As a couple, we feel too tired for sex due to a busy life and I think it is making us drift apart. How do we change this?
Busy lives for a couple is the trend of the 21st century. Making time for each other with so many distractions from long working hours, demands of extended family, young children and even social media on your smartphone, all consume time.
For a couple from South Asian culture, there can be issues in a household that can affect your relationship too. Including an arranged marriage, in-laws and community expectations. All of these can take their toll on a relationship too.
Communication is key for great sex, so first, have a chat about your sex life.
Yes, it may be awkward, if you don’t chat about it often or have never talked about it. But it is a very important starting point for you to progress to look at the issue together than individuals.
Ask your partner if they are happy with how regularly you have sex. Sometimes all it takes is addressing the situation and talking about it openly for both of you to make a conscious effort to change things.
Try flirting and teasing each other a bit, even when you are busy. Send a naughty message when they are at work. Have a little kiss and fondle whilst doing a boring chore. Not with the intention of having sex right away, but just to have a little play. This really helps build the anticipation and desire.
Okay, this may sound really boring, but what is your diet like? When busy, it can be really easy to go without food for long periods; eat too much or too little or the wrong foods when everything and everyone else takes priority.
- Start your day with a fruit smoothie with breakfast. It’s a very quick and easy way of getting your 5-a- day vitamins and minerals from fruit.
- Your biggest meal should be at lunch time. Choose lots of protein and a small portion of carbs. Add as much veg and/or salad as you can eat with this meal.
- Try to eat light for dinner, some chicken or fish with salad. Most people tend to have a big dinner in the evening after a long, busy day. Your body doesn’t have the time or energy to process it so it can leave you feeling tired and sluggish. It’s hard to feel sexy and energetic after a big heavy evening meal.
- Drink lots of water. Most people don’t realise how dehydrated they are. This also massively affects energy levels.
Another great way to increase sexual interaction is to set a date night. Take turns to pick the place and time. Even if it is just once a month.
Get out of the house and do something fun together, away from family, away from work and other responsibilities.
Just you and your partner relaxing and enjoying some quality time together. It is very easy to let work and family life take over. All of a sudden you might find yourself in a rut of boring routine. It’s up to you and your partner to shake things up a little every so often and reconnect sexually and emotionally.
Always remember to compliment each other. It’s so important to let your other half know that they are valued and appreciated.
Once the ‘honeymoon period’ is over and real life sets in, many people stop saying ‘I love you’ ‘I appreciate you’ ‘I need you’ ‘I want you’. These simple statements can remind your partner that you are there wanting their love and affection.
By showing them your own gratitude and appreciation, you are leaving the door open to receiving some back too.
Finally, there is no quick fix but there is always a way to get your sex life back on track with a little effort from both of you and appreciation of that the problem needs attention.
Rachael McCoy is an award-winning sex and relationship coach with a friendly, approachable, candid style of teaching which makes her clients feel relaxed and completely able to trust her. She provides 1:1 coaching for singles, couples and group master classes to inspire better sex and relationships. She can be reached on Twitter as @Rachael_ISxpert.
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