"Our first night always reminds us of a very special time together"
The first night of an arranged marriage is seen as a very curious time by many who are about to be married in this way or simply want to know what happens in these first night stories.
Arranged marriage has taken place in South Asia for centuries from the days of the rajas and emperors to this very day. It is the traditional way to people are set in the union of marriage for a life together, although love marriages where two people know each other prior to marriage are also becoming part of South Asian society.
However, the most explored aspect of an arranged marriage is the first night together or suhagraat as it is known.
Especially, for two people who are complete strangers, never shared sexual intimacy and who may be virgins too.
Arranged marriage and the first night of sex is of huge interest in terms of experiences, both good and bad, and stories which can help others who are very anxious about this intimate time.
We have collated 10 experiences of the first night stories of an arranged marriage and share with you the experiences of these newly wedded couples on their first night together in marriage.
Meena and Harish Anand
Both Meena and Harish had their marriage arranged in India by their parents. They were not allowed to contact each other after the engagement.
So, the first time they were together was on the wedding day. After a long day of ceremonies, night came and their first night together was ahead of them.
For both of them, it was the first time they were together with the opposite sex.
Their bedroom was decorated nicely and they both entered. They were both very nervous and very anxious.
“We both sat on the bed, and after a while, he touched my shoulder. I got scared but he calmed me by saying he was happy we got married,” says Meena.
Conversation slowly started and both began to feel at ease.
“At first I was not sure of what to say or do. But as time went on we began to talk slowly and share things that took place in the day and about each other,” says Harish.
This ended up in laughter and progressed to them into lying together on the bed. Harish put his arms around Meena as she lay her head on his chest.
“I felt on top of the world finally holding and caressing my wife closely.”
The experience invited them to feel more comfortable and to accept each other.
“I felt safe and I began to feel I could let him get closer to me. At which point he moved over and kissed me, which felt like an electric current on my lips. I was shaking but in a nice way. I moved away feeling very shy.”
Harish slowly continued helping Meena feel he was in no hurry, as he was experiencing and sharing everything with her for the first time too.
Their intimacy slowly developed naturally into the night until they were sharing each other’s bodily comforts under the sheets.
“I had never been near a woman before and feeling Meena around me naked resulted in arousal I had never experienced and she felt the same. Leading us both to proceed to consummate our marriage with our first sexual encounter.”
“I found it very difficult and painful to start with but I was helped by Harish who did not want to rush anything. This made me more comfortable to let him lead,” says Meena.
“I feel that your first night is very individual and you should only do what feels good for both of you. We both certainly enjoyed our first time and we know it is just the start!” says a jubilant Harish.
After experiencing their first sexual intimacy, both Harish and Meena realised that it would only get better as their appreciation, love and affection for each other would grow in their arranged marriage.
Kulvir and Surinder Sandhu
After such a long and busy day from a loud, colourful and wonderful Punjabi wedding Kulivr and her husband Surinder made their way to their wedding night suite, especially booked for them by close friends.
Kulvir got to know Surinder during a courtship of about 9 months after having their marriage arranged by family. They were both from different cities in the UK.
So, they knew each other as well as they could but had vowed to spend their first night together on their wedding night.
The suite was beautiful with a large decorated bed, furniture and had complimentary fruit, champagne and chocolate gifts.
“The room was amazing and we were both feeling pretty tired but wanted to make this night very special,” says Kulvir.
“We were alone for the first time in a bedroom and I have to admit I did feel some anxiety as it was our wedding night,” says Surinder
Kulvir showered and changed into sexy lingerie she had specially bought for their first night. Surinder freshened up too and changed.
They both spent time cuddling, laughing and chatting, whilst enjoying drinks. The champagne eased their nerves which led them into exchanging kisses.
“Kissing her felt so amazing and alluring like I had not felt before. She tasted delicious!” says Surinder.
Kulvir who had never been in an intimate relationship before enjoyed the attention from Surinder which engaged them into more sexual foreplay.
“I felt nervous as he explored my body for the first time. As women do, I did think I hope he likes what he is discovering of me. As I was never happy with my body,” recalls Kulvir.
“Kuls is now my wife and I never understood why she said she wasn’t sexy enough. As I became more physical with her, all I can say is she is the sexiest woman on earth!” exclaims Surinder
The two of them delved into their first night of sexual discovery and experienced each other physically. Their first night left an impression on them both.
