10 Tips to Get Along with Your Mother-in-Law

Navigating the relationship with your mother-in-law can often feel like walking a tightrope.

In many South Asian households, the bond between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law is a crucial one, often laden with cultural and traditional expectations.

This relationship can be a source of great joy and companionship, but it can also be a breeding ground for conflict and tension.

As a daughter-in-law in a Desi household, you may find yourself caught between your husband and your mother-in-law, trying to balance respect for family norms with the need to establish your boundaries.

The dynamics can be even more complex when you’re integrating into a second family, where the rules and expectations might be vastly different from what you’re used to.

But fear not! Whether you’re newly married or have been part of your second family for years, there are ways to improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.

DESIblitz will provide you with 10 practical tips to get along with your mother-in-law, reduce arguments, and foster a harmonious bond in your household.

Understand Cultural Norms

South Asian households are often steeped in rich cultural traditions and norms that have been passed down through generations.

These customs can shape the dynamics of family relationships, particularly the relationship with your mother-in-law.

Understanding and respecting these traditions can be key to fostering a harmonious relationship.

However, it’s equally important to remember that open dialogue about these norms is not only acceptable but can also be beneficial if certain traditions make you uncomfortable.

The first step in navigating your relationship with your South Asian mother-in-law is to gain a deep understanding of the cultural norms and traditions that are integral to her lifestyle.

This could involve anything from specific rituals and ceremonies to expectations around roles within the household, to norms around communication and respect.

By understanding these traditions, you can better appreciate where your mother-in-law is coming from and why certain behaviours or expectations might be important to her.

Once you’ve gained an understanding of these cultural norms, it’s crucial to show respect for them.

This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to adopt all these traditions yourself, but acknowledging their importance to your mother-in-law and the broader family can go a long way in building a positive relationship.

This respect can be shown in simple ways, such as participating in family rituals, showing interest in learning about the traditions or being mindful of cultural norms around communication and behaviour.

While respect for cultural norms is important, it’s equally crucial to remember that it’s okay to have conversations about these traditions, especially if they make you uncomfortable.

Open dialogue can help to bridge any cultural gaps and can lead to mutual understanding.

Approach these conversations with sensitivity and respect, expressing your feelings honestly but also listening to your mother-in-law’s perspective.

This can help to create a balance between maintaining cultural traditions and ensuring your comfort and well-being within the family.

Communicate Openly

In the realm of relationships, issues and disagreements are inevitable.

However, the way we handle these situations can significantly impact the relationship’s health and longevity.

Direct communication is a powerful tool in this regard.

It involves expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly, yet tactfully, without beating around the bush.

This approach can help to clear up any confusion and ensure that both parties understand each other’s perspectives.

While direct communication is crucial, it’s equally important to approach these conversations with respect.

This means being mindful of your tone, language, and body language, and ensuring that your words reflect consideration for the other person’s feelings.

It’s about striking a balance between expressing your viewpoint and respecting the other person’s perspective.

This approach can foster a safe space for open dialogue, where both parties feel heard and valued.

Avoiding conflict might seem like an easy way to maintain peace in the short term, but it can lead to long-term problems.

Unaddressed issues can breed resentment, leading to a build-up of negative emotions.

Over time, this can create a chasm of misunderstandings, causing the relationship to suffer.

Moreover, conflict avoidance can prevent growth, as it’s often through addressing and resolving conflicts that we learn, evolve, and strengthen our relationships.

Set Boundaries

Respecting your mother-in-law is a fundamental aspect of maintaining a healthy family dynamic.

However, it’s equally crucial to establish clear boundaries to ensure your needs and limits are understood and respected.

This proactive approach can help prevent future conflicts and foster a more harmonious relationship.

Boundaries serve as guidelines for acceptable behaviour, helping to define the relationship between you and your mother-in-law.

They are essential in maintaining your individuality and personal space, while also promoting mutual respect and understanding.

By setting boundaries, you can ensure that your needs and limits are acknowledged, which can significantly reduce the potential for misunderstandings or conflicts.

Effective communication is the cornerstone of setting boundaries.

It’s important to express your needs and limits clearly and assertively to your mother-in-law.

This could involve discussing your preferences regarding visits, involvement in decision-making, or expectations around roles and responsibilities.

Remember, it’s not about creating a divide, but rather about fostering a relationship where both parties feel comfortable and respected.

Establishing boundaries can play a pivotal role in preventing future conflicts.

When boundaries are clear, there’s less room for assumptions or misunderstandings that can lead to disagreements.

It also encourages a culture of open dialogue, where issues can be discussed and resolved respectfully.

