“I’d like to get cosy with her in a pool of Nutella."
Ask someone about sex habits among men and women of the country, and you’re likely to receive silence in return.
India and sex share a paradoxical relationship. Uttering the term ‘sex’ or talking about anything related to it attracts accusatory glances leaving you feeling like a sinner.
At the same time, India is the second most populated country and continues to make babies. The nation is leading the birth rate chart even in these unprecedented times with 20.1 million births.
Making love wasn’t always looked at as an offence in this land of Kamasutra.
India’s rich history of fashion and art provides enough evidence that sex and sensuality are subjects that were embraced and even discussed openly.
Cave paintings of Ajanta and Ellora or the temple of Khajurao where idols are depicted romantically are living proofs of the bygone time when sex was considered to be a natural phenomenon.
It was only under the shade of the British Victorians, who chose to highlight parts of scriptures that allowed them to suppress the Indians, that it became shameful to even think of these matters.
This combined with the concepts of chastity put a taboo on sex that has led to issues, psychological and physical, that are not unknown.
On a brighter note, modern India has a progressive outlook on sexuality. Although the taboo remains, a lot that happens behind the scenes depicts the other side of the picture.
From liberal to hilarious to shocking, here’s a sneak peek into some common sex habits amongst Indians.
Getting Creative in Bed
In a patriarchal culture where women are naturally submissive and men like to dominate, it is easy to assume that the missionary position gets all the votes.
Well, good old missionary is a classic hit with couples, especially women, given the ease of intimacy it offers. However, what happens behind closed doors tells a completely different story.
It turns out that the cowgirl and doggie style rank high among men and women in India.
Contrary to popular belief, men love seeing women on top, dominating the scene when it comes to sex. They want to let loose, letting their women take charge.
On the other hand, ladies prefer it as it allows them to set the pace, get playful and achieve an orgasm, which they often complain about. A definite win-win here!
Doggie style where the woman is on all fours and the man enters from behind is another favourite among couples who like things steamy.
From setting the speed to playing with her breasts to spanking, both positions allow couples to derive maximum pleasure.
It is no secret that modern couples like to experiment. And, so, reverse cowgirl and stand and carry are two more positions that are a hit.
A woman said in a survey that she “likes it doggie style as it allows for deep penetration. Another sex position which I feel is a big turn on is the reverse cowgirl.”
Undoubtedly, the dynamics of patriarchy have changed in the bedroom.
Sex – Anytime, Anywhere
When it comes to Indian couples, not only do they indulge in the act behind closed doors but also in the dark (not literally of course).
Outlook India suggests that late night is the peak hour for copulation. Considering the social and cultural responsibilities that couples in India shoulder, this is the perfect way to end their day.
While most of them would admit to enjoying sex late at night, variations in time regarding sexual affairs are spotted. Married for two years now, Tanvi shares her experience with us:
“Night is our time. But, my husband loves to get cosy in the early hours of the morning.
“So, there are instances when we start our day with an orgasm.”
Like Tanvi, several people online also said that they had sex during the morning hours.
There’s no doubt that long work hours, household chores, stress, children, age along with the taboo do have an impact on one’s sex life in India. And, so, time may vary accordingly.
However, when it comes to frequency, couples find time to go on a ride. Be it night or day, young couples, especially newlyweds, have a rocking sex life.
They do it almost every day and sometimes twice or thrice a day as time permits. Young love as they say! But with time, pressures of the world take precedence and the count drops.
Keeping up with the social stature, planning a family, financial matters leave little time for physical intimacy, reducing lovemaking to 2-4 times a week.
Reportedly, 38% of men and a whopping 45% of women are busy to think about lovemaking.
Because marriage is closely related to sex, married men and women may have a good sex life. But, when it comes to singles, the data shows a different picture.
Only 3% of single men and 1% of single women reported having sex in the past 4 weeks in research conducted by mint.
This pulls into question, does virginity still matter to Indians?
Narrating After Sex Tales
“My husband gets to work immediately after we’re done.”
While talking about what couples do after sex, this is what Reena had to say. She adds:
“It is quite annoying at times because I am mentally still there. I wish to spend quality time with him; cuddle or talk.”
Imagine, you’re having a wild session with your love. As soon as the soul-satisfying experience is done with, your partner gets to work or starts watching television.
Indeed a complete turn off, it may seem to you as if they simply performed it out of duty and not emotion.
