Is having sex essential for a loving relationship? DESIblitz explores how long a British Asian couple can last without having sex in their relationship.
"By giving him pleasure and receiving pleasure, it has brought us closer together physically"
Love is uplifting. If you love someone, it’s important to show them that you love them.
And of the many ways that it can be shown, sex is one of them. But to what extent does sex express love?
A relationship would be quite hollow without sex. Sex puts the emotions that two people feel for each other into motion.
Kiran Rai says: “I think that having sex with my boyfriend strengthens our relationship.
“It’s a completely natural way to prove your love to someone.
“By giving him pleasure and by receiving that pleasure, it reinforces our love for each other and has brought us closer together physically.”
In today’s generation, sex is casually thrown around and doesn’t hold as much meaning as it once used to.
In 2015, approximately 435,000 people were diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection in England and ‘the impact of STIs remains greatest in young heterosexuals under the age of 25 years’.
Some individuals, especially younger people who want to fit in, might be pressured to engage in sexual activities. If people around them have had sex, they might feel like they’re inexperienced.
This might also lead to people, especially, young women, to having sex to prove to their partner or peers that they are good enough too.
Often girls do not realise that they could be getting coaxed into have a sexual relationship by a partner, who may even threaten to leave them, compare them to another girl who is willing and so on. This can drum up huge insecurities in young women about ‘not being good enough.’
Meena Kumari says: “I knew my friends were having sex and I felt left out and could not join in their conversations. So, I had sex to prove to them I was like them too.”
The issue of whether sex is correlated with love depends on factors such as age, culture and gender.
Dorothy Tennov’s book, Love and Limerence, reveals a study in which 61 per cent of the females and 35 per cent of the males agreed with the statement, ‘I have been in love without feeling any need for sex’.
This indicates that men have more sexual desires than women. Whereas men might look at sex and love as two different things, women tend to merge the two together.
Another study shows that both genders react differently to infidelity. Men are ‘more jealous of sexual infidelity than emotional infidelity’ whilst the opposite is true for women, suggesting that women value the emotional side more than the sexual side.
Idris Hussain says: “Sex isn’t something I go out looking for or constantly try to get. I’ve noticed that I don’t really enjoy it if I’m doing stuff with girls who I’m not into but I’d still do it if it was available.”
In contrast, Sanna Mahmood says:
“I wouldn’t have sex with someone if I didn’t love them. I would never give my body away like that because it means a lot to me.”
On the other hand, some Asian girls are more liberal in this day and age and are likely to have sex to please their boyfriend.
Sex may not always be a priority for girls who are usually looking for more in a relationship, including the socialising and naturally, finding love.
Perhaps the reason for this is that guys view sex as a ‘primal thing’ in a relationship. Therefore, for them, sex is an important way to prove love. On the other hand, women tend to focus more on other aspects and may even ‘be more likely to overlook the issue if everything else in the relationship is going well’.
Sex can be a great way to express love but love can exist without it. Shahlaa Naseem doesn’t believe that sex is the only way to prove love:
“It’s more emotions and actions. Love is something that can be proved by a simple ‘how are you feeling today?’, ‘have you eaten?’ and small things to show you care.”
Big gestures aren’t needed to display one’s love; the little things speak louder.
Dilshan Fernando and Sonali Sachania have been in a relationship since January 2014.
Dilshan shows his love through various methods: “By making her favourite food, watching shows, reading and even studying together. We help each other to grow and I treat her how I would want my daughter to be treated by another man.
“I like surprising her, that doesn’t only mean gifts, just surprises such as taking her to the park and having a picnic. I kiss her on the forehead, call her ‘babygirl’, I’ll do anything to make her smile.
“She is my best friend, I like to spend time with her and her happiness is my own.”
Sonali reciprocates her love in a similar way: “Through little things like waking up, texting him, asking him what his plans are for the day. Then asking him what he ate, how he’s feeling and just how his day went.
“I also love surprising him by going on dates or just bringing him random cakes, presents or just the small things that make him happy.
“He’s always there for me as my backbone so I make sure he knows how much I appreciate and care for him because he means everything to me.”
Whereas sex can be found anywhere, sharing chemistry with someone is precious and rare. Intimacy isn’t merely physical, connecting with someone is an even better intimacy.
Whilst it is a great, fun way to show someone that you love them, it is certainly not the only way. When you have a strong bond with someone, simply a kiss with them could make your knees weak. Just holding each other, enjoying each other and laughing together are ways to prove love.
Sex won’t make someone stay in a relationship; the connection and vibes between you and your partner are what truly matters.
Some names have been changed for anonymity.
The Internet is seeing a rising trend in bullying videos, with Asian children and teenagers partaking or being victims themselves. DESIblitz reports.