“I always thought the first night would be a horrible experience and would be over quickly. But in our case, all I can say is – it was wonderful, adventurous and exciting.”
“Our first night always reminds us of a very special time together where our sexual energy met with our desire for each other.”
Surinder and Kulvir went on to build a very healthy and successful marriage bonded by strong intimacy as a reminder of their first night!
Shahid and Anam Ahmed
The celebrations of their arranged marriage were tiring and full of attention. So, to be finally alone on their first night, Shahid and Anam felt free from the crowd and spotlight.
Their room was gorgeously decorated and the dim lights and rose petals on the bed awaited their company.
Anam felt fearful of what was expected of her. As she sternly believed that her marital union was going to be the only time she committed herself to a man and was a virgin.
Shahid, however, had been in past relationships which never led to marriage. So, this time it was the real deal for him.
Shahid approached Anam calmly as she sat on the bed and told her how beautiful she looked. Anam smiled and looked down.
Slowly, they both eased into a conversation. She told Shahid how and what she felt:
“I told him I was very nervous and felt strange and that I’ve never spent time like this with any man. So, I did not know what to say or do. He was very understanding.”
Shahid told her that he did not expect anything from her and that sexual intimacy was something that should take place naturally between them. Without any pressure.
This relieved Anam a lot and led to her opening up to him as they chatted. Shahid embraced her and held her close.
“As we talked more I felt more safe and secure with him. He kissed my forehead a few times and we cuddled and felt closer.”
“Despite my past, being married felt completely different. So, I wanted it to be special and told Anam that we have our life ahead to be sexually intimate and our first night should not be marred by if it happens or not.”
As they laughed and chatted into the night getting to know each other, both of them were so relaxed that they eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, they both woke up smiling at each other and realised that their first night was just as special without any sexual exchange, which was the reason for their anxiety to meet expectations.
“My first experience of sex was not on the first night but some time later.”
“It was made special by a very understanding, considerate and affectionate husband. I feel very lucky to be with such a wonderful man.”
Both of them went onto enjoy a married life with love, sex and intimacy which got better with time and communication.
Siddharth and Monica Sharma
Siddharth Sharma who was Indian born lived and worked in America as an engineer. He had very little contact with India.
His parents insisted on him having a wife from India. So, they arranged his marriage with Monica, the daughter of a family friend. She was an IT programmer and lived at home.
Siddharth met Monica with the families and they both agreed.
They were not allowed to meet or communicate before the wedding because Monica’s father was very orthodox in his views.
The wedding took place in India and was a typical affair with lots of people, food and colourful celebrations.
Their first night together was in a hotel suite nicely decorated for the occasion.
Once in the room, Siddharth did most of the talking whilst Monica replied with short answers.
He asked her if she had been in past relationships. To which she replied a firm “No, never.” This was the exact opposite to Siddharth who revealed he did date women in the past.
This increased the anxiety and worry in Monica being a virgin.
“I wondered if my inexperience would be a problem. Since he had been with women before,” says Monica.
When Siddharth tried to get close, she found it difficult to respond, not knowing what to do.
“It felt strange being with a woman who did not respond to my advances. Knowing that she was now my wife made it even more awkward. It became clear how culturally different we were,” says Siddharth.
As the night went on, Siddharth did feel immense frustration. Monica was reluctant to respond and felt very apprehensive and scared.
“I simply did not know how to react or what to do. So, I did not want Siddharth to force me to do anything.”
So, he decided to stop trying and realised that physical intimacy needs time between them. He lied with her on the bed and they talked a little until they fell asleep.
Siddharth went back to the US and eventually, Monica joined him there, which was when and where they really had their true first night together.
“We had been skyping and chatting every day before I went to America. This allowed us to develop our relationship. Being with him in America felt so different and special, and more importantly, I was ready for him,” says Monica.
Monica and Siddharth had to give their relationship time to develop. A factor which is important in an arranged marriage.
Labiba and Mithun Chatterjee
A Bangladeshi wedding involves many rituals and traditions and for Labiba and Mithun, not being familiar with many of them, their wedding day was very exhausting and tense.