Unfortunately, many men and women still need to make progress on this front. Research tells us that men like to read or watch television, while women like to clean up after a hot romp.
Falling asleep, opting for a smoke or working right afterwards is also in the list of common sex habits.
Of course, couples have their own understanding when it comes to coital matters. However, one of them not being able to communicate their needs or dismay is also not unheard of.
Sex demands a lot of energy from both of you, so it is only fair to ensure that neither of you is feeling uncared for.
Cuddle, take a hot shower, take to pillow talk, go for some drinks and food, or simply kiss more together. You not only have a complete experience but also strengthen your relationship.
Touch Me Touch Me, Kiss Me Kiss Me
A dimly lit room with the fragrance of vanilla candles along with some champagne and soft music to set the mood for a long night ahead. Ah! Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?
Women may already be nodding their heads in agreement. No, this does not mean that they want a filmy romance. This is only one of the ways to alluring foreplay.
Irrespective of the era, women crave long foreplay before moving on to intercourse. And, therefore foreplay is one of the prominent sex habits that women can’t get enough of.
She desires for her man to undress her, caress her, admire her, kiss her and show her that she is loved. Start strong, but also staying strong is the way to go for them.
Giving her views to a renowned media house, Samridhi shares:
“For men, sex tends to be a stress reliever, but for women, we need stress relief in order to be romantic.
“So, if our partners take time to listen, comfort and cuddle us a bit, there’s nothing more valuable and gratifying.”
Most men like to jump the bones, which often gets annoying for women. Jia can’t seem to comprehend the concept of quickie sex. She prefers to be stimulated before climaxing.
Studies have shown that most women fail to orgasm when having sex with their partners.
One can attribute it to the lack of foreplay, as it plays a critical role in reaching orgasm as well as for a satisfying experience.
According to relationship expert Vandana Ganpathy:
“An average woman needs 45 minutes of sensual intensification to reach an orgasm.”
Experts have been time and again confirming legend Vatsayan’s belief that for a perfect sexual experience prolonged foreplay is crucial. Dr Shahid Ansari explains:
“Women’s bodies need lubrication required for intercourse and their emotions dictate the same to them. They need to feel a sense of closeness and mutual respect with their partner.
“All of this can be achieved through foreplay, which also helps the woman in question feel desired.”
Plus, the act is not restricted to bodily touch, but is more about how you treat your partner. Teasing them or looking them naughtily in the eye can all lead to a fulfilling sexual encounter.
If your lady love has been complaining about not being able to orgasm, then you now know what to do. Roleplay, teasing, caressing or use some toys, there are enough ways to woo her in bed.
Getting Down To It
‘Going down’, ‘rimming’, ‘blow jobs’ and ‘69’ are some terms that describe oral sex.
Oral sex, where you use your mouth or tongue to stimulate your partner’s genitals, is one of the sex habits enjoyed by Indian lovers.
This form of pleasure is liked by both men and women, though the latter is hesitant in most cases to go down to please their men.
Sexologist Dr Pushkar Gupta confirms the same saying:
“In case of oral sex, it’s true that men are more eager to receive oral pleasure and women are often reluctant mainly due to hygiene issues.”
Dr Gupta also provides a solution, “Once a woman starts taking pleasure in the act, just wait for an initiative from her side rather than asking her to indulge in an oral act every time you get intimate.”
But, then there are also women who absolutely love the orgasm that this type of sex offers. Quite common with couples these days, it typically forms an essential part of foreplay.
It is certain that couples are going crazy in bed these days. But, since the risk of STDs cannot be ruled out, make sure the condom is always on and you are clean down there.
No Love Like Self Love
Satisfying yourselves is one of the ways of embracing your sexuality and the desires that arise out of it.
Masturbation, highly prevalent among men and women across the nation, is even a bigger taboo than sex. And, women pleasuring themselves can be a pure nightmare.
But if the Indian society isn’t taking enough steps to educate youngsters around sex and sex habits, it doesn’t mean they do not indulge in them.
99.45% of men have masturbated, and 1 in 4 of them do it at least once regularly.
Women are catching up with 82% of them have pleasured themselves at least once in their life and 28.8% saying they do it 3-4 times a week.
Young India is undoubtedly not shying away from exploring their sexuality. The habit is not restricted to singles. Couples are not giving up independency in this matter even after marriage.
Men and women continue to play with themselves and fulfil their needs as and when they arise after they wed.
