Being the emotional anchor in a relationship takes its toll.
In South Asian relationships, love is rarely just about affection and companionship.
Beneath the surface lies a complex layer of emotional labour, an invisible, exhausting responsibility that women often bear alone.
From remembering anniversaries to easing tensions after an argument, Desi women routinely manage the emotional landscape of their relationships.
This invisible work ensures peace, connection, and continuity, but at a high personal cost.
The imbalance persists even in modern, educated couples, revealing how culture and gender expectations intertwine.
While men may not intend to lean so heavily on their partners, systemic norms allow them to do so without consequence.
What Emotional Labour Looks Like in Desi Relationships
Emotional labour refers to the unpaid effort of managing your and your partner’s feelings to maintain relationship stability.
In Desi partnerships, this includes keeping track of emotional cues, planning date nights, and anticipating needs without being asked.
Women often initiate important conversations, resolve misunderstandings, and maintain emotional intimacy.
They manage their partner’s moods while suppressing their frustrations to avoid conflict.
It’s this quiet yet continuous effort that keeps the relationship running smoothly.
But unlike physical chores, emotional labour is rarely acknowledged or appreciated, even though it’s just as essential.
The Gender Gap Behind Closed Doors
Although household roles have evolved, emotional expectations remain stubbornly unequal.
A 2019 Indian government report revealed that women spend over three times more time on unpaid domestic work than men.
And in a 2021 survey by CMIE, over half of women said they feel primarily responsible for managing the home.
This dynamic easily spills into romantic relationships, where men may contribute to household decisions but often leave the emotional upkeep to women.
Whether it’s checking in after a long day or remembering a partner’s triggers during an argument, women are expected to know and do more.
This gap creates an emotional fatigue that’s often invisible until it becomes unbearable.
The Personal Cost of Constant Caring
Being the emotional anchor in a relationship takes its toll.
Women may appear composed and nurturing, but internally, many feel overwhelmed and under-supported.
They often sacrifice rest, hobbies, or career opportunities to stay emotionally available.
This imbalance contributes to higher rates of burnout, anxiety, and even depression among women in long-term partnerships.
The pressure to maintain emotional harmony without reciprocation can lead to resentment.
Over time, some women withdraw emotionally or avoid intimacy altogether.
Their needs become secondary to their partner’s comfort, creating a relationship that feels one-sided despite its surface-level normalcy.
Cultural Norms that Reinforce the Imbalance
South Asian culture often frames women as caretakers and emotional stewards within relationships.
Even in love marriages, wives are expected to nurture, forgive, and stabilise.
Men, meanwhile, are rarely taught to express vulnerability or manage emotions constructively.
Instead, they’re often encouraged to focus on career success and authority.
In relationships, this results in women adapting their behaviour to protect their partner’s ego or avoid tension.
Whether it’s softening criticism, absorbing anger, or prioritising his goals, women internalise that emotional service is part of being a “good” partner.
These expectations are rarely questioned but are deeply rooted in generational beliefs.
Emotional Labour in Diaspora Relationships
In South Asian immigrant couples, emotional labour can become even more layered.
Women often find themselves balancing cultural expectations with Western ideals of equality.
They may support their partner’s emotional struggles with identity, finances, or family pressure while also navigating their own.
In many cases, they’re expected to integrate extended family dynamics into their relationship maintenance, acting as a bridge between cultures.
Even when both partners were raised in the West, Desi men may unconsciously reproduce gendered patterns observed at home.
As a result, emotional labour becomes a silent burden that women carry across continents and generations.
Digital Intimacy and Emotional Overload
Modern Desi couples often interact through digital platforms, text, voice notes, and video calls, which intensify the demand for constant emotional availability.
Women frequently find themselves managing conflicts mid-workday or offering reassurance over late-night messages.
This 24/7 access extends emotional labour into every hour of the day.
For influencers and content creators in Desi couples, the emotional performance is even more pronounced.
They not only manage real-life emotional upkeep but also curate an online narrative of a happy, balanced relationship.
The emotional toll of both worlds often goes unseen but is deeply felt.
Desi relationships thrive when both partners invest in emotional upkeep.
Right now, that balance is skewed, with women carrying the greater weight silently.
It’s time to move beyond outdated gender roles and recognise that love isn’t just about presence. It’s about participation.
When emotional labour is acknowledged, respected, and shared, relationships become healthier, more intimate, and more sustainable.
South Asian couples deserve partnerships built not on sacrifice, but on mutual emotional effort.
Because in love, it’s not enough to just be there. You have to truly show up.
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