Mithun met Labiba at family functions but they never got chance to speak much. Labiba says:
“I always liked Mithun when I would see him at family gatherings so, when they asked me about marrying him, I said yes. He is funny and loves to joke around.”
So, now they were finally alone for the first night of their arranged marriage.
Their room had been decorated as per tradition with the bed having colourful garlands and flowers. There drinks and snacks prepared and left for them.
Both Labiba and Mithun had been in relationships in the past and were not virgins. But they were still very wary and anxious about being sexually intimate. For this was very different to their past experiences – they were husband and wife.
Mithun opened a bottle and began to pour a drink, he asked Labiba if she wanted one, to which she agreed. This helped start the conversation between them.
They began to talk and relive moments of the wedding and laughed at things that took place.
They both felt pretty relaxed in the conversation and acknowledged that sexual intimacy would follow. Since it was not first time sex for them but the first time of sex in their marriage.
Soon after, Mithun moved up to Labiba and started to kiss her. Labiba accepted his advance and began to respond to the intimacy. Sensual foreplay commenced between the two.
“I could not resist her. I felt so right and as our lips met, we could not stop kissing which slowly led to more exploring. We began to undress and were touching each other with strong emotions, pleasure and desire.”
“The intensity of our attraction erupted into us wanting each other fully in a sexual union. Our passion ignited and physically we felt so very comfortable to have sex.”
Their first sexual rendezvous kindled a new beginning for them as a newly married couple, free to enjoy and please each other.
Labiba freely gave herself to her husband on their first night together. Mithun had turned her into a woman.
Thinking about her first night Labiba says:
“No one can tell you what or how you will feel after your first time.”
“For me, it triggered the start of love, affection and desire I never knew existed.”
“We didn’t get much sleep! Because our first night became a special one to always remember.”
“After such an exciting first night, the next day was tough, due to more rituals and customs!”
The first night for Mithun and Labiba was the start of a sexual bond between them which developed and got stronger with time as their marriage blossomed.
Nitin and Shruti Patel
Nitin and Shruti Patel had a traditional Gujarati wedding with all the trimmings and no expenses spared. It was a lavish, big and fat Indian wedding in the UK.
The marriage had been arranged by the fathers who knew each other for many years and both families wanted the best.
Nitin was a computer professional and worked globally and Shruti did not study but helped with the family business. So, they were two very different people in many ways.
However, Shruti had been in a relationship which didn’t work out because of caste differences. Nitin too had dated but nothing serious enough for marriage, besides he wanted to follows his family’s wishes for an arranged marriage.
They got to know each other in varied conversations on the phone and met a few times for coffee. Both were happy and eager to marry.
Their first night was going to be on their honeymoon in New York for which they left soon after the wedding.
They arrived in their five-star suite, a glorious room with two amazing bathrooms and interiors. Both of them were very tired but on a high.
Shruti was totally smitten by what she saw and was excited at all the little things in the room.
Before going to shower, Nitin left a boxed gift for Shruti on the table, saying ‘For my lovely wife, Shruti x’.
She opened the gift to find a very sexy silky black baby-doll chemise with a matching thong. She had never worn any sexy lingerie before so it made her nervous but excited at the same time.
She smiled and took it into the other bathroom and commenced to get ready for him.
Nitin was relaxed on the bed when she came out wearing the gift. He sat up in awe and looked at every inch of her. She looked stunningly sexy.
“I had never seen her like this before and was totally taken in by her how incredible she looked,” says Nitin.
“I felt shy and nervous as I wore the gift but when I saw his reaction it really pleased me. He took my mehndi hand and led me onto the bed like a prince charming!” says Shruti.
Nitin started kissing Shruti on her neck and shoulders as he embraced her on the bed and commenced kissing her all over. She felt things like never before despite having sex in the past, as her body experienced his touch and kisses.
“I was shaking with excitement and delight. I felt goosebumps and feelings of a strong loving attraction. It was like a kaleidoscope of sexual colours all around me,” says Shruti.
As they intertwined in physical pleasure, both of them felt at ease with each other sexually and proceeded to consummate their marriage, using protection.
“Our first sexual union was made easier perhaps because we had been in past relationships. We both did not feel awkward but more eager, to be honest!” says Nitin.
“Being husband and wife added a very different feeling to my first sexual experience with Nitin, compared to my past relationship.”