If you think that the practice is popular only among learned, urban men and women, then think again. Both the sexes equally embrace their needs by jerking off even in villages.
In fact, the conversation around sexual cravings (ichcha) is quite normal among villagers, especially in the context of the gender with the vagina.
Using hands is the usual way of giving self-pleasure. And, most of them indulge in self-love while consuming porn; digital and print.
Several other means range from water jets, vegetables, toothbrushes, ice cubes, pillows, dildos, etc. The good old Nokia vibrating phones are also not spared.
If you thought that this is all done behind closed doors or while showering, then you’re in for a surprise.
Both males and females are known to have masturbated in offices, trains, rickshaws, buses and even horseback.
Studies show that sex habits are good for your physical and mental wellbeing.
However, addiction to anything can be harmful. If you feel helpless, consult your doctor or take therapy to lead a healthy sexual life.
In a country where sex education is almost absent, it comes as little surprise that pornography is the second most popular medium to learn about sex.
Peers top the list with 30% of men being enlightened about physical intimacy by their fellow friends.
In 2018, world-famous site, Pornhub conducted a study that ranks India as the third-largest consumer of porn.
Despite the ban in the country, the average time spent by users on the site has increased, although only by 2 seconds.
The average age of the visitors is shown to be 29, while around 30% of the traffic generated is from women.
It is true then. Humans find it thrilling to do what they’re told not to do. The statistics derived by Vitamin Stree on millennials affirms the same.
The findings suggest that 91% of men watch porn and half of them do it several times a week. Sex habits like these may have excluded females for long, but the scene today is different.
With 65% of women saying that they watch porn, it is being increasingly consumed by this often overlooking gender.
A quick way to meet one’s desire, thanks to the internet, watching porn is a widespread habit among young and old, married and unmarried, rural or urban people.
There’s nothing wrong with watching porn, however, too much of anything can lead to disastrous consequences.
Porn addiction is not uncommon. And, the consequences can cause havoc in life.
These include developing unrealistic ideas about sex, seeing them as real, negative self-image, guilt and loss of intimacy between couples. It must be noted that from adolescents to adults are all prone to it.
A 22-year-old lad nearly failed his fourth year engineering exams because of spending hours watching porn, while a married couple filed for a divorce because one of them was addicted to porn.
19-year-old Amish, too, masturbates several times a day while consuming this form of content. He says:
“I have surely developed some ideas about sex along with some fantasies, which I hope to fulfil with my partner.”
Speaking to Times India, Dr Bharat Shah says:
“It’s a thin line that tips you over to be an addict. One is aware of consequences but the compulsion is so strong that one cannot function if they don’t give in to that desire.”
If you’re reading this, then there’s nothing wrong in exploring sexuality or being curious. However, do not let that impact your life and relationships negatively.
Sex Over Tech
Tech plays the central character in our lives; from ensuring work gets done to entertainment and maintaining relationships. No wonder frustration strikes when the phone goes out of sight.
It’s obvious then that the device with a camera holds a lot of secrets related to desires and habits that a sexually shy India would not otherwise speak of.
Sexting or sex texting is one of the widely prevalent sex habits where couples share messages, photos and videos referring to physically intimate acts.
It is popular amongst adolescents and the practice has increased in recent decades. A study conducted over lakh (100,00) participants shows that an estimated 1 in 7 teenagers send sexts and 1 in 4 receives sexts.
One of the elements of sexting is the exchange of intimate pictures. Generally called the nude-selfie cultural, it is skyrocketing in India.
Dating has transformed over the years. Tech is one of the mediums to facilitate dating and explore sexual needs.
With fear surrounding matters of the heart, technology makes it convenient for teens and adults to have intimate conversations without anyone knowing about it.
Love does make these young minds explore potential ways to feel accepted and wanted. But, unfortunately, many of them end up getting exploited.
No prizes for guessing who. There are many females whose private pictures were leaked, in most cases by the person they were dating.
And the onus of such a crime falls on the victim herself, with every single person blaming her. This can lead to a long-term impact on their mental, emotional and social health.
What about the men committing the crime, you ask? Well, they get away with no consequences. Shadows of patriarchy wouldn’t leave so easily.
As a society at large, we can’t do away with digitisation. But, we surely can promote the need for education on safe sex as well as sexting.
Going Wild in the Mind
“Shh…Lower your volume” is the usual response to talks about sex. Sexual conversations are either never had or reduced to whispers in the country.
