"failure is a bruise, not a tattoo"
Stature, poise, spirit and decorum are all ways to describe a confident person. But, how can one achieve these attributes to build their own self-confidence?
Whilst some people are naturally self-assured, others find themselves lacking in certain areas of life. For men, they are especially conscious of this.
Although, it’s important to note that there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance.
This is where independence plays a key role as you need to be happy and accepting of your internal and external self.
Additionally, to build up one’s self-confidence is to have self-belief.
Then, that principle is applied to every aspect of life – work, demeanour, relationships, self-care and so on.
In a way, being confident is the assertion of yourself and standing by certain goals you set whilst maintaining good manners, social skills and an open mind.
It’s important to consider that with the areas listed, you may be weak in some and stronger in others.
So, start off with the areas you are lacking and you’ll start building layers of confidence much easier.
Building your self-confidence is done in steps and knowing where to start.
The best approach to take is trying to organise your day to day life. This step declutters your mind with unnecessary decisions.
For example, if you take a while in choosing an outfit for work in the morning, decide the night before what to wear.
This will mean you’ll already have partly organised that morning whilst getting a few extra minutes in bed.
A small change like this will work wonders and can motivate you to apply the same method to other areas.
One of the most powerful techniques in organising your thoughts and actions is journaling.
People journal for a number of reasons. One is to write down their goals (daily/weekly/monthly) or to jot down their emotions as a way of releasing the strains of the day.
It gives you a clear and intimate indication of how to navigate in the future and can organise your actions for the coming days – give it a try.
American poet, Jon Sinclair, has stated “failure is a bruise, not a tattoo”.
When attempting anything in life, you need to be okay with failing from time to time. Falling at a hurdle, as the quote above displays, is not permanent and is a part of success.
It allows you to not only gain experience in the challenge you’re taking on but figuring out ways to overcome it.
But, many men cannot stomach failure out of shame or fear. However, ask yourself why and usually, this will subdue the anxiety you feel.
Being self-aware like this will provide a massive boost in your self-confidence and give you the motivation to actually challenge yourself.
Start a new hobby or try a new sport, and get out of your comfort zone.
Once you do this, your mind becomes more accepting of failure which gives you the strength to persevere.
Learn A Skill
Leading on from the previous point, learning a new skill or even improving on ones that you already possess can give you a massive boost in self-confidence.
The best thing about this is choosing any skill from any area you’re interested in. Whether it’s sports, culture or food, there’s something for everyone.
This can be something small such as teaching yourself how to cook to something more complex like learning a language.
Absorbing such information is not only exciting but it gives you a sense of accomplishment when you succeed in the chosen field.
Psychologically, this will make you feel proud and in turn push your self-confidence.
Then you will start wanting to take on new skills and challenges making you a more experienced and well-rounded person.
It’s easy to get caught up in the strains and stresses of life and forget to take time out for yourself.
Things such as regular haircuts, good personal hygiene and a solid wardrobe can help you feel more presentable and provide you with some self-confidence.
However, self-care also comes in the form of habits such as eating healthier, having a good sleeping pattern and social media breaks.
You can also attempt things such as seeing a movie, going for a nature walk or meditating.
Even treating yourself to a fancy meal or a quick getaway can instantly improve your mental health and confidence.
By having a high level of self-care, you promote a huge level of self-worth. It is this internal realisation that will help you become the most confident version of yourself.
Of course, this is not achieved overnight so take your time and with slight tweaks, you will gradually blossom.
Partly falling under the umbrella of self-care is fitness. Whilst workouts are related to looking good, having a good fitness routine works wonders for more than just your appearance.
Exercise is linked to reducing anxiety and negative moods whilst improving brain functionality.
It also gives you a sense of accomplishment which again can increase your confidence levels. No one has ever left the gym regretting their decision to go in the first place.
Whilst first-timers see the gym as a daunting place, there are ways to get around this.
Many places offer a no-contract membership, meaning you can cancel anytime and will only have to pay for that month you go.
Another tip is to use a day pass which is a one-time-only entry to the gym, so you can familiarise yourself with the environment.
Whilst you will see the results physically, providing you with body confidence, the internal effects of feeling more energetic, flexible and energised can work wonders.
Whether it’s every day or a couple of times a week, fitness is a surefire way to build up your self-confidence.
Having a good and solid demeanour means having a confident way of carrying yourself. This is from the way your posture is to the method in which you greet people.
Take a look at your posture now. Are you hunched over? Are you slouching? Many of us don’t even realise this.
Now, try and sit/stand tall with your shoulders back, a straight back and with your head held level – notice the difference?
However, demeanour is more than just this.
It’s speaking with positivity, having friendly facial expressions and remaining bright.
