Sex Help: He Admitted to Sleeping with a Sex Worker

Finding out your partner has slept with a sex worker can be desolating for a woman. Our Sexpert Saidat Khan looks at ways to help.

Sex Help: He admitted to Sleeping with a Sex Worker

men seek to sleep with a sex worker for a variety of different reasons

My Partner admitted to Sleeping with a Sex worker. What should I do?

It is understandable that you may be feeling confused and probably feel like you have been betrayed by him, which can have a negative impact on the way you begin to perceive your partner after such a disclosure.

He is showing great courage and being really honest in confessing to something about his past sexual behaviour and taking the risk of exposing himself. He probably felt that the relationship with you was worth it by him telling you the truth. There are many men who would never disclose something like this.

Do you think it would have been better for your relationship if he told you at a later stage or if you found out through other channels by chance or stumbling across it? 

Are you asking yourself if it was an isolated case or do you have reservations that there may be other times he has done this? Do you think he is dirty and may have a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

One thing you could request is for your partner to go and have an ‘STI’ test and let him know that you would like to see evidence of the results report. This can qualify safety for yourself.

However, it may be useful for you to know, whether you think it is right or not, that men seek to sleep with a sex worker for a variety of different reasons.

The reasons include:

  • solely to satisfy an immediate sexual urge
  • peer pressure
  • not having their sexual needs met in a relationship
  • the thrill of participating in something new to explore
  • an underlining issue of addiction or sexual compulsive behaviour

Many South Asian men experience difficulties with sexual and loving relationships. This may be down to the lack of sexual education and a number of sexual experiences they encounter.

These issues will heighten anxiety around sexual performance as an individual develops, learns and becomes more sexually aware which may lead to feelings of sexual inadequacy and shyness.

You have the right to question your partner and express the feelings you are experiencing but I think it is equally important to be mindful that your partner doesn’t feel criticised, judged and punished. This may cause him to isolate and withdraw from you, after telling you the truth about something he may not have told you.

Communication and a better understanding of why he did it can help you hugely save and develop your relationship. But the ultimate judge of that is going to be you if you feel you can forgive him.

You can always seek additional support and guidance with a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist if you really want to work on your relationship if you are finding it difficult coming to terms with this disclosure.

Saidat Khan is an experienced psychosexual and relationship therapist who treats individuals and couples with sexual dysfunctions and intimacy issues. He also facilitates structured group-work; programmes for sex addiction/compulsive behaviour. Based at his Harley Street practice in London, he is open-minded and empathetic to client’s needs. Information about his services is available on his website.

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Saidat Khan is a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist and an Addictions Specialist from Harley Street London. He is a keen golfer and enjoys yoga. His motto is ''I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become'' by Carl Jung.

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