As the marriage of Nitin and Shruti developed so did their love and need for each other as husband and wife, and as lovers.
Rakesh and Dipti Panday
Rakesh and Dipti Panday had an arranged marriage which took place in Bihar, India.
Both of them had not experienced any relationships prior to marriage and were very much into their studies and did as told by family, no questions asked.
Their marriage was a simple affair and they were booked a room at a hotel for their first night together as a married couple.
Rakesh was not very confident and always felt he had to prove himself in anything he did. His friends mocked him and told him he needs to be ‘a man’ on his wedding night. So, the pressure of the first night’s sex heavily affected his mind.
Dipti was always told that she must be a dutiful wife to her husband when she gets married and to do as told. Some of her aunt’s told her to let the man do as he wants. This made her fearful and scared. Not knowing what to expect.
As they entered their room, Dipti followed Rakesh. She felt very shy and nervous. He was also feeling anxious but did not show it.
As she sat on the side of the bed, Rakesh sat next to her. They both sat very silently. Not knowing what to say or do.
After some time, Rakesh put his arm around Dipti and made her lie down on the bed. He then tried to kiss her a few times. She felt awkward and moved her face away every time.
“My heart was racing and I was very scared of him. I did not know what was going to happen to me. I did not want to be there.”
Rakesh persisted and finally, they fumbled as they kissed and embraced. She kept on resisting and stopping him but then gave in to him.
“Not being so experienced, I just did what felt right as the man and wanted Dipti to let go of her inhibitions,” says Rakesh.
Rakesh then began to undress Dipti, in haste and with a struggle. Still feeling very shy, she eventually let him. He undressed too and went onto consummate their marriage with hurried and fumbled intercourse.
“It hurt a lot and I felt a lot of pain. But this was the start of our married life as husband and wife and I felt I had no reason to stop him or say no,” says Dipti.
Rakesh fell asleep after their sexual interaction and Dipti, lay on her side still trying to process her first sexual experience.
For Rakesh and Dipti, the first night of their arranged marriage resembled the same that many experiences in India who have very little or no sex education or support to help them understand the needs of each other.
Farhan and Salma Saeed
After finishing his degree, UK born Farhan Saeed had been working for a few years in Optics. His parents then suggested he get married.
Being loyal to his Pakistani culture and roots, Shahid never dated. So, his parents were happy to arrange his marriage with Salma back home, the daughter of a distant cousin.
“I saw a photo and was told that I must make my decision quickly as my aunt was waiting in Pakistan. So, I said yes.”
After a few months, Farhan flew over to meet Salma, in Karachi.
It was the most awkward date for them both but they conversed for over 3 hours at a dinner about their likes, dislikes and found common ground in many areas of life.
Strangely, when they met, she did tell Farhan that she was very open-minded about sexual talk and was excited to chat to him about their future intimacy.
They got engaged and after two months they started to gradually share innuendo texts, intimate photos and videos, which then led to sexting between them.
“I always wanted to be with a husband I could express myself openly with. I feel a woman has as much right as a man to share intimate feelings.”
From the messages, Shahid was pretty clear she did not know much about sex since they were both virgins.
Then they got married 6 months later and with all the build-up from the intimate communications they had, the wedding night was not very awkward.
They were very much ready for each other, however, with both of them not having any experience, the act was awkward for them.
“Our sexting and constant sexual chats really revved us up for our first night. But when you are physical for real, it’s not the same as ending a call on your phone screen!”
After their first night, Farhan and Salma began to learn more about each other in reality and developed their emotional and physical relationship as their marriage flourished with more closeness.
Manveer and Harpreet Mann
Living in Sacramento, California in the US, Manveer was brought up like most Desi kids with a mix of brown and American culture.
He studied and became a graphic designer creating adverts for PR campaigns and worked in San Jose.
He also began dating non-Desi girls and living his bachelor life.
By the time he was 25, his father fell badly ill and his father wished that he marry a girl from India, his brother has found for him.
“I was not at all happy but for my father’s sake, I agreed to visit India to meet this girl, called Harpreet,” says Manveer.
Feeling extremely anxious and uncertain about the whole thing, he arrived in India. His uncle took him to his house, a large villa in Jalandhar city, in Punjab.