This can contribute to a more peaceful and harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law.

Show Respect

In South Asian culture, respect for elders is not just a social norm, but a deeply ingrained value that shapes interpersonal relationships.

This is particularly evident in the relationship with your mother-in-law, where simple gestures of respect can significantly strengthen the bond.

By actively listening when she speaks or seeking her advice, you can foster a relationship built on mutual respect and understanding.

Respect for elders is a cornerstone of South Asian culture, reflecting the region’s emphasis on family hierarchy and wisdom that comes with age.

This cultural norm is often manifested in the relationship with one’s mother-in-law.

By showing her respect, you’re not only adhering to cultural expectations but also acknowledging her experience and wisdom.

One of the simplest yet most impactful ways to show respect to your mother-in-law is by actively listening when she speaks.

This involves more than just hearing her words.

It’s about showing genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings and responding in a way that validates her perspective.

This can convey a deep sense of respect and appreciation for her, strengthening your relationship.

Another powerful way to show respect to your mother-in-law is by seeking her advice.

This can be particularly effective when it comes to matters she has more experience in, such as cooking traditional dishes, raising children, or maintaining a household.

By asking for her advice, you’re not only benefiting from her wisdom but also showing her that you value her knowledge and experience.

This can foster a sense of trust and mutual respect, which is key to a strong relationship.

Find Common Ground

Creating a positive and harmonious relationship with your mother-in-law can often be a delicate dance.

One effective strategy to foster this bond is to discover activities or interests that you both enjoy.

Engaging in these shared pursuits can provide common ground, promote mutual understanding, and create enjoyable memories, all of which can contribute to a stronger relationship.

The first step in this journey is to identify shared interests or activities.

These could range from hobbies like gardening, cooking, or reading, to shared passions for art, music, or travel.

You could also consider activities that promote wellness and relaxation, such as yoga, meditation, or walking.

The key is to find something that you both genuinely enjoy and can engage in together.

Once you’ve identified these shared interests, the next step is to incorporate them into your interactions with your mother-in-law.

This could involve planning regular activities around these interests, such as cooking a meal together, attending a yoga class, or planning a garden.

These shared experiences can provide opportunities for meaningful conversations, mutual learning, and the creation of shared memories.

Engaging in shared activities is not just about having fun together.

It’s also about showing your mother-in-law that you value her interests and are willing to invest time and effort into building a relationship with her.

This can help to foster mutual respect and understanding, which are key to a positive relationship.

While finding shared interests is important, it’s equally crucial to acknowledge and respect differences.

You and your mother-in-law may not see eye-to-eye on everything, and that’s okay.

The goal is not to eliminate differences, but to create a relationship that can accommodate these differences while also celebrating shared interests.

Be Patient

Building a relationship, especially with a significant family member like your mother-in-law, is a journey that requires time, patience, and understanding.

It’s about giving each other the space to adjust and adapt, fostering a relationship that is not only respectful but also warm and nurturing.

Patience is a virtue, especially when it comes to building relationships.

It’s about understanding that people, including your mother-in-law, may need time to adjust to new dynamics.

This could involve getting used to your presence, your habits, or even your way of thinking.

By being patient, you’re allowing the relationship to develop naturally, without rushing or forcing a connection.

Understanding your mother-in-law is a crucial aspect of this process.

This involves recognising her background, her values, and her expectations.

It’s about appreciating her perspective and acknowledging that she too may be navigating this new relationship.

By doing so, you can foster empathy, which can be a powerful tool in building a strong relationship.

Just as you need time to adjust to your mother-in-law, she too needs time to adjust to you.

This could involve understanding your personality, your lifestyle, or your relationship with her child.

Giving her this time can show respect for her feelings and can help to create a more comfortable and accepting environment.

Support Your Spouse

The relationship you share with your mother-in-law can significantly influence your relationship with your spouse.

It’s a unique bond that, when nurtured positively, can contribute to a harmonious marital life.

Supporting each other and collaboratively navigating through any challenges that arise can pave the way for a stronger, more resilient relationship.

The dynamics between you, your spouse, and your mother-in-law are interconnected.

The quality of your relationship with your mother-in-law can directly impact your marital relationship.

If there’s harmony and understanding with your mother-in-law, it can foster a more peaceful and supportive environment, which can, in turn, strengthen your bond with your spouse.

Supporting each other is a crucial aspect of this relationship triad.

This involves standing by each other during challenging times, understanding each other’s perspectives, and working together to find solutions.

When you and your spouse support each other in your respective relationships with your mother-in-law, it can help to create a balanced and respectful family dynamic.

