"There was this other guy who sent me pictures of his nobbly bobbly."
Finding true love can be hard. Luckily for Desi girls, all they need to do is check their Instagram Direct Messages (DMs) to see an endless list of potential suitors.
However, the DMs of a Desi girl can be a scary place. It is a constant surprise. Will there be some abstract manhood artwork?
Or perhaps a ‘funny’ query into their lives, like if they will have an arranged marriage. How can a woman know if their admirer’s intentions are pure?
On the other hand, thousands of long-term relationships have blossomed from a simple like of one’s selfie, or a quick “hey beautiful.”
Sliding into somebody’s DMs is a scary task. Therefore, DESIblitz has created the ultimate guide to help those who are eager to slide into the DMs of a Desi girl.
The Modern Way of Finding Love
The traditional form of courting some would say is arguably outdated, as most men perhaps no longer send love letters and flowers.
Dating has not been helped by a global pandemic.
With lockdown life comes boredom, and a craving for a ‘lockdown bae’.
However, if a woman feels lonely, all she needs to do is upload a selfie to social media.
A lustful thirst will ignite in men across the globe. Where they will compete with one another on the battlefield, otherwise known as Instagram DMs.
Instagram has given women power. If she likes what she sees then this can be an opportunity for some casual sex, or potentially a relationship.
A decade ago, dating online and via social media was seen as uncommon and unsafe.
But now, this is a source for love, and some Desi women are hopeful that they might find a genuine connection.
Rejection isn’t Pretty
When sliding into someone’s DMs, it is vital to remember they have no obligation to reply.
It is not the end of the world if they do not respond.
They are not doing this out of spite as they might have a partner, or frankly do not wish to talk.
Almost every woman has experienced rejecting a male and he responds with the following:
- “You’re ugly anyway.”
- “I was only joking.”
- “You think you’re prestige.”
This should not be happening.
Of course, rejection can be difficult to receive, but that is no excuse for degrading abusive messages.
This is not attractive.
Women should be made to feel safe and secure in their own space. Rejection shouldn’t be something that is taken personally such that it requires a backlash.
How NOT to Message a Desi Girl
The first message to a woman will determine how the tone of the conversation will flow.
It is vital to remember when initiating a conversation is must be as respectful as possible.
The DMs can be a toxic cesspool of crude, inappropriate, dehumanising messages.
Given the frequency with which women receive unsolicited nude images (often called ‘dick pics’) and overtly sexual comments in their messages, it is unsurprising they are wary of answering men in their DMs.
Therefore, it is advised not to start a conversation with anything sexual.
Women see this as invasive, creepy and violating.
Even if the conversation begins to develop and become more flirtatious, this is no excuse to bombard a woman with unwanted nude pictures.
That kind of thing develops with trust, consent, and respect, all of which need to be earned and built.
Some women might find a typical, ironic pickup line funny and will respond. Others might find this cringe and boring. It all depends on the person.
However, certain pickup lines will never work on Desi girls.
Racial Pickup Lines:
- “You’re like rice and curry because I could eat you all day.”
- “Are you a terrorist because you blow me away.”
- “Dark chocolate, my favourite.”
Sexual Pickup Lines:
- “Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a large bone for you to examine.”
- “I was told you have a Vitamin D deficiency. Do you need my help with that?”
- “I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.”
Unfunny Political Pickup Lines:
- “Are your panties Indian? Because I’m looking for any excuse to visit.”
- “Why don’t UKIP at mine tonight? Because I want to be inside EU tonight.”
- “Good thing we’re not the UK. Because I would sure hate to Brexit your heart.”
Cringey Pickup Lines:
- “Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
- “Are you an Indian takeaway? Because I would order you now?”
- “Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.”
Do Women Find This Attractive?
Emma Millinchip, aged 20
Some of the messages Emma received:
“Btw if your legs ever fighting with each other let me know so I can go in between.”
“When I saw you on tinder, I wanted to marry you, you look like you taste of strawberries and unicorn dust.”
“I’m more likely to engage in a conversation that I find interesting or funny.”
She thinks that guys should reign it in from using over-the-top DMs.
Shauna Lidder, aged 21
“Shauna sometimes responds for a laugh. However, she realises that her replies can result “in more badgering from them.”
She shares her experiences:
“I’ve had the typical Asian men sliding into my DMs telling me that ‘I’m beautiful’ or they ‘want to be with me’.”
This is something Shauna learnt to deal with. DMs are handled promptly by Shauna:
“I tend to delete and ignore them because it is so much hassle.”
There’s a secret to getting Shauna to respond:
“If someone is trying to slide into a girl’s DMs, they need to know that being pushy about it isn’t the way to go.
“Maybe just a simple, ‘Hi, how are you?’ would get someone a lot further than dating pickup lines.”
It’s really that simple.
Subha Ali, aged 21
Subha can still recall her first memorable experience with someone sliding into her DMs.
Clearly, the man had some impact.
Subha explains what happened:
“The first time someone ‘slid’ into my DMs I was intrigued.
“This guy messaged me at night, and I was a bit confused.
“I opened it, and his opening line was, ‘Hey beautiful, mind sending me a picture of your feet?’
“I wanted to vomit honestly!”
Not quite sure how to respond to the foot fetish, Subha decided to ignore the DM.
But that wasn’t enough to deter the foot-hungry admirer:
“But then he kept messaging me so I blocked him.”
That wasn’t the last of Subha’s experiences. Unfortunately for Subha, another DM slid in:
“There was this other guy who sent me pictures of his nobbly bobbly.”
Despite the strange experiences, Subha remains open to meeting a partner off Instagram “especially in a global pandemic.”