The next day he met Harpreet, at her house for a traditional marital meeting. Upon seeing her, he gasped at how pretty she was and how stunning she looked in a sari.
“I was speechless, she was the most beautiful woman I had seen. I never knew Indian women could be so gorgeous, even in a sari!” says Manveer.
After conversing with each other, Manveer loved Harpreet’s sense of humour. She asked him if he had dated American girls, to which he replied yes. She told him she had decided to keep herself for her husband but had no problem with his past.
They both agreed to marry and Manveer was very besotted with Harpreet even after one meeting.
The wedding took place a week later and it was a big affair. It ended after 1 am and both of them went to their specially decorated room.
Harpreet nervously sat on the bed and Manveer sat on the other side, thinking about how to proceed with their first night.
He decided to get up and shower, leaving his door ajar, hoping his wife would see him. But nothing happened.
He then came out in a towel and called her. She quickly got up and went into the bathroom, and locked the door.
Manveer then sat on the bed for a long time. Until eventually, Harpreet came out.
“I waited patiently and after her long shower, she came out wearing floral pyjamas. Not exactly the sexy lingerie I expected!”
Then Harpreet switched off the light and lay next to Manveer. There was silence in the room until Manveer approached her by touching her and kissing her in the dark. She kissed him back
“My heart was pounding in the dark. I had never ever been close to a man like this before.”
“When he kissed me, I was lost for a while but then just tried to copy him and did it back.”
Says Harpreet giggling.
The night continued with them embracing, kissing and fumbling around on the bed.
Harpreet had got very excited by the closeness between her and Manveer but when they tried to have sex, it wasn’t really easy due Harpreet’s reactions whenever Manveer tried.
So, instead of forcing the situation, Manveer did many other sexual things to help Harpreet learn more about physical intimacy. After which they fell asleep contently.
“He was very caring. He never forced anything and taught me lots of other ways to enjoy our sexual time which I never knew about!”
It was not until two weeks later they both fully indulged in marital sex.
Manveer feels so happy to be with someone who wants him to teach her everything about such pleasures, increasing their bond in their marriage.
Harpreet went to live in the US eventually, where the couple is enjoying married life.
Vishal and Trishna Reddy
Marital websites and apps are one of the most popular ways of finding matches for a marriage nowadays.
Trishna lived in the UK and always had a thing to marry a guy from India. She came across Vishal Reddy’s profile on a popular site. She made contact and they started to chat on WhatsApp and got to know each other pretty well.
After a month, she told her parents and they made contact with his family. The marriage was ‘arranged’ and then took place in the UK. Vishal, his family, friends and relatives came to the ceremony.
Trishna was totally happy to have become Mrs Reddy and Vishal over the moon. After a very upbeat and spectacular wedding day arrived their first night together. They were given a present to stay at a 5-star hotel in London.
Despite knowing Trishna via their many communications prior to marriage, Vishal did feel anxious as he was not sure what Trishna expected of him on their first night.
Their room was lavish and they both went onto the balcony with a great view of the city. As they stood close to each other, excitement mixed with nerves overtook them, which eventually led to Vishal embracing and kissing Trishna. She willingly responded.
“I had waiting for this moment for so long and it felt incredible to be kissed by Vishal.”
Eventually, they came into the room and descended onto the bed. Sensual exchanges, kissing, touching and exploring between the pair led to more physical closeness.
Trishna began to take the lead and began to undress Vishal who whilst surprised was feeling ecstatic.
“I felt a little strange that Trishna was advancing on me but it blew my mind and I was loving every minute,” says Vishal.
“I’m not one of those women who is shy and hides her desires. So, on my first night, it was the perfect time to show Vishal, what I like too!” says Trishna.
Vishal undressed Trishna too, and eventually, both of them were physically engaged in sexual union, celebrating their first night together.
“Our first night together is always remembered and we cherish it as the start of our happy marriage. Thanks to the internet we found each other!” says Vishal.
As you can see the first night of an arranged marriage, is never the same for everyone. All of the couples had varied experiences of their first night together.
Each couple’s experiences are different and unique in many ways, depending on their upbringing, sexual knowledge and even where they live.
So, no one having an arranged marriage should feel obliged to do anything they are not ready for.
Communicating with each other and respecting each other is the best way start to your first night of an arranged marriage. Then let the rest, happen as and when it will, without expectations.