Challenges are inevitable in any relationship, and the one with your mother-in-law is no exception.

However, the way you and your spouse navigate these challenges can significantly shape the overall family dynamics.

By approaching these situations as a team, you can foster a sense of unity and mutual respect.

This collaborative approach can not only help to resolve issues more effectively but can also strengthen your bond with your spouse.

Be Yourself

Respecting your mother-in-law and honouring family traditions are significant aspects of building a harmonious family life.

However, it’s equally important to stay true to yourself and maintain your authenticity in the process.

Balancing these elements can lead to a more fulfilling and genuine relationship with your mother-in-law and the broader family.

Family traditions and norms play a crucial role in shaping the dynamics of a family.

Respecting these traditions and your mother-in-law is a gesture of understanding and acceptance.

It shows your willingness to embrace the family’s cultural heritage and values, which can foster a positive relationship with your mother-in-law.

While respecting traditions is important, it’s equally crucial to stay true to yourself.

Authenticity is about expressing your true thoughts, feelings, and beliefs, even if they differ from the family norms.

It’s about maintaining your individuality and not losing yourself in the process of adapting to a new family dynamic.

Being authentic can help you build genuine and meaningful relationships within the family.

Balancing respect for your mother-in-law and family traditions with your authenticity can be a delicate task.

It’s about finding a middle ground where you can honour the family’s values while also expressing your own.

This balance can be achieved through open and respectful communication, where you can express your thoughts and feelings honestly, and also listen and understand the perspectives of your mother-in-law and other family members.

Show Appreciation

Appreciation is a powerful tool in any relationship, and the one with your mother-in-law is no exception.

A simple thank you or a heartfelt acknowledgement of her efforts can significantly contribute to building a positive and harmonious relationship.

Appreciation is more than just a polite gesture. It’s a way of showing respect and gratitude for someone’s efforts and contributions.

When you thank your mother-in-law for her help or acknowledge her efforts, you’re showing her that you value her role in your life.

This can foster a sense of mutual respect and understanding, which is key to a positive relationship.

Expressing gratitude to your mother-in-law can take many forms.

It could be a simple thank you after she helps you with something, a heartfelt compliment about her cooking, or even a thoughtful gift to show your appreciation.

The key is to be sincere and specific in your expressions of gratitude.

This can help to make your mother-in-law feel valued and appreciated.

In addition to expressing gratitude, it’s also important to acknowledge your mother-in-law’s efforts.

This could involve recognising her hard work in maintaining family traditions, her dedication to her family, or her efforts to make you feel welcome and included.

By acknowledging these efforts, you’re showing your mother-in-law that you see and appreciate her contributions, which can help to strengthen your relationship.

Seek Advice

Navigating the dynamics of a relationship with your mother-in-law can sometimes be challenging.

If you find yourself struggling, remember that seeking advice is not a sign of weakness, but a proactive step towards building a healthier relationship.

Whether it’s confiding in friends or family members who have been in similar situations, or seeking help from a professional counsellor, these resources can provide valuable insights and strategies.

Your friends and family members can be a rich source of advice and support.

Those who have experienced similar situations can offer a unique perspective, sharing their own experiences and the strategies they used to navigate their relationships with their mothers-in-law.

Their advice can be particularly helpful as it comes from a place of understanding and empathy.

Remember, every relationship is unique, so while their experiences may not mirror yours exactly, they can still provide valuable insights.

If the challenges persist, consider seeking help from a professional counsellor.

These professionals are trained to handle a wide range of interpersonal issues and can provide you with strategies to manage and improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.

They can help you understand the dynamics of your relationship, identify potential areas of conflict, and develop effective communication strategies.

Counselling can provide a safe and neutral space for you to express your feelings and concerns, and work towards solutions.

Regardless of who you seek advice from, remember that open and honest communication is key.

It’s important to express your feelings and concerns, not only to your mother-in-law but also to your spouse.

Working together as a team can help ensure that everyone’s feelings are acknowledged and respected, and can lead to more effective solutions.

Building a strong, respectful relationship with your mother-in-law in a Desi household doesn’t have to be a daunting task.

By understanding and respecting family traditions, setting clear boundaries, and fostering open communication, you can navigate this complex relationship with grace and confidence.

Remember, every relationship takes time to grow and mature.

There might be bumps along the way, but with the practical tips outlined, you can turn your relationship with your mother-in-law from a source of tension into a source of support and love.

After all, a harmonious bond with your mother-in-law can enrich your family life and make your journey as a daughter-in-law in a Desi household a truly rewarding experience.