She continues to be open-minded:
“I think Instagram DMs can be a mixture of everything!
“You can find the creeps, the desperate ones, the ‘mummy’s boy’ and also the normal ones!
“It’s a great place to interact and meet new people and has opened my eyes up to the world.”
Takeaway advice: foot fetishes shouldn’t be shared on the first DM.
Satinder Kaur Sohal, aged 24
In the world of online dating, Satinder can’t think of any other way to meet someone.
Though, there’s a common theme with the DM’s she receives.
Satinder opens up on her DMs:
“I have spoken to strangers on Instagram before, but they’ve always been after one thing, and it is always sexual.
“So now I do hesitate.
“The right way to message a girl is to be respectful.”
Jumping straight into sex doesn’t work for Satinder and most likely many Desi girls.
Despite the occasional horror story of events that can occur through Instagram, social media can also be an exciting, engaging place to socialise with people across the globe.
With many staying indoors because of lockdown, dating over DMs is even more popular.
Lockdown has encouraged people to become more open in terms of finding love online. Therefore, it is important to stay mindful and optimistic about finding a potential connection.
There might always be a sense of fear or hesitance when sliding into a stranger’s DMs, but thousands of couples have met over social media, and have never looked back.
DESIblitz speaks with Desi women across the UK on their successful DM love stories with their previous and current partners.
Maisha Rahman*, aged 20
Women have positive and negative experiences from guys sliding into their DMs.
Maisha shares how her boyfriend managed to get past her DMs:
“I have had a negative and positive experience from guys messaging me.
“And I was like ‘wow’.”
She says her boyfriend messaged “something we are both interested in it.”
She also dives into her creepy DM experiences:
“I went to a wedding once, and there was a boy our age that kept looking at me.
“Later that day, he found my Instagram and messaged me.”
The guy took it too far:
“He was saying how he knows who I am and that he would come to my uni.
“I didn’t even know the guy.
“It was creepy. He didn’t stop even when I told him I had a boyfriend.”
If a girl has a boyfriend, back off. The one who stole Maisha’s heart knew how to keep her attention from her DMs.
Jaspal Kaur*, aged 27
The transition from DMs to dating definitely can happen. Jaspal’s boyfriend romanced her.
She delves into how their relationship blossomed:
“He first messaged me through Instagram. We had one mutual friend.”
Jaspal didn’t know her future-boyfriend despite the mutual friend but still gave him a chance.
“We started to talk it was nothing serious or deep, just super casual. In December, we exchanged numbers and began texting!”
The texting soon moved onto Jaspal being asked out on a date which was on a special day:
“Valentine’s Day. He got me a rose, and it was super cute!”
It has been six years since Jaspal’s boyfriend DM’d her. Their love story has progressed far past Instagram.
“Jaspal is engaged to her boyfriend and they’re “about to move into our first home together!”
For Jaspal, her boyfriend got to her heart through romance. That special date on Valentine’s Day won’t be forgotten.
Kiran*, aged 21
Humour worked for Kiran. Her story is one of weaving in-and-out of DMs.
Kiran’s ex-boyfriend found his way into her DMs. She shares what happened:
“My ex slid into my DMs after finding me in the comment section of a meme I commented on and sent me a voice note.
“But he made me laugh and to be honest, funny guys for the win.”
Kiran’s ex-boyfriend had her hooked before disappearing. After his message, they didn’t “speak for about three or four months.”
Left pondering what happened, Kiran took action:
“I slid into his DMs, and I felt like such a boss. It was a success!”
DMs can be a back-and-forth between Desi girls and men. Both sides can take the lead.
Simran*, aged 19
Simran caught someone’s eye when she was grocery shopping. She didn’t expect him to find her online.
“I am currently dating a guy I met through Instagram, which sounds crazy.
“But he said he had seen me in Asda, and then messaged me asking if that was me.”
It all worked out for Simran and she’s now in a relationship with the guy who saw her grocery shopping.
For Simran, “it depends on the way guys message.” Interesting messages are welcomed.
Before sliding into someone’s DMs, it is necessary to show interest. Like one picture, but avoid liking old images to avoid looking creepy.
Humour is probably the best way to break the ice and avoid any awkwardness. Many will agree humour can win over any woman.
Therefore, being armed with hilarious opening messages will catch the attention of the woman.
Alongside, the humorous approach, asking questions, and commenting on shared passions shows kindness and attentiveness.
Of course, it is flattering when someone compliments another, but consistent and overtly friendly messages can make women feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.
Women appreciate compliments that aren’t just about their looks.
Complementing women on their attitudes, career choice, music taste, fashion sense, is something that is more appreciated than, “nice t*ts”.
Honesty is most definitely an important factor when initiating a conversation.
Being interested in only having sex is okay, as many women are only interested in that too. But that message must be clear and respectfully expressed.
Pretending to be interested in a relationship only for the benefit of sex is wrong and unacceptable.
If the conversation begins to flow well, with a flirtatious and playful tone, the next step should be to take things out of the DMs.
Love can and will blossom from a respectful, funny, and light-hearted message. Using the pickup line, “You’re the tikka to my chicken” will most definitely not appeal to a Desi girl.
Desi girls are well aware of how “exotic” they are, so using alternative messages will result in a spark or a connection of some sort.
When admiring someone over Instagram, it easy to fantasise about potentially meeting them in person instead.
However, with the current climate, this might be impossible.
It might seem like a black hole of rejection, nude pictures, unfunny pickup lines, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and a chance of true love.
There are plenty of DM success stories. From the people who began dating their online crushes to those complemented by a stranger and ended up falling madly in love, sliding into the DMs can work.