding you simultaneously, which will help you confront the truth.

A scary, fearful and uncertain future may seem like the only prospect on offer.

Your mental health can certainly be impacted by a breakup. Therefore, even getting professional help should never be seen as not an option, if you have no one else you can talk to about your feelings and state of mind.

Give yourself time to bounce back but don’t set a time limit. Who knows what will happen from one day to the next. The world keeps spinning and life goes on, routine and stability are crucial to regaining the usual you.

A supportive network may be difficult to find but throw all your energy into building one, this is a guaranteed way to see you through the darkness of feeling alone and rejected.

After the initial shock and realisation that the object of your desire has completely removed themselves from your life, the question may persist: “What will it take to get them back?”

Desperation to negotiate a bargain with your ex will hound you for a while; this is a normal and natural state of mind but needs the calming influence of your logic and sanity.

“Our actions and moods are an adverse reaction to trying to make the pain go away.”

Says Dr Heath, a psychiatrist who has many clients seeking his guidance after traumatic breakups.

Our brain is always toying with possible outcomes and solutions for our return to happiness, and many of these can be illogical and detrimental to our well-being.

Do not believe you are alone in these feelings of being lost and unloved; it simply proves that you are a regular human being, with real emotions, trying to navigate your way through the trials of everyday life.

Looking Forwards

When it is over, it is over and you have to learn how to adapt to your new lifestyle.

Psychologist Barry Lubetkin says: “The greatest problem people have in breakups is lack of closure—the need to fully understand what happened.”

Closure of a relationship breakup is important and the sooner you get it, the quicker it will free you to look forwards and start to grow again. 

One move which is important is to unfriend and block the other person on social media and remove the person’s contact information from your phone. This is enforcing a healthy boundary to help you heal correctly. 

Whichever way you deal with the loss of a relationship, take a step back and remember that you’ve loved once and therefore can love again. This new life can be a promising nudge in an exciting and even better direction.

The sun will begin to shine once more and the wisdom gained from this experience will make you more confident and competent in future relationships. 

These devastating circumstances can even have a positive impact on your personality as you become aware of your reactions, your boundaries and your strengths.

Getting to know yourself a little better in tough times can be a huge benefit to your confidence.

Remember that time heals all wounds, so use this experience as a road to greater and genuine happiness.

Therefore, coping with a breakup can never be an easy experience but it is one that eventually can be won over by believing in yourself as someone who matters like anyone else and is individual unlike anyone else.