When interacting with friends or colleagues, making good conversation and talking with a smile are all characteristics of a confident and easy to approach person.
Likewise, look people in the eye and keep this contact as it shows others you are listening – confident guys always listen.
But do not get this approach mixed with being the centre of attention, it’s not about people-pleasing but just having the correct decorum when needed.
Self-confidence stems from an open mind and enabling yourself to learn but also kindly debate with others.
Asking questions is great in indicating to someone that you’re engaged in the conversation and interested in what they have to say.
Whilst this is a subtle characteristic that most don’t pick up on, it is a contributing factor to building self-confidence.
Additionally, it shows you are a person who does not need to be heard all the time. This links back to the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Similarly, if you are unsure of a point a person has made, do not try and counteract them with a point that makes you sound smart. Ask them to kindly clarify what they mean.
This will make for a smoother conversation. Observe how people act when you ask questions to when you make statements and the difference will be clear.
Think For Yourself
As mentioned before, confident men are not people pleasers and act the same whether they are around people they admire or people they dislike.
If you find yourself changing your beliefs to fit in with a certain conversation then you may have some people-pleasing qualities in you.
This is not an entirely bad thing, but something to tweak to build your self-confidence. As American naturalist Henry David Thoreau said:
“Think for yourself, or others will think for you without thinking of you.”
This ties in with knowing who you are as a person and the ideologies you have. So, don’t squander in order to make others happy.
Now, it does not mean you become rude to others or impose yourself in an overwhelming way, but it’s more so for men who find themselves being pushovers.
Most men feel anxious, nervous or apprehensive about certain decisions in their life. But, confident guys do not let this hold them back.
Taking action means progressing or being practical on a daily basis. Build habits like making your bed, trying a new hobby or experimenting with food.
Don’t set unrealistic expectations with a huge goal but break down tasks on a weekly basis in order to form a sustainable routine.
This also comes in the form of setting yourself a yearly or annual target like a promotion or a new car.
Maybe something even smaller like renovating your room can be fulfilling.
Self-confidence is allowing yourself to grow and taking action will allow you to continuously move forward.
Strive For Better
Have you ever wondered how the most successful people in the world came to be so prosperous? Well, it’s their insane dedication and ambition to become better.
Whilst it’s easy to stick to a comfort zone, pushing your limits can skyrocket your self-confidence.
As with self-care, striving for better is knowing your self-worth and acknowledging that you can improve every day.
This comes in the form of doing things that aren’t necessarily convenient. Sometimes comfort can result in complacency.
One tip is when you’re met with adversity, finish what you were doing. Do not flee.
Also, try facing one small ‘fear’ a week like talking to a person you’re attracted to or trying to read one book.
If you find yourself constantly contemplating decisions then ask yourself why and look into how much you are holding yourself back.
However, it’s also vital to always monitor where you have come from. Focus on areas where you have improved which will encourage you to grow even more.
The foundation of self-confidence all stems from thinking and acting positively.
Although this won’t be the case every single day, it’s important to keep yourself at ease by focusing on the good.
We can’t all brush off the negative realities of life, but to focus on them instead of the positives is entirely different.
A few times a week, try writing down or saying out loud all the good that happened in the day.
Even if you undertaking a task at work or home which is challenging, list the positive outcomes first.
This will train your mind to see the benefits of certain scenarios, thus leading you to a sense of confidence moving forward.
More importantly, it will vastly improve your mental health and give you the tools to cope better with future stressful situations.
Have you ever been questioned about the way you handle a situation or the way you are doing a task?
If so, and you question yourself and become angry or frustrated, then it can be a sign of low self-confidence.
However, if you take certain comments on board without challenging your own skillset, then your tenacity and morale will grow.
Moreover, a good way to empower yourself without demoralising yourself is to look at your own strengths and weaknesses.
This links back to journaling and being realistic with areas where you can improve.
Again, this will give you some organisation and provide you with some targets to focus on and give you clear direction in life.
It’s important to stick by what you believe in and what you know.
Embrace the experiences and advice of others, but do not let it hinder what you truly think.
Likewise, take pride in your attributes and characteristics and be entirely confident in the person you are.
These areas will help your self-confidence massively as each approach can be applied to almost every aspect of life.
Whilst you may be stronger in certain areas than others, there is always room to improve when it comes to self-confidence.
Similarly, these tips can be moulded to suit your lifestyle and the spaces you wish to see progress.
For example, if you want to build upon your fitness, try running once a week. Don’t overwhelm yourself and the momentum will come.
Likewise, you may feel like you can really challenge yourself. So, take on a new skill like learning a language. Do what feels right.
It does not mean you attempt each of these steps altogether as that will overpower you. Just try one at a time and most importantly, take your time to adjust.
Therefore, try out some of these self-confidence techniques and see the types of strides you start to make.