What people forget is that the mouth can be silenced, the mind cannot. Playing in the heads of millennials and adults alike are imaginary scenarios of them revelling in pleasure, typically in unusual ways.
Desires and fantasies are an inherent aspect of people’s sexual lives. From mild to wild, men and women want to make whoopee in ways that add thrill to this aspect of their lives.
And, they’re being vocal about it.
One woman man Krish is waiting to explore his wild dreams with his lady love. Sharing one of the ideas he has, he tells us:
“I’d like to get cosy with her in a pool of Nutella. It may sound messy, but that’s how I like it.”
Like Krish, there are men and women who get a kick out of experimenting in the sexual space.
From being dominated in bed to voyeurism to a threesome, he likes to get naughty or give in to the ways of his lady. On the other hand, enacting a scene or to commit the act in public, she likes to get adventurous.
It might interest you to know that having sex in unusual places is the biggest fantasy that couples have.
Acquainting us with her story, Ruchi says, “It was in the corner seat of a theatre. Having sex there is the most exciting thing I’ve ever done.”
Karan recalls making love with his girlfriend at their workplace and also in a hotel’s loo. He adds:
“The risk of getting caught combined with the kick it gives makes it unforgettable.”
Likewise, minds fantasise about copulating in the car, farms, busy streets, pool, at weddings and on mountains. The list is endless.
To feel fear and guilt upon getting thoughts about sex is also normal in the country. And, if you’re feeling ashamed, then you need to stop.
Even doctors are for fantasies until and unless they’re harmless. Explains Dr Sanjay Chugh:
“Those who fantasise the most are engaged in loving, trusting and sexually satisfied relationships.”
Dr Deepak Raheja of Hope Foundation shares a similar opinion:
“Sex usually begins in the brain. So an active imagination gears up the mind, thereby heightening the desire to an extent that arousal becomes much quicker adding to sexual gratification.”
Open communication is key to a happy relationship. Instead of letting it pile up inside, share your desires with your partner. You never know, your initiative might open doors to a great sexual communion.
Kink is the New High
Many credits to E.L. James’ ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ (2011) that speaks about BDSM, today kink has caught the attention of the young and old in India.
Typically, synonymous with handcuffs and chains, BDSM is a collective term for elements of sex that include bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.
But, the negative representations of the practice in literature, films and media have not gone down well with the BDSM community. This is because it is not as intimidating as it is depicted.
Yes, India is home to several communities giving voice to kinksters.
In simplest terms, BDSM allows one to experience a healthy blend of sex, power and pain.
One plays the dominant and the other submissive, which is discussed beforehand. Now, it is easy to presume that the submissive has little to no control in the act.
However, the truth is the opposite. Safewords; common terms that are used to ask the other person to stop, are a vital part of the practice whenever things get too intense.
Ask any active member of the communities and they’ll agree that at the heart of it all is consent and mutual trust.
Says a supporter of a kink community, “As opposed to the myth that we are a violent bunch of people, here consent is actively sought and given.”
Another myth about kink that’s busted is regarding its association with pain. Belonging to the Kinky Collective community, Shiv debunks it in an interview:
“People don’t have to be masochist or sadist to be involved in kink. Somebody has a foot fetish – where is the pain?”
One of the surprising aspects of BDSM can be asexual. Shiv explains:
“It is not about sex, it’s a power exchange. I have been part of week-long sessions where I didn’t have the benefit of sex at all!”
From spanking to blindfolds, bondage and more, BDSM is a territory that challenges the patriarchy mindset.
And, it is definitely in the spotlight for Indians, who are gradually becoming confident about their sexuality.
The sex habits mentioned above reveal a picture of India that remains unseen and unheard of.
Although the progress is great, the nation has a long way to travel before it can be called progressive in the subject.
The huge stigma surrounding the matters of the genitalia forces many people to remain tight-lipped; often missing out on the most romantic aspects of life even after being wedded.
Moreover, the issues related to the hymen, unprotected intercourse and sex being forced cannot be ignored.
With these in mind, it can safely be concluded that sex education is the prime need of the hour.
Not only does it help the people of the country feel less burdened, but also addresses the horrific problems that arise due to a pessimistic outlook of sex.
Until the nation implements it on a large scale, ensuring safety while getting intimate is the only way to go. Because no sex is better than safe sex.