Are British Asian Men struggling to Marry?

Marriage is a recognised union that holds immense importance in some cultures more than others.

In many South Asian cultures, the sanctity of marriage is highly valued and is often expected to maintain traditional values.

However, due to changing attitudes and high expectations, some British Asian men are finding it a struggle to marry.

DESIblitz speaks to British Asian men on whether they believe there is a current struggle to get married and why this is.

Cultural Expectations of Marriage

British Asian communities often have strong opinions and cultural expectations when it comes to marriage.

A common expectation for Desi men is that they should settle down and find a woman to marry that is of the same religion or caste.

However, these expectations are set in traditional values, which many men no longer adhere to or believe are significant.

30-year-old lab technician Himesh Vaja believes marital expectations are ingrained into some Asian men:

“The pressure to marry isn’t as strong for some guys anymore but that doesn’t mean expectations aren’t affecting their ability to marry or find a partner.

“I know for myself there is still an expectation that I should carry on certain traditions and find an Indian girl to marry at some point.

“My parents aren’t pushing me to get married, but I know that when the time did come, they would expect her to be Indian and I think a part of me would too.

“I think this is where the struggle comes in because it’s not that easy to find someone who still respects culture and tradition.”

Himesh’s struggle echoes a common struggle many Asian men relate to when it comes to marriage.

There are still parental and personal expectations that exist in Desi communities that can cause struggles when it comes to finding a partner.

Meeting cultural expectations such as being of the same religion, caste, or even race is something that still exists in some families, even if it is not openly spoken about.

Limited Dating Pool

Another struggle Asian men are finding when it comes to settling down and getting married is finding someone in the first place.

Whilst most individuals may have criteria for the type of future partner they desire, it’s not that easy to find someone who ticks all these boxes.

Therefore, for many Asian men, the struggle to marry is due to a limited dating pool.

When asked about why this dating pool was so important for some men, 35-year-old Daman Lad* said:

“The British Asian dating pool is not as big as it may seem, especially when you are over a certain age and want someone who has the exact same cultural or religious values as you.

“Not many people are even religious nowadays so trying to find someone that will be to match your expectations is a major struggle.

“I understand why all these criteria and tick boxes are important for some people, but I just feel it adds to a struggle because you’re constantly looking for that perfect person.

“When in reality you won’t find someone perfect in a dating space that is already so limited.

“Age is also something that has caused a struggle for me when looking for someone to marry as so many people are just dating these days.

“Whilst I’m getting older, I worry I’m running out of time and won’t find someone to marry me.”

Changing Priorities

For many British Asian men, marriage simply isn’t a priority right now.

30-year-old data analyst, Priyesh Lad: “I don’t think British Asian men are really struggling to get married.

“I just think priorities and focus have just changed nowadays and it’s the same for women, I think.

“Marriage isn’t really like a priority or a focus right now because I think we’re more focused on careers and travelling instead of a need to get married and settle down.

“For me right now even though I’m 30, marriage isn’t a priority because I’m just enjoying other things in life like travel.”

Rather than being considered a struggle for these men, marriage is simply not on their radar as personal circumstances and preferences differ for some individuals.

There is a higher focus on travelling, career prospects and casual dating, rather than settling down straight away with one person.

Priyesh also explained why he thinks this change in priorities is not something negative:

“I don’t think this change in mindset is a bad thing, if anything it just means people are changing and modernising.

“As a generation, I don’t think marriage was pushed onto us as much as previous generations that’s why our priorities are so different.

“This means unlike generations of men before us, we get a bit more freedom in deciding who and when we marry which is a big positive in my eyes.”

Combatting Negative Stereotypes

Negative stereotypes have clouded the dating and marriage prospects for some British Asian men.

They have been subjected to negative labels that have caused insecurities, low self-esteem, and misleading portrayals of Asian men.

For instance, being socially awkward or unattractive has been two stereotypes that have haunted many Desi men and caused them to struggle when it comes to marriage and dating.

When discussing the negative stereotypes, he has noticed and faced, Daman Lad* said:

“Asian men are given a bad name and a bad reputation which is putting people off marrying them.

“It’s hard as an Asian man nowadays when there is so much bad stuff in the media and news against us.”

“I have been at the end of some harsh stereotypes that have made it a struggle for me when trying to find a marriage partner.

“I get called nerdy a lot because of my profession in the scientific field and I have been called ugly too because of my glasses and general appearance.

“Whilst I tend to not let these comments or stereotypes get to me, they do affect me and stuff like this has made it harder for me to find a marriage partner as I’m constantly insecure about how I look.”

These negative stereotypes have given Desi men an unfair reputation and can influence people’s willingness to marry British Asian men leading to their struggles to marry.

Marriage is something that holds such strong cultural importance that it has enforced pressure on British Asian men.

Whilst most of these British Asian men would not deem finding a marriage partner to be a struggle, some obstacles have been preventing some from tying the knot.